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Show I THAT REMINDS ME- j PERFECTLY PLAIN. Uncle 'Rastus. who was seeking information infor-mation concerning mushrooms, had been referred by a preternaturally solemn student stu-dent to the professor of botany, and with hat in hand he was addressing that dig-nitarv. dig-nitarv. "Would vo' mind tellin' me. Mistah Mandrake.' he said, ' how to stuiriuish a mushroom f'm a loaustood'.'" "Willingly," said toe professor. "In the first place, you must remember thai the amaaita phalioides, or deadly agaric, closely resembles the agaricus cainpes-tris, cainpes-tris, or edible fundus, vv..ia s om v.u-mon v.u-mon variety and aiis;iluteiy innocuous. Next, it will be nece.-s.try to fix ltrtniy in your mind the distinguishing marks or characteristics of the ayaricus campes-tris, campes-tris, which are these: A piieus not covered cov-ered with excrescence-like scales : gil.s o. it brownish purpie when mature; stalk solid and approximately cylindrical; nil; near middle oi stalk; Dase not buibous 1 rid not sheathed by me mutant. Tne distinguishing distin-guishing characteristics of the amanita. phalioides, or deadly ayaric, are these: Piieus destitute of distinct eixcrtsctiiccs; white gills, nohow sta.n.; large i" 1 . . and prominent bulb at base, with mcmbran-1 mcmbran-1 ous upper margin. Bearing thtt ,,u:ius of differentiation fully in mind, you will i never be at a loss to determine which va-, va-, riety you encounter in any given case." "yes, suh," said Uncle 'Katus, turning his hat round and round in his fingers. "'I un stan' dut all riht, but how's I gwine tell 'em apaht?" WOULD CALL FOR DISCRETION. "Say, :pa, if ma was captured by bandits, ban-dits, would you pay a big ransom to get ; her back?" i "It would depend a little on the size of ' the ransom, my son." "Weil s'pose you could borrow the money?" "I should use great discretion, my son. It would be my endeavor to prolong the negotiations until the bandits were ready to give me' something to take her off their , hands." Cleveland Plain Dealer. NOT AS COURTEOUS AS IT SOUNDS. "It must have been really chilly the last day of the yacht races, George, dear." "What makes you think so, my love? "Why, I noticed in the account here that the Columbus blanketed the Shamrock Sham-rock twice Wasn't that sweet of her. Cleveland Plain Dealer. w j ARMY PRACTICE. ' Her (on the way home) Been getting vaccinated, have vou. Mr. Kidd? Him Why, no. Miss Flyppe. What put that into your head? Her You grabbed my arm as if you feared I might take yours. 4 UNDER A MISTAKE. The stranger stepped up to the hotel register and wrote his name thus: "Gabriel Plunkett. Squlbnocket, Mass." The stranger immediately behind him then stepped tip. looked at the name, smiled somewhat incredulously, and made this entry himself: "Israel Snodgrass, Snohomish. Wash." Then the two men glared at each other. "Think I'm kiddin' you. do you?" "Trving to make fun of me, are you?" Bif-f! Bang! "For heaven's sake, gentlemen," agonizingly agon-izingly exclaimed the hotel clerk, "stop! You are under a misapprehension. I i know both of you and know those to be your real names and the real names of I the towns your are from!" I By strenuous efforts he succeeded in separating them, and a few moment ' later the were apologizing profusely ami I insisting with much vehemence on treating treat-ing each other. HIS UNDERSTANDING OF IT. Upgardson Can you make anything out of this Sampson-Schley controversy?" Atom Yes. I think it's plain that ' Sampson had to run the New York some I distance to the rear so as to avoid being ' rammed when the Brooklyn made that loop. Then, while Schley was shooting blanketv blank cartridges at the Texas, the Spanish ships, which had been all the time running away from the New Y'ork. sunk themselves in despair, so fs I to rob Sampson of the glory. Under-I Under-I stand it now?" j BRYAN O'LYNN. Bryan O'Lynn had no coat to put on. He borrowed a goatskin to make him a one; He planted the horns right under his chin "They'll answer for pistols," said Bryan O'Lynn. Bryan O'Lynn had no breeches to wear. He got him a sheepskin to make him a pair. ; With the woolly side out, and the skinny skin-ny sidp in 'Thev're pleasant and cool," said Bryan O'Lynn. Bryan O'Lynn had no watch for to wear. He bought him a turnip and scooped it out fair. Then he slipped a live cricket clane under un-der the skin "They'll think It a-tlcking," said Bryan O'Lynn. Bryan O'Lynn went to bring his wife home. He had but one horse, that was all skin and bone. "I'll put her behind me as nate as a pin, And her mother before me," said Bryan O'Lynn. Bryan O'Lynn, and his wife, and her mother. Were all crossing over the bridge together; to-gether; The bridge it broke down, they all tumbled tum-bled in "We'll find ground a; the bottom," said Bryan O'Lynn. j |