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Show Passing Chimes By James Barton Adams. NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS. Whereas: Again is drawing near the dawning dawn-ing of the glad New Year, when custom over all the laud demands new resolutions, and Whereas: 'Tis well for every one to see the New Year well begun, and feeling I should work a bit along that line, thorefore be it Resolved: That through the year ahead to wild extremes I'll not be led. I'll never drink unless I'm dry, not eat like 'hungry pig in sty. I'll smoke cigars while on the street, but when in cosy home retreat, away from public eye, I'll swipe the sweetness from the good old pipe, for ladies wrinkle up their faces at pipes when puffed in public places. I'll pay my debts when I have got the cash to do so; when I've not I'll work the standoff which has won for me respite in days agone. I'll never smile on girls above the age of twenty-four, nor love more than a dozen at a time, for gluttony in love's a crime. From scandal I will strive to steer myself, and be it further here Resolved: That manly sports I'll strive my level best to keep alive. The races I will sure take in, and bet when I've a cinch to win; show up at all the base ball games and call the umpire um-pire Christian names when I observe he tries to help the visitors take we-uns' scalp. Resolved: That I will never swear until blue blazes 'heat the air and .all the neighbors greatly fear their children may the wild words hear unless un-less the provocation bo such as will fully warrant me in scaling bights I could not reach with ordinary or-dinary parts . of speech. To bunch it into nutshell nut-shell space, I think that it will fit my case and the intended bullseye hit to very briefly say," be I'll live just as I've done in year just passed, have all the fun that comes my way, but never aim to crowd the limit of the game and run into excesses that might fj-om my morals fiy the fat. I'll live life while I'm in it, for when I pass through the final door when death's cold fingers snap the thread I'm go'n' to bo a long time . dead. And Hereunto, come woe or weal, I cheerfully cheerful-ly afllx my seal and confidently set my hand to resolutions that will stand, and not, as others do, collapse and go into the heap of scraps while yet the newborn infant year is in its swaddling clothes. (Sign here.) (Seal) Commander Peary feels sure the pole can be reached, but on his noxt arctic visit he proposes to remain aboard his ship and rub goose oil on his chilblains and let his men do the reaching. "When a doctor is sick and calls in another doctor to doctor him, is the doctor doctored the way ho wants to be doctored?" asks Puck. Will some doctor who has been called in to doctor another an-other doctor please give us the correct answer? Napoleon Cortelyou may yet sit and weep because be-cause there are no more cabinet position to conquer. con-quer. Said he: "These untried lips of mine Have never touched lips more divine; From lips of maiden J have yet My first bliss-laden kiss to get. Do you not wish to give it, dear? If so, my lips are waiting here." The maiden sneered and shook hero head: "This ain't no tralnin' school," she saidj |