| OCR Text |
Show By Wireless. "Hello!" "Hello!" "Who are you?" "I am H Smith at No. 12 station just inside Sandy Hook." 'M "What planet are you on?" "Why tho earth, of course. Who are you, and whore do you hail vH from?" "That is good. I have been trying to get you for years. You are slow in your telegraphy. Tjm Wo have had it for a hundred years, our years which aro G87 days long, but you would not re- ( celve or answer our calls. I am Gillskookum at ; station No. 7006 on Mars." - ' fl "On Mars, you say; well tell us about your country. I want to got a scoop for my newspa- per." "First, what is the present great rumpus jJ on the earth. Our wires have been humming for- gotten tunes for a week. What is going on?" ; jfl "Why Gill, don't you know it is Christmas week, i it must have been the Christmas carols that got . J on the current of your wireless. Have you no , Christmas over on Mars?" "No; what is Christ- fl mas, Smith?" "Why don't you know? It is the fl anniversary of the coming of tho Master to save fl tho world, by giving His life to atone for the fl sins of mankind. Have you no Christmas?" "No, fl Smith, we are not that sort of people. Wo are . fl so good wo do not need any sacrifices to save i'l "I hope you are right, Gill; but may be you ! ''fl are not worth saving?" "'fl "That shows your inherent wickedness, Smith. :fl Why should you, Avithout knowledge, suspect H evil?" 'fl "Because, over here, when a man begins to fl tell one how good he is, I lock my safe. But stop 1 fl clr ig, and tell me about your country and gov- H ernment and customs? The people here are dy- ' 'fl ing to know something about you." i Our government is a pur Democracy. Every ; ' jj fl II i I ffii mnn nas nis say- We run our street cars by liquid I 'vj.fft air- Wo have a silver standard, gold is too light J! ! rilj for safo use in our atmosphere. Our taxation is ; f Mt exactly just. Poor devils like cooks and news- t 5 v'i It paper men we do not tax at all. When a man f! j 1 If has an income of ?10,000 a year we tax him 10 I. s k fj P per cent. When he has $20,000 wo tax him 30 . Iij J k per cent; when he has $40,000 wo tax him 50 per ; !" I cent. When he has over that amount we take ! ;1 it all." "What do you do with the money?" "We !. jl-' have perfect walks, drives, parks, water systems h k H ; and old men's pensions until they reach 70 years. I j f h then we chloroform them; we have free schools : ;l and promote students on the test of worth alone. " I If a youth is lazy or vicious we never permit h I i them to acquire an education, lest ho make a hao. , H '. I use of it. We have no titles to settle, they worn MBf h ' perfectly adjusted years ago, and men never HBg i ,:: ii quarrel except over water rgihts. Any man will, , y if v in the irrigation season, fight for more than his HH . ; If share of water. The mines are all owned by the RB 1 1 ' "- II state and are only worked to keep the per capita IH '. '"-i 11 of money the same. When everybody had a j " If chance to mine, there was too much money. It BH ' . ,; II led to speculation and some men got to be liars. i iwl Wo liavo 110 tnriff 1)00111189 wo limit trade to IM , ' 'j north and south traffic and the climate governs. 5 : i Trade is merely exchange. Men in the north ex- Hffi p '; j change wheat and salt pork and codfish for coffee Hm : :';'; and Bugar and bananas." HH j - "What kind of ships have we? you ask." "Why HH :' ) r 11 our winds blow so regularly that we get our power IH' ; ' 11 r from tll(i wnves' 80 tlint 11 costs uotliing." "What H, i . : A I ' are your punishments for crimes?" "When a man H! ( "H I 1 does wrong once we forgive him. If he goes H; 'mt ; wrong twice we chloroform him. When a woman Bi "t '"I IS i g00s wron? we Put her upon an island where B' I 'J IB l' there are nothing but other women, mocking- H 1 i ''! IB ': birds, magpies and parots and she talks herself H: ( u" 'B j, to death in three years. When nations quarrel, ilB you nsk? We lmve a Peace Congress that fixes ' ' i '' Iff things. The President is a man who is known ''- ' mt- as tlie man wItu tlie Eoft voIce and tlle bIg stick. 'hOP' Do we llke h,m? Ye8, Iie Ia a11 rIgllt excent for B' ' H'lPl a d,sPsltIon tnat lie fias to butt In everywhere. B' ' I' 111" Tuat 18 wl,y lie was ma(le President of the Peace B; ) .'4 jPf Congress, so that he might have a chance in H ' 1 ft j'!' every scrap on the planet. Have we any big works on hand? Well, somewhat. We are building build-ing a ship canal across an isthmus Two ar threo nations have tried it, and two or three mines have been exhausted to keep the work going, and now it is promised us in about GO years which will be about 110 of your years. Any polygamy? Not much. When a man has a revelation to that effect, we put him over on the island with the women and they talk him to death in three of our months. Any sickness? No. We have two moons, you know, so men stay at home nights and do not become ill? Any automobiles? O, no. They are obsolete; every man has his own flying machine. Any drunkards? O, no; the air is so light that if a man takes three drinks of benzine he goes up like smoke. When the effects work off ho falls and is killed by the fall. What is our religion? re-ligion? Why if a man is good when he dies he goes to Venus; if bad when he dies, he becomes an alderman in New York or Salt Lake or some other American city. What do we road? Why books and papers that an angel brings us from surrounding suns and planets. What books from the earth? Very few. Then? has been very little from that quarter for the past four hundred years that we cherish . muoh, except Shakespeare, Lincoln's Gettysburg speech and Goodwin's Weekly. They are fine. And now I shall have to shut you off, for there is going to be a concert of angels on Venus in ton minutes, a new prima donna is announced and I must fix my apparatus to hear it for 1 would nov miss it for a bill of sale of that old dark world on which you live. 23." |
