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Show I 'GOOD fvMl 1 JOKES m JUST LIKE A WOMAN. "Talk about your frenzied financiers," finan-ciers," remarked the cashier, as he came In and hung up his hat, "my wife's got them all beaten to a fricasseed frazzle." "Well, come on with the answer," said the bookkeeper. "She had made up her mind to purchase pur-chase a skirt she saw in a store just around the corner from where we live," explained the cashier; "but yesterday yester-day she learned that she could buy one exactly like It downtown for fifty cents less " "And of course she went downtown and bought it," interrupted the bookkeeper. book-keeper. "You have said it," rejoined the cashier, "and incidentally she spent a dollar and a half taxicab hire while looking for the place." Not a Square Deal. She But it is a woman's privilege to change her mind, you know. He Yes, I suppose so. But it isn't a square deal, just the same. She Why not? He Because when a man changes his mind the woman In the case gets busy and sues him for breach of promise. War of Words. Redd What aro those two men quarreling about so? Greene A game of golf. "But neither of them plays golf." "I know it; but Bill said if he could play golf he could beat Jim, and Jim said if he could play golf Bill couldn't beat him." THE TRUTH. The Reformer Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. The Joker Yes ; many a man would be In jail if he didn't watch out. Behind the Scenes. Full many a man's a pacifist,' Philanthropist and all that, Yet scolds a wife who can't resist And slams the door and kicks the cat. How to Judge. Mrs. Flatbush Do you believe in that saying that a woman Is as old as she looks? Mr. Flatbush Sure, if she takes off - her hat and hair. Editor's Trials. Penman An editor must have many trials, doesn't he? Wright Well, ours has. He's been hauled up three times for libel and six times for speeding. Trying to Dodge Him. Redd Whenever I see Black coming com-ing down the street in his car I have to dodge him. Greene I see. You've one of his creditors, I suppose. Had Clothes Enough. Patience That girl Bob's engaged to is a great dresser. Patrice Is that a fact? "Oh, yes ; she has a most extensive wardrobe. "And was It love at first sight with Bob?" "Oh, no; he didn't fall in love with her until he'd seen her eighteenth gown." Bored. Patience How did you like It in the country where you were last summer? sum-mer? Patrice Weil, the people In the rockers on the porch almost bored me to death, and when I went to bed the mosquitoes completed the boring operation. oper-ation. Not a Manufacturing Plant. Redd Where does he live? Greeue--In Brooklyn. "What's his business?" "I guess he's Interested in the manufacture manu-facture of automobile tires." "What makes you think that?" "Because he told me he owned a rubber plant." Matters to Keep Dark. "Henry, what is meant by mending political fences?" asked Mrs. Twobble. "That means a variety, of activities," replied Mr. Twobble, "but seldom anything any-thing a candidate desires to have published pub-lished in the newspapers." Base Betrayal. "Why is Maude crying so?" "Because her father can't bear James Jones, and he came Into the room just when the parrot was saying say-ing to itself, 'Well, just one more, Jimmy !' " HE'D BEEN MARRIED TWICE. ' t ' She -iuiii-nage is a lottery. He And most men draw a blank. Another Little Dig. Some women carry their ages quite well. But it Is a dollar to a dime The reason is it's a shame to tell They carry but half at a time. Removing the Features. Bill This paper says like a diminutive diminu-tive lawn mower is a new device for shaving, in which a spring motor revolves re-volves a steel roller with cutting blades as it is drawn over a man's face. Jill Fine I And if it fails to remove the hair a fellow can use a plow. ' Sad Case. "1 certainly do feel sorry for Mrs. Doppel." "Why so?" "She patronizes Mrs. Dubson whenever when-ever she gets a chance, but Mrs. Dubson Dub-son is blissfully unconscious of It, so It's no satisfaction to her at all." Would Like an Easy One. Dad Jimmy, which instrument would you like to study, the violin or the piano? Jimmy Father, if I must study music mu-sic please let me choose the phonograph. phono-graph. The Warring Singers. Church I see that Pittsburgh churches insure lives of preachers and choir singers. Gotham Why preachers? They don't fight, too, do they? High Cost of Living. Flatbush Do you know anything which comes Into your house which has not advanced in value? Bensonhurst I do. My wife's mother. moth-er. Both Hard to Manage. Redd So they are divorced? Greene-.-Yes, she's taken the children chil-dren and he's taken the automobile. "Suppose she thought the children would be easier to .manage." Happy Ending. Patience Has your brother finished that story he was writing? Patrice Oh, yes. "Did it have a happy ending?" "Oh, yes; he's sold It." When Hostilities Start. Bill What are- these war brides they're talking about? Jill I don't know. I always supposed sup-posed it was after a woman had ceased to be a bride that the fighting began. The Open Book. "A man's life should be like an open book." "Yes," observed Miss Cayenne ; "but so few people care to Interest themselves them-selves in a book that Isn't a thririer." SHE WAS ON. Malsle I rin't goin' to take any more music lessons. Her Mother Why not? Maisie I don't see any use in paying pay-ing that professor one dollar twice a week just to come here and tiake love to sister. A Sad Blow. "When do you expect a report from the vice commission?" "That's hard to say?" "Didn't they make a success of their investigations?" "No. They were all woefully drfs. appointed. They didn't find any vice worth mentioning." Talks Through It. least Don't you think your wife has a nose for news? Crlmsonbeak Sure thing. Why, 1 get all the news from her that way. |