Show Sunday Morning £ljc Sait £akc Tribune June 1939 1 7 4 0 T"'HE gentleman stopped in front of a New York theatre that I was featuring "Union Pacific” He examined the pictures in the lobby and then stepped up to the box office "Pardon me lady” he said to the cashier "but I’d like to ask a question about the attraction that’s playing here" The cashier looked up "Certainly sir” she smiled “How can I help you?" "Well" said the customer “I’d like to know what kind of picture this ‘Union Pacific’ is” The cashier was very gracious "‘Union Pacific’ is a railroad film” she "It has to do with the birth of a explained railroad that links the East with the West" The gentleman put his hand in his pocket and drew out twenty cents “Here you are” he said "Give me one MARK HEL1JMKB “How about ‘fleet’?" he suggested The playboy gripped the phone “You leave the navy out of this" he roared GIGGLES ticket’ The cashier shook her head "You’re a quarter short” she advised k "This dame is girl!" one-ma- n a IDEA Incidentally speaking of the fleet and such this story was supposed to have taken place recently when the fleet was in the East The proprietor of a Manhattan coffee pot called his help to ' his side "Now get this:" he said "The navy is in town and I expect plenty of business from the sailors The gobs have a language all their own when calling for food and I want you to know the terms “If a sailor calls for sea pie that means he wants beef stew Mississippi mud is cocoa sea gull is chicken fish eyes is tapioca pudding pancakes are collision mats and red lead is ketchup"' He stopped to check the list He looked up suddenly “Just one thing more” he added "Many of the gobs will call for steak so bear this in mind: In the havy steak and shoeleather are the same thing—’’ A customer who was struggling with a tough piece of steak overheard the last remark He pushed the steak aside "Take this away" he growled "And bring me the shoe-leather!- "The price is men playing chess— and I will always consider it my most realistic piece of work" The woman was tremendously interested "Is that so?” she said “And this painting of the two men playing chess— did it win ” forty-fiv- e cents” The customer nodded “I know” he chirped “But I’m getting off at St Louis 1" OBJECTION The playboy sat in his hotel room penning a sonnet to his At two in the morning he picked up the phone and called the desk clerk “Maybe you can help me" asked the playboy "I need a word to rhyme with 'sweet'" Tfe”c7erip6nJered for a moment latest love DAFFY TALE Our weekly nut story has to do with a lady visitor to one of our most select asylums She stopped before the padded cell of a screwball artist who had several specimens of his work hanging on the walls "I really must compliment you" she told the nut "Those pictures are very warm and very life like” The screwball smiled modestly "Oiviliese years agoy I’SU’bmitlbd an oil painting to an art exhibit It was a life size picture of two are-nothin- prize?" The screwball sighed "Alas" he murmured "to this day the judges can’t even get near it There are twenty-nin- e persons ahead of them waiting to challenge the winner!” ( SWITCH The patient breezed into the medico’s office He cornered the doctor "Say ’Ah’ 1” he commanded The doctor struggled to break loose "Why should I say ’Ah’?” he protested “I’m not sick” The patient waved a wad of money “I know” he cried "But I’ve come to pay you the bill I owe you!” A HESENTMENT The stew came home at three A M He floundered into the bedroom and began to undress without bothering to switch on the lights When his clothes were off he made a leap for the bed But his aim was very poor and he landed on the floor instead Groaning mightily the drunk struggled to his feet Poising himself he made another dive for the bed— and again he missed The clatter awakened his wife "John!" she called “What are you doing?" The stew raised himself slowly from the floor "I'm jus’ try in’ to find the bed" he panted His wife grew annoyed “It’s certainly taking you a long time" she stated angrily "Why don't you switch light?" ’The "drunk drew himself up and prepared for another leap "Nothin’ doin’" he hiccoughed "I'm no sissy!” " - QO-the — HOLLYWOOD ALI BABA DRAWING UT SAM BlKMAN (Being nn Imaginary Communication Written by the Head of the Scenario Department to f Pluto Peters President of Monotony Pictures) Dear Boss: Did you’ ever think of doing a picture based on "Ali Baba and The Forty Thieves"? Not in the old setting of course because that’s kid stuff My idea is to modernize the thing make a terriffic Western out of it with music and call it "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baba"! In case the basic story has slipped your mind it has to do with a hold up outfit that gets very nasty when this Ali Baba guy tries to chisel in on BEST BETS OF THE