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Show ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT Monday, September 11,2006 Page 6 ^Arouna tfcefKf *•£$:'$& " • Tuesday, Sept. 12 Monday, Sept. 1 1 * ' j o s h Gracin >Jurassic5 $25 advance/ $28 at the door <6 9 p.m. ' »7:30 p.m. The Depot (400 W. South Temple) * ' Pa ram ore • R a k l m w / special guest K i d Capri $20 advance/ $22 at door $ 10 advance/ $12 at door Fi"ee The Utah State Fair Park (155 N o r t h 1000 West) <19 < 17:30 p.m. Avalon (3605 S. State Street) * Kansas Free < • 7:30 p.m. p.m Suede (1612 Ute Blvd. Park City) Utah State Fair Park (155 N . I 000 West) The passion of the Chev How freakin'awesome is 'Crank?' Really, really freakin'awesome Chris Bellamy 77ie Daily Utah Chronicle Ben Zalkind Chronicle A&E Editor To be Chev Chelios is to be human; to be human is to be Chev Chelios. That is all we know and all we need to know. But Chev Chelios is more than just a man— his essence infuses a concept, a philosophy, even a way oflife. To see "Crank" is to know the scope of human experience and human suffering—and, by proxy, to plumb the human soul. It is probably the most important movie ever made. There were clues to the film's significance even in its trailer: "My name is Chev Chelios," boomed the velvet, Cockney voice of God. "And today is the day that I die." Obviously, such a statement conjures staggering philosophical implications. Today could be the day any of us dies. Maybe we're all Chev Chelios. In this world of spiritual unrest, Chev, and the vehicle through which he conveys his gospel, the movie-film "Crank," are what we need as a people. This is a man essential to his trine and place—a savior, even, not unlike Jesus the Christ. At first whiff, to compare the accomplishments of Christ to those of Chev Chelios may seem class• less, even crass—after all, Jesus never took police on a full-speed chase through a shopping mall. Jesus never had coitus with his girlfriend in the middle of L.A.'s Chinatown or precipitated the death of an Arab cabbie or defibrillated himself (literally) in the middle of a hospital. Jesus also never launched himself onto a helicopter mid-air to roundhouse punch his mortal enemy. Nonetheless, the similarities between these two mythical entities are undeniable. Like Christ, Chev—or "The Chev," if you wish—is being crucified by a world that has shunned him, a world that does not understand him. Rather than being nailed to a cross, our Messiah has "Stop! You know not what you do!" Jason Statham delivers a caveat to his betrayer in "Crank." been poisoned with "the Beijing Cocktail," a fatal blend of Chinese drugs and chemicals that cuts off his adrenaline and gradually slows his heart. He can only stay alive if he keeps his adrenaline pumping. Otherwise, he has about an h jur to live. Jesus had it easy. Then again, Jesus wasn't a contract killer working for a West Coast crime syndicate. Disregarding the rhyming "blessed are the meek/turn the other cheek" dogma, Chev, nonetheless, adheres to a chivalric "judge not, lest ye be judged" code of conduct. Yes, he is a hitman—but we are asked not to disregard that fact. We are asked to accept it, embrace itrand attempt to understand it. Such is life. We are all in the midst of our own personal existential awakenings, desperately trying to reconcile our desires with the external forces imposed upon us. We are forced to tion against Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo), his Pontius Pilate. He Lionsgate Films seeks the truth and to enlighten, not only his unassuming lady Written and directed by friend, but also, the whole world. If Mark Neveldme and this means he must snort cocaine Brian Taylor off a dirty bathroom floor to keep Starring: Jason Statham, himself alive—so be it. Amy Smart, Jose Pablo Cantillo, DwightYoakam, Of course, to fulfill his destiny, Efren Ramirez and he must do as he has been trained Carlos Sanz to do and kill lest he be killed. Rated R/87 minutes During one such divine mission, after having excised a villainous Opened Sept. 1,2006 infidel's hand with a meat cleaver, Four