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Show 1 'Bits of Philosophy. Bf Best time to brag about the life in f the old and is when you work it out f of it. 1 If the stars were gold dollars, and HI we could gather them in bushel bas- 1 kets, somebody would complain that H there wasn't enough change to go H around. H If you could reach the land of Con- H tent, you might spend three days H ' there in perfect peace, but after that l you'd rise up and take an excursion M( train to hunt trouble. M When Misery Comes Round. 11 Perhaps this resolution J Will cover well the ground: 't "I never will be sociable i When Misery comes 'round!" Hh I'll say: "My busy day! j Just rise and go your way! H ' I'm never feelin' sociable m When misery comes 'round." H, Without an invitation Ho sometimes comes your way; fl Takes the easy rocker Hangs up his hat to stay. Hi But say: "My busy day! ! Just go your trouble-way! V I'm never feelin' sociable H i When Mls'ry comes to stay.- H M He Just Made Trouble. M "Well," he said, "my resolution is M to give even the devil his due." Md And he flew into a rage when hit D wife's mother said: "John, don't leave Hf us so soon!" K Gave the Judge What Was Coming tc K Him. "I'm heer in de jail" place," he said B "'cused of not bein' innocent, an' yit Hf I is no mo' guilty than a new bo'r K baby what ain't got good acquamtec Hi wid his mammy. "But, talkin' 'bout a baby makes me know it'll be all right wid me w'en my case comes tor its trial, for I knowed de jedpee what's a-gwine ter try me long 'fo' he could creep; played wid him ez a boy growin' up; run 'way fum home wid him an' took his lickin' fer him w'en we went back; carried his notes fer him ter young Miss w'en de ol' folks had sot der heads 'gin him an' tol' him ter stay dar whar he wuz; made out is: he wuzn't dar 'tall w'en he beat up de man in de poker game an de sheriff thought he had him dead ter rights; run up de blazin' stairs an' pulled him out de house on fire de time he gimme a silver dollar fer tellin' him what I heerd young Miss say next mawnin'; dat ef he'd a-died she'd a-died, too; went right 'long wid him w'en de hurricane blowed him an' me an' de house cl'ar into de next county; an w'en de steamboat blowed up in de river, an we wuz splutterin' an' plounderein' in de dark, hollered ter him: 'Here I is right by you!' "Put de ladder ter de winder an' stayed dar an' belt it whilst he dumb up ter tap on de shutter an' tell young Miss it wuz time fer her ter run 'way wid him. an' young Miss fainted in his arms comin' down de ladder, an' he jumped on de horse still holdin' young Miss an' him an' her an' me went tearin thro' ue night till we crossed de river ter whar a preacher wuz, an' dem two wuz made one fer life an' never wuz sorry fer it, an'"" Here the old man paused for breath and some one said: "Old man. you're certainly 'n a position po-sition to 'fix' the judge, if that be possible. pos-sible. Is there anything that you didn't do for him?" "Yes, suh, dey is, an' I is proud ter tell it. I never did put water in his whisky ter fool him into believin' dat I hadn't sampled de jug!' |