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Show Uncle vklfe Oiort o .tol $ CLEANING THE DCG rTllIS is the most wonderful sor.p A over offered the public," explained ex-plained the voluble agent, as he opened Ills rip. "It will clean anything under un-der tiie sun. It will remove grease spots, polish tinware " 4 1 v t s ' "Oil, I have no doubt it will restore re-store hair to bald heads and make chickens lay en-gs," said Mrs. Curfew, sarcastically. sarcas-tically. "I feel quite satisfied it's made of barks and buds anil healing herbs, hut I don't want any of your marvelous soap, having had experience expe-rience with other marvels of the same Kind. Last fall an agent came along, Roiling a soap that would do everything you can think of, from beautifying the female complexion to chasing the cows out of the corn. The agent talked as though he had eight-day eight-day works in him, like our old grandfather's grand-father's clock, and he didn't make any impression until he said the soap would heal all skin diseases of man or beast. It happened at that period that Mr. Curfew had an imitation bird dog that he traded a good watch for, and gave a dollar to boot, said dollar having been extracted from my private pri-vate savings, and never returned. "This dog had the mange or some disagreeable disease that caused him to itch in the most reprehensible manner. man-ner. He was always scratching and rubbing against everything he could find, first and last. One day he upset up-set my parlor table and broke all my best china, which I had placet! on the table a few minutes before. He also upset the sewing machine and the churn, and I don't know what else. "So when Mr. Curfew heard that the agent's soap would cure skin diseases, dis-eases, he insisted upon buying a cake, and after he had gone he began to wash the dog with that marvelous soap. I don't know what ingredients said soap contained, but after it was rubbed into the dog's skin that unfortunate un-fortunate animal became frantic ar.d acted as though its reason tottered on its throne. Mr. Curfew tried to hold the beast, and it reached around and bit his ear almost off, and of course he released it then, and the uproar he made, as he danced around the house, holding his ear with one hand, and summoning the police with the other was simply scandalous. "Meanwhile the dog ran off, en- -tirely demented. Mrs. Turpentine was crossing the road pushing her baby buggy, when the animal collided with said vehicle, and spilled her offspring off-spring into the mud. I am willing to admit that such an experience was aggravating, but I don't think it was ladylike in Mrs. Turpentine to come over to my house with her muddy infant in-fant under her arm, and shake her fist under my nose, and tell me that for five cents she'd pull all my hair out. "Old Mr. Poppinjay was standing on the corner, leaning on his cane, waiting for a street car, when the crazy dog ran against his cane and he took a header into, the gutter, and I really felt sorry for him when I saw him going home ten minutes later, dripping slush and mud like a sea-serpent, sea-serpent, but I couldn't sympathize with him so very much when he picked up a brick as he was passing our place and smashed a panel in our front door. "For two days people were coming here claiming that we ought to reimburse reim-burse them for damages done by that dog. It seemed that the unfortunate animal made a circuit of the town, and left a trail of desolation behind him. He upset six pans of milk for Mr,s. Trumpeter, and seared Smith's family horse so it ran away and injured in-jured several members of the family, and killed eight prize chickens for Mr. Dippy, and I don't know what else. In view of which, I think we can struggle along without any of your marvelous soap." |