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Show Oh, grip! What sins are concealed In thy name! The automobile is fast becoming the automatic fool killer. Even Homer nodded, and why should not Russell Sage lose $40,000 by mistake? A good delivery will be useful in the pulpit work of William A. Sunday, formerly baseball player. i Last year the American people con sumed over $70,000,000 of coffee to say nothing of the peas and chicory. Gen. Baldwin should edit his interviews inter-views before they are printed instead of after they have been given to the public. This is a hard, hard world. One is hardly done shoveling snow before it is time to sharpen up the lawn mower. "Letter-writing is a lost art," says somebody. And this right after the publication of the letters in the Bur-dick Bur-dick case. Terry McGovern's trainer says: "Terry is not out of the game by a jugful." John L. Sullivan is by a good many jugfuls. John D. Rockefeller must have felt that he had more money than he wanted, for he stopped over a few hours in Chicago. ' A Washington man has discovered that strawberries lead to suicide. But disappointed love has led thousands An English countess has found out that the lord she married is bogus. This looks like a pretty strong vindication vindi-cation of a lot of American 'girls. For a man who wasn't going to live a year King Edward is one of the liveliest corpses that ever went to Lisbon to be showered with rose leaves. Heligoland is washing away. When it has disappeared entirely Germany would seem to have a right to rule that part of the ocean where it formerly former-ly stood. t Over 38,000 immigrants arrived at New York during the first ten days of April. We would advise them to order coal, for next winter at their earliest convenience. ; " S he esteemed Portland Oregonian ,j -.says the people of Portland are work-.. work-.. ing in earnest for the beautifying of their city. Another triumph for Ore- gonized labor. T The editor of our esteemed contemporary, contem-porary, the New York Mail and Express, Ex-press, declares that "the coroners must go." What's the matter, brother; been Bitting on you? Hydrophobia may be an imaginary ailment, but rather than have a scientific scien-tific controversy with a dog supposed to be mad- it is better to give the ani-' ani-' mal the entire street. An . authority recommends cheerfulness cheerful-ness and hilarity for the cure of indi-- indi-- gestion, observes an exchange. Isn't this something like recommending plenty of hair for baldness? Mr. , Funk now says he has talked with the spirit of Henry Ward Beech-er Beech-er face to face. If Mr. Beecher was in his usual form Mr. Funk couldn't have had much of a chance to talk. Baron von Biedenfeld says that - - Americans are unclean, illiterate and drunken. As the baron when he was here associated with his kind, naturally natur-ally he jumped at this conclusion. .'J -, .( : " .rt- The Rothschilds are buying homes for the., poor of England with a recip ' rocatorjr .arrangement by which the poor-can return the favor in installments install-ments at the usual rates of interest. Admiral Walker estimates that 30,-000 30,-000 men will be employed in digging the Panama canal. Negroes, Chinese and Japanese laborers will do the most of. it, and nobody will envy them the job. And now the battleship Alabama has made a record for effectiveness of gunfire. gun-fire. We guess that before the next war comes our boys will be able to shoot as well as any of the blarsted foreigners. A $1,000 bill was lost on a New York j ferryboat, and now so many are claiming claim-ing it that it is difficult to find the real owner. In these prosperous times i dropping $i,000 hank -notes is W ordi- j nary occurrence. |