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Show ra Ae hr « you are getting sleepy...” Now doing head bump, numeroloay, and rei readings! | TRIES March 21 - April 19 The fruit does not fall far from the tree, unless the tree is on the pinnacle of a steep peak. Interpret that to mean you will serve yourself best by hanging out on the high peaks. This month make sure to turn up the flow rate on your oxygen bottle, drink more coffee and keep your seat belt ned because according to the Harper’s Index, Aries are most likely to be involved in an automobile accident. URUS April 20 - May 20 This month you may convince yourself that your life is worthy of a movie, or at least a biography. Be aware that G rated movies and bad short stories have a very small audience. As long as your audience of one, you, is amused who cares about the rest; let them all star in their own boring movies too. According to a recent survey, of all the denizens under the Zodiac, Taurus are most likely to use the Internet. That’s respectable, as long as it does not deprive you of time on the slopes. EMINI May 21 - June 21 The intrigue of merely one romantic partner has not struck a particularly resonant note with Gemini’s like yourself. The long nights this time of year are unusually conducive to an active social life; plan on a heavy rotation of poten_ tial romantic partners to satisfy your large appetite — being entertained by others. Dates on the slopes are a great way to get insight into the psyche of romantic applicants. ANCER June 22- July 22 Like O.J., you too may feel like you’re getting away with murder- but others around you are not as gullible as the jury for the O.J. trial (they live in L.A.). For your guilty conscience, the New Year is the perfect time to resolve to lead a better life. Faithfully indulge in the Holiday Spirit while you can and continue to acne the good cheer. Guilty conscience or not, you should resolve to ski/snowboard more. EO July 23- August 22 That trampled on feeling is the result of other people ee all over you. That tire tread or shoe print pattern on your clothes may be fashionable, but it is an all too real indicator of the treatment you may be getting from others. In order to project a “take charge” persona this month, consider purchasing some oe from the Army/Navy store, just don’t wear it on the slopes. GO August 23 - . September 22 This neanith you may feel that your shadow is your best friend- at — your shadew won’t disagree with you. Be aware that your seasonal mood swings are as obvious as the birthmark on Michail Gorbachev’s head and occur with the same randomness that Utah’s lawmakers justify their actions. Rest assured that yeu are just like the rest of us this time of year and would rather be skiing/snowboarding than doing anything else. IBRA September 23- October 22 In the next month you will find that the word “NO” will have different meanings to different people. What should be straight-forward, like the meaning of “NO”, exemplifies a grand scheme whereby people bend social laws and defy the laws of physics to meet their own self centered needs at the expense of others. on that just to poach a little powder on the other side of the “Avalanche Closed” signs. CORPIO DENALI Presents: October 23 - November 21 This month the demands and needs of others will reach critical mass, at which point you will either cave in completely or explode in total revolt. Whatever your choice, do not subdue your emotions, unless you want others to treat you like a primordial amoeba with no intent to evolve into a creature skiing/snowboarding is mankind has achieved. Erica, one of our expert associates, has been trekking in the middle East the past four months.... of the higher greatest resolve. Remember, evolutionary advance AGITTARIUS November 22 - December 21 It is inevitable that in the upcoming month there will be disagreement. Whether it is about movies, politics or simply picking a restaurant for a night - differences are good, as long as your opinion respected and ultimately your agenda is followed. When it comes to dis- agreements about ski resorts, just remember to always let the other person go to another resort and stay the hell out of your way at the resort of your choice. APRICORN December 22- January 19 Set your sights high | for maximum Holiday loot. This year think practical as extravagance will take a back seat to plain old necessity. Your good fortune will be appreciated this cold time of year as a new bed-warmer radiates heat like a furnace. Look to electric socks for a more pleasant experience on the slopes. — | In a cold dark cave wanting a sleeping bag. MONT-BELL ' QUARIUS 28 ...at the Dead Sea wishing for _ a PUR HIKER water filter NOW ONLY $39.95 & CASCADE DESIGN . | 20% - 30% offi! | | | ...in the desert wishing | f SNOWSHOES SALE ON NOW! unsettling event in the near future will, like a bad dentist, , | ieee | / \ _ . 484-5044 1140 East 3200 South Brickyard www.denalil.com | : as it doesn’t effect your wallet, health or ability to ski/snowboard ® j hit a ff raw nerve, but like water under the bridge or spilled milk, as long - who Denal January 20- February 18 Continue to count your blessings this Holiday season. It is unlike an Aquarius to be easily deceived by first impressions, especially since sometimes the graceful swan is hidden just behind the clumsy duckling. An Plaza f cares? ISCES February 19 - March 20 Rest assured that a colossal undertaking is very near its fated demise. With the same conviction that winter turns to spring, rest assured that as long as you take the parting shot, you win. Leave no grudge unquestioned, take no prisoners, and make no bones about exactly who and what you like and do not like. Fortunately for you, there will | be more time for skiing/snowboarding this season than you had last season. Page 9 |