OCR Text |
Show WftOPL'B. TALKED OR H From The National Press. I French politeness Is continually as- H mlng new and bizarre aspects. The test example is the gallantryof two Blrglars toward a newly married Hcoupte- M. and Mme. Leroy returned to their liousp at Vincennes recently from their honeymoon trip. To their sur-Krise sur-Krise they found in the passage a large number of parcels. H "No doubt it is mamma who has sent some things in our absence," said the bride. The couple went upstairs, but hard-Si? hard-Si? had the wife cast a glimpse into the bedroom when she sprang back BLth the whispered exclamation, "Burglars!" Peeping round the door, the husband saw two men asleep, their heads comfortably disposed ivn the dainty pillows trimmed with lace. The young bride screamed for help, her cry waking the sleeping ruffians. They sprang to their feet and approached ap-proached the couple threateningly. Tremblingly the young woman said: "Please go away, messieurs! Take what you want, but don't hurt us. We are only just married." "Don't be alarmed, little one," said one of the robbers with a gallant bow. 'Since you are so polite we won't even take the parcels we had packed up. We have slept two nights in your 'dodo' 'do-do' (slang for bed). We didn't think jou were coming back so soon." Then, just as they were leaving, one turned and said: "Ah, you were lucky to be honeymooners." Then the delightful pair disappeared disap-peared into the night. iv v v One of the habitual loafers who infest in-fest lower Broadway, New .York, received re-ceived a shock the other day that was a notable event to him. He held up a well dressed, handsome man who was entering the Empire building. "Mister, can't yer help me. I've been out of a job for near three months. I need " The other Interrupted. "I'Ve been out of a job myself for about tho same time. I can sympathize with you. Here's half a dollar," he said. As the stranger passed along the policeman at the door came after the tramp. "Say, what d'ye mean by holdin' people up around here? These fellers won't stand fer it. That was Charles M. Schwab." t3 , Representative Lacey of Iowa claims to hav6 discovered the longest bearded joke ever recorded, says the Washington Post. It may be a surprise sur-prise to a multitude of lawyers over the country that this bewhiskered lingerer lin-gerer is the one about the attorney who appeared in court without his chief witness. "Why did you not bring your witness?" wit-ness?" demanded the judge sternly. "I have sixteen good reasons," replied re-plied the lawyer. "The first is he is dead." "You need not give the other fifteen," fif-teen," replied the court. Mr. Lacey says there is hardly a court in the country where that story in some form cannot be heard, and there are hoary old lawyers who will say" they were present when the quip was originally perpetrated. "This last summer," .added Mr. Lacey, "I was reading the works of Suetonius, the Latin historian. You can imagine how keen'v I was interested inter-ested to read this same joke there. The historian puts it on the Emperor Claudius. Whether it was handed down to him by the Assyrians or some other more ancient people I, of course, do not undertake" to say." w t Senator Sullivan of New York was recently a gue"st at a banquet of homeopathic home-opathic physicians. During the banquet ban-quet the usual toasts were drunk. To the health of "the ladles," of "the president," of "Hahnemann, the father of homeopathy," and of a dozen other persons and subjects glasses were drained duly, and then, all of a sudden, sud-den, the toastmaster remarked that the witty Senator Sullivan had not yet responded to a toast. "Senator Sullivan," he said, riBlng, "has not yet been haard from. Sen-ator Sen-ator Sullivan will now propose a health." The Senator arose and beamed upon the assemblage of physicians. ''I propose," he said, "the health of the sick." 0& i&fr w "Speaikng of Charles F. Murphy having hav-ing been awkwardly stranded at tho Hot Springs without a dress suit reminds re-minds me," said a member of the Til-den Til-den club, "of the old Croker days, when he held court at Lakewood. The flat had gone forth that all visiting henchmen should appear at dinner dressed Me rigeur.' There was a great hurrying and scurrying among the clan, and each member who contemplated con-templated a visit provided himself accordingly. ac-cordingly. "While two of his followers were promenading the hall of the hotel, one said to the other: " 'Mac, how do you loike me dress suit?' " 'Foine. " Is it becoming?' " 'It is shure nothing could be foiner. It sits beautiful.' " 'Well, begorra, I think you're right, and I beluve I'll buy it.' " w ,5 O WAS NEEDLESSLY AWAKENED. "John!" whispered Ma. Swackham-mer, Swackham-mer, hoarsely. "John, wake up! In the basement hear them they're workin' in the basement " "Wh-wh-what!" gasped Swackham-mer. Swackham-mer. He dived under the pillow and clutched his pocketbook. "What is it? "B-b-burglars!" chattered Mrs. Swackhammer. "Don't you hear them " "Aw, rats!" said Swackhammer, as he lay down and prepared for sleep again. "You scared me nearly to death. I thought it was plumbers." San Francisco Bulletin. Knlcker "Do you believe in a college col-lege education?" Bocker "Yes; it teaches a boy's father how to, take care of his money." Exchange. |