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Show nmn i near mm say ten worus miring his visit, yet you say, Mrs. Jiggers. that he is mi unsatisfactory guest. ' ; Elderly landladies, whose intellects have been warped by lone years of j parsimony, are hard to please. j "Jeremiah, whom you describe as jolly and agreeable, should be sup- pressed. lie has collected all the old i cheesey stories ever manufactured, and insists upon telling them. He has a horrible habit of making puns, and , considers himself a humorist, be-: cause of it. You couldn't bribe him to : sit down with a book or magazine and behave himself. He has to be enter- ' tained every minute of his time, and i the only way you can entertain him i is by letting him do the- entertaining. I "He is a genial old freak who thinks he is a privileged character, and everybody's every-body's pet. The last time he was here he went into my sumptuous apartment apart-ment and used my razor to shave the southeast quarter section of his countenance. His whiskers are full of barbed wire, and the razor was ruined. When I spoke to him about it he thought it funny. Yet you refer to such a man as an agreeable visitor. visi-tor. I blush for you, Mrs. Jiggers." I Uncle Walte - THE MODEL GUEST 4TyTY COUSIN James is coming 1YA to spend a week," anounced the landlady, "and I can't say I'm overjoyed. over-joyed. He's the most unsatisfactory visitor I ever saw.. You can hardly get a word out of him. He isn't a bit like his brother -'N Jeremiah, who is ful1 of fun. and I the best company l imaginable. I sgSS "Your remarks 65 yt show how little $ if - true greatness is I I V 1 I appreciated in a 1 j4f"vA'-J 1 moral family AV'J boarding house, f-VV sHf where tne dam-k dam-k I V ' I ages are collected IsisjVS in advance," ob- ih!l?!v,j served the star g; w boarder. "In my "Jaiia!aj',ft'" opinion, James is the model visitor. If I had my own household, with a charming bride to pour the imitation coffee, and a vine and figtree in a jardiniere, I'd send a special delivery letter to James, asking ask-ing him to come and stay for ten years or more. "There's something restful and soothing about that gifted man. He never bothers anybody. No one has to waste precious moments entertaining entertain-ing him. It isn't necessary to discuss the weather predictions, or dig up a lot of statistics about the crops, in order to make James have a good time. You don't have to show him the old plush photograph album, and describe the ancestry of the melancholy effigie:-whose effigie:-whose pictures appear therei . Nearly Near-ly all visitors are bores, my dear Mrs. Jiggers, because they have to be entertained. en-tertained. Somebody has to sit up with them and thrash out last year's gossip. They have no initiative or referendum. They have no resources of their own. In order to have a pleasant pleas-ant visit, they need help. "Your cousin James is a man after my own heart. I remember Ms last visit quite well. He came in the evening, eve-ning, and after supper he took a chair on the porch. Knowing he was a guest, I felt it my duty to entertain him in the conventional way. I dragged my chair close up to his and remarked that it was a pleasant evening, eve-ning, but the presence of a cloud bank in the northwest almost convinced me that there would be rain within twelve hours, in which case, I proceeded, there would be much jubilation among the honest old farmers, whose crops were suffering for moisture. "James listened to my remarks and then looked at me, in a sad, reproach-', reproach-', ful way, as though he thought ft a shameful thing that imbeciles should j be at large, and then he took his chair j to the opposite end of the porch with-' with-' out having said a word. I must con- fess that I felt like a counterfeit kopeck for a few minutes, but the more I considered the matter, the more I admired and respected that j remarkable man. I "He used to go downtown every morning and buy a paper backed novel, or a fiction magazine, and then he'd read It all day, and when he was j done with his literature he left it where the boarders could set it. .1 |