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Show REVUE DE LA VILLE If you know how dignified Judge George F. Goodwin is, and how very seriously he takes most things, It Is easy to appreciate the following story of mistaken identity which emanates from the office of one of the head Hatchet Men of the $$ Coal Tong. It seems that a few days ago the judge telephoned the coal office, and when ho was answered, asked "Is this Crltchlow?" "Yes," replied that gentleman. "This is Goodwin," said the voice at the other end of the phone. "Hello, boob," said Crltchlow, under the impression im-pression that It was another Goodwin. The shock on the part of the lawyer was almost perceptible, percepti-ble, and It took the Hatchet Man some time to explain how he had made the error. If Uncle Sam becomes very insistent in his demand that the sugar trust be dissolved, mavbe V some of the farmers down around Lehi will get a new insight into their own stupidity. They have been hoodwinked so long that it is pretty nearly i time they woke up to the fact that they are working on a small margin to make big profits for those who set the prices for their products. They . can raise most anything and make more money than they can in sugar beets. There seems to be an unlimited demand for what the government is raising at the present time. The wheels within wheels tnat three years ago hushed up the investigation into the theft of $106,250 from the vaults of the Utah National bank in Salt Lake in January, 1908, creaked on their rusty bearings late last week, turned over two or three times with a wheeze and groan and stopped again. The roseate hue of that delicate piece of work, however, seems to have been but very slightly dimmed in the interim that has elapsed since the several slick and gilded sleuths whom the Plnker-tions Plnker-tions sent on, ceased their Marathon efforts between be-tween a number of well marked downtown points and the special grand jury impanelled to unravel the affair made things so torrldly unpleasant for a number of gentlemen who suffered from a chronic attack of gooseflesh most of the time the jury was in session. The summoning of J. W. Houston, who acted as foreman of the grand jury which investigated the case three years ago, before the regular federal fed-eral grand jury which was discharged Monday of this week, together with the appearance before the latter jury of W. W. Trimmer, former assistant assist-ant cashier of the Utah National and at present assistant cashier of the Continental National Bank of Salt Lake; and of W. F. Adams, formerly cashier of the Utah National, and one or two oth- ers interested in injecting a little of the ellx.r of ty life Into the obviously wobbly legs of Utah justice, gave rise to the belief that possibly a cog had slipped somewhere and some one was going to reinvestigate the Utah National theft. The discharge dis-charge of the grand jury Monday, however, with no further developments in the matter, put all fears and hopes at rest. It would be Interesting, however, to know which one of the drones it was who slipped and alighted on the ribs of the sleeping dog. Joseph Nelson was cashier of the Utah National at the time of the theft and President McCornick secured se-cured from him his note for $13,250, which the supremo su-premo court of the state early last week Informed ,, Nelson he would have to pay, with costs, which brings it up to about $16,000. Neison's nephew, a youngster employed in the Jordan Valley bank, was arrested and charged with lugging off the plunder. He was discharged, as the federal authorities au-thorities could not detain him because of his not being an officer of 'the mulced Institution. Since that time the whole affair has been in cold storage stor-age with good men under a cloud as wicked and unjust as cowardice and crookedness could make it. And the general belief has been that the grand jury that opened the closet on the skeleton ( in 1908 didn't by any means find the matter a bot- ." tomless well. The London medical man who thinks he has discovered an abnormal prodigy in a youngstec in his school who sees everything at right angles, is a trifle late. That peculiarity has been one of the most conspicuous accomplishments of several of Utah's congressional delegation for a number of years. The only serious casualty during the past ten I days on the downtown streets is confined to one , messenger boy, who had his feet taken off. If the few thousand Salt Lakers who have occasion to use Main street between five and seven o'clock in the evening, do not before the winter is over develop de-velop into sprinters, dodgers and obstace racers par , excellence, it will not be the fault of the city's chief of police, who seems to be superstitious supersti-tious about placing traffic officers on the downtown down-town thoroughfares, where they are so badly needed, particularly at the rush hours in the evening. Whether it is neglect or incompetence or thoughtlessness, or whatever other reason may be assigned for his apparent lack of regard for the public safety, the fact remains that any one at the Main street intersections in the evening hours takes his life in his hands, and it is time that there was some semblance of order at these points. Traffic conditions on Main street for months have been a joke so far as police regulation is concerned. They are now past that, they are a disgrace. The same condition was allowed to prevail last summer until it became unbearable and every paper in town found it necessary to remind the gentleman at police headquarters, who is never really in danger from hurrying traffic personally on account of his auto purchasing pur-chasing propensities, that a traffic squad might help some. For several evenings thereafter the coppers sat their steeds in various forms of repose re-pose on the three principal downtown street intersections. in-tersections. A little something was said at that time about three columns of official interview per day of the necessity of a new traffic and auto ordinance before the department could hope to successfully cope with conditions. The ordinance ordi-nance was forthcoming, and traffic and automobile automo-bile conditions have become steadily worse until at present Main street between the hours mentioned men-tioned presents a scene of confusion and danger that connot be found in any other city of this size in the country. Remembering the expressed surprise of the chief of police following a recent downtown murder, that the saloons were remaining open until two o'clock in the morning, and his pained wonder that none of the patrolmen had informed him, we may expect to hear, "Why, is main street congested? I will question the patrolmen. Someone is holding out on me." It seems to be the season for coal stories, and so it is probably not amiss to repeat the one that Tom O'Brien tells on himself. During a temporary shortage one time when the dealers could not fill their orders, they received re-ceived a large number of complaints and many orders were cancelled. One day a woman called O'Brien up, asked if she had the right coal company, com-pany, and then in an angry voice said: "We can't seem to get our coal. I want you to cancel our order right away." "All right, madam," said O'Brien. "Who is this?" "None of your business," replied the lady, and hung up the phone. ik The newsboys are going to have a perfect circus at the Louvre on the afternoon preceding New Year's Day, when Mr. R. W. Sloan will entertain them at a repast that will fairly stuff them. Mr. Howard Garrett will also contribute to their afternoon's pleasure in the shape of the Orpheum orchestra, which will play during their banquet. Those kids are certainly going to have some time, and it would not be surprising if a number of them were missing from their accustomed accus-tomed stands on New Year's morning. Oh, you tummy ache! The efforts being made by Representative Frank P. Goss of Seattle, Wash., to abolish capital cap-ital punishment in that state, brings to mind the fact that the confessed murderers of grocer Fas-sell Fas-sell are fattening up out on the east bench, along with the rest of the man-killers sanctimonious juries here have reprieved. "The twilight zone" the best girl's waist, after the gas-light has been turned down. |