out of four syringes he posits, "How freakin' awesome was that?" \ \ \ \ How freakin' awesome, indeed. Along the way, Chev discovers that he has been betrayed by his ask ourselves: Do we have the former partner and boss, Carlito Chev Chelios it takes to confront (Carlos Sanz), whose "Christian" our fates head-on? name, no doubt, is Judas Escariot Indeed, it would behoove all of Carlito. Why hath Carlito forsaken mankind to operate under a "what Him? In that query lies many of would Chev Chelios do?" mantra. life's painful enigmas. Chev doesn't merely seek retribuSuch are queries that one must "Crank" Something's almost amiss Weak plotting prevents 'Hollywoodland'from achieving its full noir potential Chris Bellamy Ihe Daily Utah Chronicle "Hollywoodland" has all the ingredients of a juicy neo-noir: an unsolved mystery, an amoral private investigator and the seedy underbelly of the Hollywood studio system. It has the subject matter that could make a great thriller: One of the most notorious unsolved mysteries in Hollywood history, the death of "The Adventures of Superman" star George Reeves. It has the look of a good mystery as we see the story unfold through a grainy, washed-out lens that makes the film look "I CANNOT act. Why do people keep hiring me? I'm terrible. Really." Ben Affleck muses on his paradoxical success in "Hollywoodland." like a relic of the past. But "Hollywoodland" somehow the Focus Features film never Directed by Allen Coulter achieves the Written by Paul Bembaum feel of a film Starring: Adrien Brody, noir. We've Ben Affleck. Diane Lane. seen countChester Sinclair Jeffrey less examples DeMunn.Joe Spano and of this style Bob Hoskins of film, the Rated R/126 minutes Opened Sept 8,2006 best example Two out of four stars being "Chinatown." • • This film has the same elements of Polanski's masterpiece, but none of the effectiveness. Plagued by lethargic pacing that prevents the film from generating much suspense, "Hollywoodland" takes the investigation of Reeves' death, and all the variables that surrounded it, and turns it into a pedestrian-investigatory exercise. The ethics-challenged investigator, P.I. Louis Simo (Adrien Brody), certainly doesn't seem to care much about the case, making it difficult for us to care. That, and Simo never really gets anywhere. The phrase "grasping at straws" comes to mind often. Perhaps editing is the problem. They say a film is made in the editing room, and & t HOLLYWOOD reconcile for oneself on one's own tune. Chev Chelios is the vertex of all of life's journeys; "Crank" is merely the path that lights the way. i All paths lead to Chev Chelios— for it is he who scoffs at gravity. It is he who shakes his ruby-red ass at logic. Chev Chelios might be immortal. The final scene of "Crank" even hints at resurrection. One mustn't doubt "Crank" or Chev Chelios. No movie has ever consummated its messianic vision with such intensity, ridiculousness and entertaining...ness. In terms of sheer awesomeness, only Krishnamurti or maybe the Dalai Lama compares. It is the most bitchin' movie of the year. It and its prophetic star deserve your money—think of it as a collection plate. The power of Chev compels you. c.bellamy@chronicle.utah.edu b.zalkind@chronicle.utah.edu We're all going to hell Let's just hope Lamb of God provides the driving music Victoria Johnson The Daily Utali Chronicle This is the best Lamb of black metal you'll get God this side of Denmark, Sacrament folks—so this SunEpic day, go to church, take Five out of the Sacrament and five stars "BURN WITH ME IN • • • • • HELL!!!!" Of course, first-rate black metal will always come from Scandinavia, but for five guys from Richmond, Va., Lamb of God members hold up just fine—you'd think they'd rowed to the United States in a Viking ship with Satan's minions at the oars. But this isn't just some cheesy metaltribute band. The group describes its music as "pure-American metal" and that is just what it plays—authentic, skullshattering, bone-crunching, soul-sucking metal—American style. Admittedly, I am not a huge metal fan, ; See S A C R A M E N T Page 7 |