WEEK Random Notes About Pictures You'ie Seeing: You know by now I imagine that “ONLY ANGELS HAVE WINGS” starring Cary Grant and Jean Arthur is as fast and exciting an air film as Hollywood has ever turned out The piece is extremely well written the laughs are abundant and Cary Grant — well on his way to becoming the nation's favorite screen actor — turns in a honey of a job "ONLY ANGELS HAVE WINGS " is sincerely recommended to n a m you as one of the best melodramas of this or hi jlan I fear that "HOTEL IMPERIAL" which had any other year a great deal of advance publicity does not live up to its fanfare If The picture has its moments but they are very far apart you're a Grade Allen fan — and there must he millions and millions" of us— you’ll find "THE GRACIE ALLEN MURDER CASE very much to your liking Grade has never been more screwbally in her entire career and a thoroughly competent cast assists her mightily throughout 1 found "THE GRACIE ALLEN MURDER CASE" a very entertaining feature and I think you will agree with me The political economic and cultuial history of America during the past fifteen years is brilliantly presented in the new work by Charles and Mary R Beard "AMERICA IN MIDPASSAGE" This is no dusty analysis This is a glowing authoritative picture — an interpretation of changeful years a signpost of things to come It is a triumphant sequel to their now famous "THE RISE OF AMERICAN CIVILIZATION" Among the new fictions " PU RSLAN E" by Bernice Kelly Harris a tale should enjoy you of a North Carolina cotton farmer The patchwork story presents one phase of the South through the medium of everyday routines It will definitely hold your interest A A Odds and Ends rn the Entertainment World: Hollywood is For several years Ricliaid Dix was a the goofiest of places waning star Nobody knew why baause he was as good as ever and the fans liked him But he was slipping rapidly when along came " Man of Conquest"— and today Dix is wanted by every studio Record I liked best on the Coast Maybe you can figure it out this week was "Sunrise Serenade" and "If It's Good I Want It" as played by Hal Kemp and his orchestra They're telling of the most conceited counterfeiter in the whole world Seems this guy was so egotistical that he finally wound up putting his own picture on dollar bills! Here and There in the World of Sports: Consensus of opinion on the Pacific Coast is that SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA will again represent the West in the 1940 Rose Bow 1 football classic Don’t be surprised whvn'thc Our own dark horse is UCLA WHITE SOX take two out of three from the YANKEES in their AL HOST A K will regain the middleweight senes this week he when championship fights SOLLY KRI EGER at Seattle late MARK II this month — and don't say we didn't tell you prospecting on the side He keeps on prospecting until he finds a girl like Ann Sheridan whom he considers the best prospect in years From then on Boss the story practically writes itself if the Hays office will only see if our way For the smash finish we go right back to the original What could be better aud'ence stuff than foity villains being dunked in hot oil by a girl who single-handesaves the man she loves from a fate worse than I tell you Boss it’s not only sensational it's absolutely good Please let me know what you think of this idea — M H They knock off Ali’s brother — and they’r looking to fix Ah’s wagon too But a slave dame wises up to the notion ind saves All’s life by pouring a load of hot oil on the robber’s conks Now it stands to reason Boss that they would not go for such a plot today even in Radio City My idea is to hoke the whole thing up by starting in a Western town where they are celebrating the arrival of the first railroad train on the line of the Atchison Topeka and Frankie Fay How’s that idea for novelty Boss? In our story Ali Baba could be a cowpuncher who likes to do a little their racket )T a s if i i f jIFJSJfCTir ' k yK pci nutted a-- a- - v: n n n ? si nfuuv i He sighed heavily lie couldn’t have the k V i n 1) s-- WAS r fieshingly cool In Central Purk this and the salfron btieot lamp- made moving patterns on the walks through the tieis Somewhere over the spire a peel of orange moon began to show The lake looked black as onyi and the clanking oailocks seemed to be beating time to e the plaintive voices that sang the songs In the middle of the paik couples strolled aim They whispeicd ami they slowly arm-ilaughed and they talked of love and life and moie love I’cte Moignn sat on a bench watching them Be wasn’t old and he wa-nFete felt sad He young but budding love made him sad eat there watching — and wishing Wishing that someone would hold his arm tight like that and look up Into his eyes and smile that knowing smile The couples walked slowly by the girls’ heels making thaip