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Show Monday, September 11, 2006 THE DAILY UTAH CHRONICLE Abercrombie and witch Renny Harlin hocks another cinematic loogie and calls it The Covenant' entering or exiting the bar at the moment. Not until Screen Gems the boys have calmed down Directed by Renny Harlin does Sarah (Laura Ramsey, Written by J.S. Cardone in the role that should have Starring: Steven Strait, gone to Elisha Cuthbert in a Sebastian Stan, just world) pokes her head Laura Ramsey,Taylor Kitsch, out of the door with a look Toby Hemingway and of concern. "Is everything Jessica Lucas okay, Caleb?" Rated PG-13/97 minutes One of the characters Opened Sept 8, 2006 owns a bullet bike, and as we One out of four stars know from every movie featuring a bullet bike, its only __* J purpose is to get wrecked Aaron Allen and land its angst-ridden Vic Daily Utah Chronicle driver in the hospital. This is the second such scene in "The Covenant" is like two weeks, after the so-bad"The Craft" with a Y chroit's-hilarious "Crossover." mosome and a "Why?" quesI'm awaiting a movie called tion regarding its existence. "Careless Teenagers on BulFour interchangeably let Bikes" that just tosses brooding and handsome 17aside the pretensions of year-old boys have inherstory and gets right to the ited The Power from their cliches. "The Covenant" sorcerer ancestors, who fled ends—where else?—at the England 400 years ago to family barn where Caleb avoid their own barbeque. and Chase have a showThe boys attend a private down that involves lots of school, which, on the basis energy blasts and levitation of what we see in this mov- "We're warlocks, damn it. And warlocks stand around fire pits and rattle off bogus incantations." Teenage warlocks bicker about who's and eyes glazing over (mine, ie, doesn't so much require the prettiest in "The Covenant." too). I sat there and watched its students to attend class these 28-year-olds playing as only rush around outside cause if they use (sorry, Use) ("Oh, it's just you, Caleb!"). ing like Brad Pitt's lunatic full of inexplicable mo17-year-olds playing big boy in the rain, huddled beneath them too often, their bodies The Power doesn't seem to kid brother) who plans to ments, such as the scene in dress-up and wondered if I black umbrellas while a fore- wither up and ooze goo. Or have any limits—just what- exact revenge on Caleb be- which Caleb and his hothad enough money to pay boding church bell clangs. If something. ever the story requires it to causc.oh, I don't know,., headed friend Reid (Toby for parking. "You can grab a a funeral ever broke out at What "The Power" is, ex- do or be at any given mo- because he was never part Hemmingway, looking like second validation," my head this place, the kids wouldn't actly, never gets defined. ment. of Caleb's club? Apparently, the blond Backstreet Boy told me. Back in the movie, even have to change. Eyes flash and glaze over You get the sense that di- Chase is content with local- and none too happy about Chase pins down Caleb and Caleb Danvers (played by and suddenly the boys can rector Renny Harlin (He's izing his anger at a grudge- it) get in a fight outside he says, "Say the word and Steven Straight and look- levitate water jugs and back! And now he should go centric, high school level in- a bar and shoot blasts of this will all be over!" ing like an embryonic Josh Hummers with a flick of a away again!) and screenwrit- stead of directing it at world energy at each other. You Oh, how I desperately Hartnett) is the most sensi- wrist. They can also pick er J.S. Cardone are making domination, as any sensible would think this would call tive of the four boys, warn- locks, survive long falls, turn the plot up as they go. The warlock would. What puny attention to their secretive wanted to know that word so ing his reckless cohorts to into mist and suddenly pop plot, by the way, involves a imaginations he and the Power, but luckily, no one I could shout it out, myself. is standing outside the bar stop impulsively using their up behind girls to provide renegade sorcerer named filmmakers have. a.allen@ or looking out a window or "The Covenant" is obligatory shock moments Chase (Sebastian Stan, lookpowers (sorry, Powers) bechronicle.utah.edu "The Covenant*' PARTAKE IN LAMB OF GOD'S SACRAMENT continued from Page 6 but 1 can appreciate a band that does it right—dark, guttural vocals, manic fret-tapping guitar solos and frenzied drumming that must reach 180 beats-per-minute. It will work you over. And though I generally can't listen to metal for more THE HOPE OF HOLLYWOOD NOIR DIES continued from Page 6 choices in this movie's structure could have directly contributed to its lack of ability to create or sustain momentum. Simo's halfhearted investigation is cross-cut with the rise and fall of Reeves himself (Ben Affleck). He's an up-and-coming actor whose only claim to fame is that he had a small role in "Gone With the Wind." He gets involved withToni Mannix (Diane Lane), the wife of MGM head-honcho Eddie Mannix (Bob Hoskins). Toni supports George—and by "support," I mean, she buys him a house and completely provides for him as he looks for work—and he eventually lands a lead role on a soonto-be produced cheesy TV series, "The Adventures of Superman." George—and all involved, for that matter—considers the role a joke, and doesn't think anyone will watch, anyway. But then it becomes a smash, and George begins to resent his own fame, believing he will never be taken seriously as an actor. His concerns aren't without merit. People don't take him seriously as an actor and so, allegedly, he shoots himself. Or does he? Doubts about the legitimacy of the suicide story have been around for decades; Simo, after being hired by George's mother, finds clues that pose some disturbing questions—but that's about as far as we get. Simo suspects Eddie Mannix, even discovering some blemishes in Eddie's past to try to sell is arguably the best way to soothe a bad hangover, metal is the best way to visit the dark side of your sick, twisted soul and help you learn to own it—so it doesn't own you. WA HA HA HA HA!!! And with that, here are some words from our brothers in darkness, Lamb of God: "Blacken the cursed sun / You're not the only one than 10 minutes at a time, / To have sunk so far and low sometimes I find it is the ul- / There is no tomorrow," timate musical catharsis. Amen. Just like classic country v.johnson@chronicle.utah.edu the story. But the investigation, and the film, comes to no avail. I'm not sure what to make of Affleck's performancehe seems to be genuinely trying to create a believable persona, but somehow it still comes across as strained acting. The bigger problem with that subplot is that he and Lane have absolutely no chemistry. They spend a lot of time together on screen and there's never any heat. Director Allen Coulter, making his feature-length debut after directing several episodes of such series as "The Sopranos" and "Six Feet Under," has the visual storytelling part down. If only he could have married that with a threatening, mysterious atmosphere and a more convincing storyline, he might have had himself a nice slice of Hollywood noir. chdlarny@chrordcle.utoh.edu aBREINHOLT SUNDANCE AMPHITHEATRE CD RELEASE CONCERT FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 TICKETS $12 grass/$14 bandies AVAILABLE AT: 1-800-429-9920 www.polerbfoinholt.cDm IKE DOUGWFS'S www.roikedonghty»com ftroiifiVied Lndi>?s IN STORES SEPT. 12 NOVEMBER 22 nd at7:3O pm •<mmm> THEATRE AT THE^CENTER CENTER 101.9 Tlckois on sale at E-Centor box office and all Smiilisttx locations, Yittstfi charge by phona at 8014G7-T1XK or8OO.88B-TlKH oronllnoatwww^mftlistDtcom A N O T H E R PLANET ENTERTAINMENT^ APECONCgrtS.COM |
