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Show The Emery County Review, Tuesday, May 20, 2008 The FAMILY PAGE Horoscope Focus On The Family Crossword B3 Figuratively Speaking FOCUS ON THE FAMILY Widow’s New Relationship Upsets Children Dr. James Dobson Q My husband died three years ago, leaving me to raise my son and daughter alone. For the past year I have been dating a wonderful man who has three kids of his own. We have recently begun to talk about marriage, which really excites me. I have a major concern, however, that my children are not in favor of the relationship, even though Bill has been very good to them and quick to include them in many of our activities. I know Chuck and Laura miss their father and don’t want to give up his memory, but I need companionship and this is definitely a good thing. How should I handle this situation? : If you love Bill and he loves you, I think you should press forward with your marriage plans -- especially if you have made it a matter of prayer. I do need to tell you unequivocally that the blending of your two families will not be easy. I have seen fewer than five “reconstituted families” in my professional career that didn’t experience major adjustments and struggles. The myth of the “Brady Bunch” just doesn’t A happen. There are highly predictable points of conflict that must be anticipated and dealt with early in the relationship. One of them is the situation you’ve described, where the children of one parent refuse to accept the new stepparent. These problems can be sorted out, but you must set your mind to doing it. My husband, Joe, tells me he feels suffocated in our marriage and wants out. What should I do? How should I change my relationship with him? Though I realize it may be the most difficult thing you’ve ever done, the only promising option at this point is to open the cage door and set Joe free! Gather every ounce of courage and self-respect you can muster and have a serious talk with him along the following lines: Q A “Joe, I’ve been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave. My love for you is so deep that I just couldn’t face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a terrible shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. “Nevertheless, I have been doing some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I’m reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I didn’t blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me. “So, if you never call me again, then I will accept your decision. This entire experience has been painful, but I’m going to make it. You and I had some wonderful times together, Joe. You were my first real love, and I’ll never forget the memories that FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING HOROSCOPE Week of May 19 to May 25 Wanda Perry Copley News Service ARIES (March 21 - April 19): Pay attention and handle your finances with caution this week. Avoid frivolous spending on items that you do not need. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20): Popularity among your colleagues will put your time and attention in high demand. Do not scatter your energy or commit to too many activities. GEMINI (May 21 - June 21): You can be very productive, happy or content spending quality time alone. Steal away to a favorite hideaway where you can focus on work or relax. CANCER (June 22 - July 22): Keep an eye on your spending and take advantage of an opportunity to increase your income. Meet with friends and review plans for a moneymaking project. LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22): Avoid forcing a career move. Be patient and listen to the advice of a counselor who is in a position to steer you in the most advantageous direction. VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): You are in a position where you must choose between what others want and what is best for you. Speak up and clarify your thoughts and feelings. LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23): Strive to gain control of your finances. Re-evaluate your spending habits, renegotiate the terms of your debt and pay cash whenever possible. SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21): It may be necessary to make a final decision about a partnership dilemma. Think with your head, not with your heart and be true to yourself. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): Program your mind to get a lot accomplished. Roll up your sleeves and vow to work hard and complete some unfinished projects. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Turn to a sibling or colleague to help you with a creative assignment. Put your heads together and come up with some outlandish ideas. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): Interacting with family members will promote better understanding this week. Speak honestly and openly discuss your problems and concerns. PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20): Look for opportunities to exchange information and to excel in different areas of communication. Take your time and strive for accuracy. If your birthday is this week, you have a highly visible and interactive cycle on tap for you during the coming year. Be prepared to spend plenty of time in the public domain and to make good use of the contacts or information that will become available to you. There is an idealistic, romantic or creative cycle that could work to your benefit or detriment; it is up to you. Rise above self-deception and face the truth about a partner, job or domestic situation. Also born this week: Malcolm X, Busta Rhymes, Notorious Big, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Jewel and Bob Dylan. (For more information go to www.wandaperry.com) we shared.” Slowly, unbelievably, Joe will see the cage door start to rise. He has felt bound to you hand and foot for years, and now you’ve set him free! “But there must be a catch,” he’s likely to think. “It’s too good to be true. This is just another trick to win me back. In a week or two she’ll be crying on the phone again, begging me to come home. She’s really weak, you know, and she’ll crack under pressure.” It is my strongest recommendation that you prove that your husband is wrong in this expectation. Let him marvel at your self-control in coming weeks. Only the passage of time will convince him that you are serious. (Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Solid Answers” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2008 James Dobson Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) John MacIntyre 57: Percentage of Ameri- cans who say it is “very or somewhat important” for them to be wealthy, according to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends project. 10: Percentage who say it is not important at all. Source: Pew Research Center for the People and the Press. 40: Percentage of American workers who say talking about television at work increases office camaraderie, according to a Spherion survey. 1, 2: According to women, ranks of “American Idol” (36 percent) and “Dancing With the Stars” (21 percent) as the two most discussed TV programs at work. 1, 2: According to men, ranks of “American Idol” (36 percent) and “Lost” (15 percent) as the two most discussed TV programs at work. Source: Spherion. 49: Percentage of Web users in the U.S. and the U.K. who say they use just one password for all their online accounts, according to a survey conducted by Accenture. 49: Percentage of Ameri- cans who say they don’t write down their passwords. Source: Accenture. 43: Percentage of em- ployers who say personal characteristics are the most important factor when assessing college graduates for potential employment, according to a survey conducted by Monster. 73: Percentage of prospective graduates who expect to receive two or more job offers upon graduation. Source: MonsterTRAK. 42: Percentage of advertis- ing and marketing executives who said “acclimating to a firm’s corporate culture” is the greatest challenge for professionals starting a new job, according to a survey by the Creative Group. 30: Percentage who cited “learning new business protocols” as the greatest challenge. 11: Percentage who said “adapting to a new manager’s style.” Source: Robert Half International. 59: Percentage of U.S. workers who say women are treated differently than men in the workplace, according to a study conducted by Adecco. 42: Percentage who say women are treated worse than men. 17: Percentage who say women are treated better. Source: Adecco. 80: Percentage of Ameri- cans who are awake by 7 a.m., ready for work and out the door in an hour or less, according to a survey conducted by Braun Research for Panera Bread. 61: Percentage who eat breakfast every day. 75: Percentage who say they would opt for a good breakfast over 15 minutes of extra sleep. Source: Panera Bread. 60: Percentage of all em- ployed executives who report they are satisfied with their current jobs, according to a survey by ExecuNet. 1, 2: Ranks of “boredom” and “a lack of advancement” as the sources of discontent among employed executives who are not satisfied with their current jobs. 12: Of executives who are not satisfied, the percentage who pointed toward compensation as the reason they’re looking to leave their current company. Source: ExecuNet. 1: Rank of the Commercial Bank of China among the world’s largest banks in terms of market capitalization at the end of 2007, according to a study conducted by the Boston Consulting Group. 3: Number of Chinese banks among the world’s top four banks in terms of market capitalization at the end of 2007. Source: Boston Consulting Group. Idle Thought “I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.” -- Ludwig Wittgenstein, philosopher See Page B6 for Puzzle Answers. Copyright 2008 John MacIntyre Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate. |
