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Show THE FOOL. LONG MEMORY. "It's a waste of time to argue with a woman," said Mr. Twobble, fretfully. fret-fully. "Perhaps so," replied Mr. Scadson. "You talk as if you had just had an experience of that kind." "Yes. Mrs. Twobble and I started an argument over the telephone this morning, but I cut it short by ringing off. If I go home it will start again." "Then, why go home?" "Oh, I can't stay away forever, you know, and even if I absented myself for six months, the moment I returned Mrs. Twobble would take the matter up just where we left off." Wow! Mrs. A. So you told the delicatessen delicates-sen man that the wurst he sent you was the worst wurst you ever had. And what did he say? Mrs. B. He said he had no better wurst just then, but was making some wurst which wouldn't be any worse and ought to be better. After which he assured me that his wurst was better bet-ter wurst than the best wurst of his competitors. "What is the most curiousest thing about a fool." "De way he'll holler and git mad if you don't let him show off his misfortune." Wise and Otherwise. The wise man his umbrella takes, When he starts out for a roam; But others who take chances oft Bring some other fellow's home. A Conflict. "What brought you here, my poor fellow?" a missionary asked a convict. "I married a new woman, sir," the prisoner groaned. "Aha!" said the missionary, "and she was so domineering and extravagant extrava-gant that it drove you to desperate courses, eh?" "No," replied the prisoner; "but the Did woman turned up." London Tit-Bits. "Speed." . Two small children were getting ready for bed and their mother was telling them that Santa Claus went from town to town, looking in windows win-dows for good little girls and boys. Russell, age five, went to the window and pulled back the curtains. "Yes, I know he has been around tonight," he said, "for I can see the dust from his reindeers." It was snowing. HAW! HAW! Looking Ahead. '"That's a swagger car of yours." "Thanks." "What model?" "1920." "Aren't you rather previous?" "Well, I'll tell you something confidentially. confi-dentially. I had the date moved up, as I'll hardly be able to buy another car before 1920." Novelty. "Anything new in the show?" asked the local manager. "Yes,' 'answered the visiting agent. "The biggest supply of new songs, new faces, new Jokes ever shown in captivity. Just to show you the trouble trou-ble we've taken with this show, we've been collecting all that material for the last ten years." First Briton I say, it's deuced odd this being in society. Second Briton How so, old chap? First Briton Why, to keep In it you must be continually going out, don't you know. New York Critic's Way. "I want you to see my new play," said the author to the New York critic. "It has been spoken of very highly by people peo-ple who have seen it I want your expert judgment." "All right," growled the N. Y. critic. crit-ic. "I'll drop in on it some night, but I warn you in advance that I'm not going to like it." Paradoxical. Quick speech itself to trouble links. Because so often you will find The man who says just what he thinks Is rather thoughtlessly inclined. Her Idea of It. "Now, Miss Fanny," said the Sunday Sun-day school teacher to a sixteen-year-old pupil, "what are we to infer from the parable of the five wise and five foolish virgins?" "That we should always be on the lookout for the approach of the bridegroom," bride-groom," answered Miss Fanny. Won't Stay Down. "Experience is a hard teacher," remarked re-marked the philosopher. "Quite true, but an optimist of my acquaintance has the matter well in hand, I think." "How so"' "The harder ho gets bumped, the higher he rebounds." A Bragger. He Yes; your father and I almost came to blows. She He says your chief falling la that you like to blow. Very True. She They say the social whirl Is very giddy. He I guess that is why so many members of it are light-headed. DON'T LIBEL'IT. Weakest Link. "Pop?" "Well, son?" "What is meant by the weakest link?" "The weakest link I know, my son, Is the hyphen used to denote nationality." national-ity." Youngstown Telegram. v Not a High Brow. Bacon It is said the giraffe is the only animal in nature that is entirely dumb, not being able to express itself by any sound whatever. Egbert It's Just as well, for if it could speak it would talk over everybody's every-body's head. "Say. Hiram, this terbacker is all hay." "Not all. The paper it's wrapped In ain't hay." He Was Wise. Landlord You see, this is a convertible con-vertible flat. De Flats Yes. I know Turkish bath in summer and refrigerator in winter. Household Complaints. The Sofa The mistress sat on me today. The Carpet Well, Bbe simply floored me. Cupid's New Weapon. "Engaged to four girls at once!" exclaimed the horrified uncle. 'How do you explain such shameless con duct?" "I don't know," said the graceless nephew. "I guesa Cupid must have shot me with a machine gun." Ladies' La-dies' Home Journal. Having a Good Time. Charles We shall have to economize econo-mize after we are married. Carrie Then why not stay engaged for a few years longer? V A Hard One. "Mike," said Plodding Pete, "wlifct would you do if you had a million dollars?" dol-lars?" "I dunno," replied Meandering Mike. "I don't see why you should ask me any question like dat. De fellers dats got do million tan t answer an-swer it." Anglo-Maniac. Jinks They say that Cholly has gotten to be fearfully English. Blinks Yes; he even refuses to eat Irish potatoes now. |