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Show WWW.NETXNEWS.NET MONDAY • APRIL 3 • 2006 Mad hot Award-winning Ballroom Dance Team to perform Michelle Walker Life Editor Home with God leads amazon top 5 UVSC's renowned Ballroom Dance Team presents its annual Spring Concert April 12-15 in the Ragan Theater. "This performance will feature the current and fourtime reigning Open British Champions," said Scott Asbell, ballroom dance director and artist in residence. "One of the highlights is Laura Payne, and accomplished pianist as well as UVSC Ballroom Dance Team member and student, accomSpring Concert panying the tour team by playing Bach's Piano ConWhen: April 12-15 certo No. 5 to a Where: Ragan Theatre beautiful and very Cost: $10 general admission elegant foxtrot." The program will feature the tour team, reserve team and backup team in their always-captivating and unique styles and formations. Expect a wide variety of dancing including: swing, the Charleston, samba, waltz and foxtrot. And as an added bonus, the teams will be accompanied by guest musicians playing anything from classical music to popular songs and Broadway musicals. Tickets are $10 general admission, S8 matinee, and are available at Campus Connection. | Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends 2 The Alphabet Manliness J The World is Flat « | American Theocracy Game of Shadow H/9/J 5c/iod/ Musical leads Billboard's Top 5 Albums •"'->'•-'•*' . * - w i , p, v . v . " 1, y-rr.-y-'. . •-•,'•1. Vv H School Musical Soundtrack BOCK fo Bed/am- James Blunt l".v- :JJ My GhettoReport Core/- £-40 [;:';«| in My Own Word*- Ne-Yo [ 5 R°aMfy Check- Juvenile Courtesy photo/UVSC Qallroom Dance Dopt. UVSC Ballroom Dance team showcasing their variety of talent. lop Ion Reasons to live in Utah Valley k There's an endless 1 supply of exploitable freshmen 1 9 8 Words like "sliiz" and "fetch" are accepted social discourse Whenever you're down, there are always zoobie Jokes 7 Then again, there are always UVSC jokes too 6 Where else can you buy such thought provoking bumperstickers as "I Heart. Mormon Boys" 5 • m The protective bubble that wards off drugs, sex, and Liberals Weekend trips to exotic Nephi! Straightforward marketing agendas like Kneeshorts, Missionary Mall, The Living Scriptures, and anything involving the word "cougar" You can judge one's righteousness I You don't have to waste time annunciating your "n-t's" Inside man leads box office top 5 I Inside Man VforVendetta Stay Alive « | Failure to Launch 5 The Shaggy Dog A- . . - J- . •> by their caffeine intake Stay Alive— Stay away Jason Pyles Life Writer Completing Nintendo's Super Mario Brothers without warp zones or losing Luigi used to be no problem for a former game-r like me, but as video games have the same addictive powers attributed to pornography and heroin, I avoid all three. If only I would have known to stay away from Stay Alive, a movie similar to, but worse than, The Ring (2002). In the latter, viewers who watch some strange equestrian video are doomed to die. Stay Alive features gamers who, after initiating play, must win to survive. A player that dies in the game dies in a like manner in real life. The most unfortunate difference between the two movies is that there are no wells in Stay Alive, so the audience can't make a wish to see something else, though I tried. Director William Brent Bell based his movie on the real Elizabeth Bathory (Maria Kalinina), a serial killer infamous for torturing and murdering young women, earning her the moniker "The Blood Countess". Hutch (Jon Foster) and his friends have to beat the game by vanquishing the vixen without receiving any extra 1ups along the way. The video game image of the villain literally looks like CGI work from 1985. Using the over-used "Boo" startling techniques is common for horror flicks, but these combine a shriek that sounds like a 6 year-old girl screaming in the b;ill pit at Chuck E. Cheeses. Frankly, Chuck's pizza is more alarming. I won't disclose who wins, but if you watch this, you lose. How impressive is it to conquer an old hag wearing Victorian garb? Heck, with "un-super" Mario, I could beat King Koopa and he was much more scary! Bell should have used the Mario Brothers' villains for this flick. Who wouldn't thrill to hear the movie's coroner announce, "Cause of death-ricocheting turtle shell"? |