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Show Thursday, December 8, 2005 DAILY UTAH CHRONICLE Robert Downey, Calendar ThursdayDec. 8 free. Ah, the perks of being a celebrity junkie. Ah, the holidays. Speaking of celebrity junkies, Calendar met Christian Slater the other day, and he's, like, 13-feet tall. No lie! And he eats cars-mostly European models, we don't know why. His favorite? The 1975.9-litre turbo diesel Peugeot A g e n t Orange, A time for spiking the eggnog, picking dead animals from the side of the road to give as gifts and dancing topless at the office Christmas party. It's a time for sitting on the laps of only slightly creepy bearded men whilst begging for a new Game Boy. Rollicking, raucous, good times. From First to Last, playing at Lo-Fi Cafe" (165 S. West Temple) at 6:30 p.m. for $10. playing with Charlie Don't Surf at Burt's Tiki Lounge (726 5. State Street) at 8:30 p.m. for $10. A number of Calendar's close friends have big holiday plans-going on cruises to the Caribbean, heading to New York for New Year's, road-tripping to Tijuana for pills and prostitutes...er, tacos. You know, the usual. Our bags are packed, our earmuffs muffed, our normal muff muffed and our socks pulled up around our thighs. We're ready to go. We received our confirmation from the center yesterday-printed on Frequent Try-er cardstock reserved for repeat customers-and we're a rarin' to go. Now, if we could only find that Roommate Change Request Form, we'd be golden like the goose. Straight up, we ain't bunkin" with that Draino-sniffing bottom But Calendar does not have such plans. This holiday season, Calendar has something extra special slated for ourselves: Rehab. That's right, kiddies-Calendar is getting clean. While you were all dreaming of a white Christmas, Calendar was busy having one. Actually, we were busy having one too many, and when we awoke in the alley behind a sleazy brothel a couple days back, we realized maybe we have a problem. And, as Calendar is a responsible events listing, we maturely identified our crutches and opted to get professional help for our afflictions. Goodbye, NyOuil. Goodbye, Zima. Hello boring, boring cold sobriety. Plus, we had a fling with Betty Ford a little while back, so we get spa treatment at her facility for feeder Dave Aude, playing tonight at In The Venue ( 2 0 0 S. 5 7 9 West) at 9:30 p.m., tickets at the door. Dude smells like feet and rotten pumpernickel bread. We can't clean up our act with those types of distractions. We require penitent concentration, not unwavering dry-heaves. Calendar hates pumpernickel... 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NEED MONEY? WE NEED YOU! jg/ "Syriana" Receive up to $ 1 8 0 a month. Study while you donate life-saving plasma! BioLife You could qualify for a special blood program if you have recently been diagnosed with any of the following: a "holiday-like" lion—named Asian. (PG) NEED MONEY? Plumbing, Electrical, Paint, Fasteners. o AXIS tt ALLIES COLLECTIOLE MINIATURES GAME MAGIC THE GATHERING: RAVNICA SETTLEBB OF CATAN TICKET TO RIDE GAME MACIC ft ILLUSIONS Movies Opening on 12/9/05 INVENTORS & ENGINEERS: Have a product? Started a company? Need funding? Contact us. We fund, merge, or acquire. SOURCE www.RDIsource.com RDI thriller about the fight over oil, starring George Clooney and Matt Damon. (R) "The War Within" panic over the enormous blob of insurgents on their radar—only to find out that it's just Michael Moore, in town filming "Fahrenheit 9/11: Part Two." (NR) Directed by Joseph Castelo A Pakistani man joins a sleeper cell in New York City—as in a "terrorist" sleeper cell, not the portable animal kennels your parents used to force you to sleep in. What? Was I the only one? (NR) "Scrooged" Directed by Richard Donnor If Ebenezer Scrooge and Gordon Gekko had a baby, he might look something like Bill Murray in this modern retelling of the Dickens classic. "Occupation: Dreamland" When the guy at the Tower Directed by Ian Olds and Gar- box office asks for your money, tell him, "Bah humbug, rett Scott American soldiers invade b'otch!" and see what hapFallujah in this entrenched pens. Maybe you'll get in free! documentary. Watch, for the ( P G - I 3 ) .; •:,:,-• ;v scene in which our troops Compiled by Aaron Allen Rock the dreidel of love The LeeVees keep the melodies kosher on new album Tfie LeeVees nukkah songs. Some may say that an entire album devoted to Hanukkah is ongapatchka, but the truth is quite the opposite—one album isn't enough! The LeeVees aptly titled de• ••• . but album, Hanukkah Rocks, Stop your kvetching, there boasts tracks: "Gelt Melts," is a new Sandier in town! For "Applesauce vs. Sour Cream" once, Jews have some music to and "Latke Clan." Upon hearing the track names, many be proud of. No more may be sch"Dreidel, vitzing, but Spin, Spin, The LeeVees Spin," or are nowhere even worse, near as "The Chanubig of an kah Song." embarassment to Jews Now as Adam there is no Sandier. reason for These songs Jews to feel do not rely-, ferklempt o n t h e i r • {• every time kitsch value the facacta to entertain; "Jingle Bell Each track Rock" blares on the radio. No, there is new boasts genuine musical ability Jew rock in town! that will even keep your goy It all started when two mes- friends entertained. hunginas had a cholem. Adam Adam and Dave did a mitzGardner (Guster) and Dave vah for Jews everywhere. I am Schneider (The Zambonis) so excited I could plotz! 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TRY OUR DEMOS AND GET HALF BACK Energy Resources Class - Metallurgy Eng, 1001 Sustainable Energy and the Environment Fulfil s Physical - Life Science Exploration Need advice 4 about the ailments in life? ;v Write to our This class will discuss fossil fuels, nuclear energy, renewable energy - solar, | wind and geothermal - and the effects of energy production on our columnists with! environment. We will examine strategies for conserving energy and creating a question and I a sustainable energy future. . . ^ get ail your | problems solved^ M-W-F 9:40 to 10:20 in 212 Browning Building For more info contact Dr. Jack Hamilton 581-6348 orjack.hamilton@utah.edu !chronicle.utah.edi£ |