little sounds on the concrete walk Conversations were generally low and Sherry-Netlicchend- old-tim- n Momma Says she Emus uhett Ue run fit our stale Itii set cals nine dollurs (II onuv u tumid In tie In he I SUM 10 till hots I SUM Ilf till got til nil got nittii trd I alls tin 9 t)tt lit ruts lit n hut 1 1 unil unit" da“ ft The woman listened to them all She eiiank m the words that young men and young women have been saying for centuries The words have differed through the yeais but the meanings never And on the other end of the bench Fete And he Morgan heard all the woidv too thought how wonderful it would he to have a little romance to he rid of that lonely feeling for just a little while She stood up The woman routed herself She walked over to Fete Moigan He looked up at her ami anl nothing “Feel re ted cfnough to walk home now'"’ she v aked Ho stood up slowly ‘‘Yeah" lie giunted and thmkm’ how dopey them just siltin’ ” y oung kids ai e "1 was oinaff nodded she said "It suie gets on your mrves to listen to ’em I guess maybe the pnik ain’t no place for people like t who have been married for Iwrmty years’’ he "Mo 'I annul tliese tint i 7 hat Idutd met VT and how tie didn’t hle eat It vlhrt at fust tee U terms ufe i ago— and yet it's only seten a eels and four tints y‘m run's l"tr rrrr in mm It m t lot t Son I hat uotdd hr impossible dullest Why I i cubin' I "Unl hie v ’ it unit Fete Moignn sat lime silently listening to it And wishing all the time g it watching it io v O'Pjrlght I'M Ring too” V M - 1 dole w u-- i e And" nue e “ linn" “Oh v just about audible mean?" "but At the far end of the same hem a woman sat unnoticed She was a late-tlity ill Hi u nr tie with wavy hair and sad saueer eyes She too watched the paiade And she too listened to the words of undying love and the plans for the futui e s he scene i armed her back to a small town A town les than a hundied miles from this very spot m Central Fark And more specifically it el carried her back to n freckle lmy who promised to conquer the world some day and place it at her fei t He wav a stoi ekeeper’s son He had dicainy eyes ami coppery hair that hung down over his eyes He wav always flicking it hack av he talked mountainous dieanis She had left him and the small town at the same time She thought she had forgotten both e i y quickly— hut now as she watched these young-ter- s strolling pavt she could see heiself and that freckled-fackid in this very pai aile She could almost hear him now telling her of Ins plana for gi eatress and the riches and the enatles and the yachts he would have some day And then she sighed heavily All that was far behind her Romance love all these weie (iinlcTmv gone Life had developed into a kaleidoscopic movie of haid ship ami tmggle and worry She might have married that hoy Ami yet in a way she wav glad she hadn’t She knew she had never really loved him And life might have been i a woivc mess than it turned out to be She watched the moon come high over the patk its fading mange turning to silver until it looked like a Christmas or- - t miment hanging over the trees f mi-tent irnentil Through Cy’fv Sho Watched and listened v to the strollers tnlr Mm told me Ins pits nerv-ouvl- ’t ‘So it li - hedtoom "Hut It was a poor substitute-h- ut it wav the only method that Fete Moignn knew f - IT night “I stage romance that goes with youth he’d have it bv sitting here nn a park bench watching and hs- telling sa 4 td the sweete-- t 3 lines hr tliinl uc'te fimnn do nothing hut neigh " It ell ulnit can you say In relumes J uttd to think that hue tins the hunk Ihn l I usid to htugh at till my ttnsc I mum it htttgh lurnils uko uetc in hue Hut non I knou—ucll I mean I inn't — oh pul It into Holds" aper oil lionet uc do med euttt tiwnet — and it's Sill It un old fashioned idrn I lull liifc shouldn't noil besides till mule me pinial to think that I’m helping you and that uc tc hot1 utnhing for eath other Nrr ulnit I deotest i an I help II if your old iiiun doesn't like me After nil I'm iniir tying you — not your And it he doesn't unnl In come to the apartment Iannis let Inin slny niuiy I'm paying the rent mil Id go anyuhete unit you sit ectlicai t I'd hie in China if you said the mud I line you so nun h thin sinnehnics I gel a hide iijiiud vl myself It isn't natural to hue so dcrpls the icoy ” lad I things Keep gain okiis I figure that in uhoul tuo yea is ue'll be aide to suppoit a kid sery sude musrlirt' of life to pass hy without no tice He longed with all his soul to lie young again to sample the great joy tiie-- e couples were experiencing vVcil x - - M that he had a swell girl who eared — that much He knew now that lie had 1 'fj ml d f i v 5 y "f fill tins smle fiinf 11 hn SrnilttA ' to be a bathroom a bathroom uanls tu In the middle 1 of 1?: the pjtk couples sltolled slowly' mm-in-nt- i sj t |