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Show THE SALT- LAKE TRIBUNE, SUNDAY MORNING, JULY - Potash and Perlinmtter S m m g s to By Montague Glass I I ISSUIIiliUtlltlllllllllllllltlilllltfttlltllllllllllllllllllllllllltlllllBIIIIItllltllUlliililiilii'lllliSSItlllll Discuss Gold and Brass Keys T 6EE.V Max Iijimerglick on the Subway this morning, and Max it all upset ea account hi ton Dexter (iraiigawated at tb head of his class high ichool, "Abe Potash observed the other duy. "Max eajt that if Dexter .don t do no better than tnat la eollege he'll take him out, and put him right into busi i r I'-- ness." "Excuse me, but are you m'eshuggeh or am If" Morris Perluiutter asked. Because if Dexter could do any better than gradganate. at the head'of his class; yunderadcnd, then it mmt be that Max expected him to also get away with a 1 1 II II II -I It- students," Morris replied. "Most NEWTORK (AP). TTiree and four .of these. ew lork t.ity assistant million-shar- e day m the Nw York about vice presidents look like sports to lock exchante have brought In on innovation 8nling- out ots me, and also, Abe, they don't seem statements monthly photout.c as though their marks had beeu as ot ledger For yeara leading mmmlxlon houses high as medium." Wail In street have prided themselves 'Probably once in a while a psy- on the practice of niail.ng itatementi chologist makes a mistake, too," to customers promptly on the first of Abe answered, "but he never makes each month. Recently many uf them such a bad mistake at to pick out have been two o 10 days Ute through sheer Inability of overworked clerks anv of them boyt with the square lo copy the voluminous entries of pur. watch-keytIn Mawruss, goid fact, chases and sales after the close of month. time after the only gradgawaUon the last 4utlneM day ot the One firm hit upon the Idea of havthem honor student with the square t f all made ing photostatic copies ever meet their for- tlve gold watch-keyaccount after the books had been medium the mer classmates with posted and balanced and is sending to customers, claiming that conmarks, y 'understand, ia when tbem them siderable time is saved In the process. an honor students has to explain The question of any saving in expense overdraft to an assistant vice pres- is still to be determined, but the will he conducted aiJ. if ident." found practicable, other large firms 'But do college professors and probably will follow suit. college presidents know all this?" Morris inquired. is going to give a receiving teller "Certainly they know it, otner-wis- writer's cramp exactly." why should the presidents of "But you take a college student1 Vale aud Harvard be so anxious to whose is just the ordinary key get into their colleges only such which will open a .deadlock on a come of who families, stylish boys closet door in a college student's and you know how a boy who Comet private room, Abe, and in after life, The behaves. a of stylish family understand me, many a financier only use such a boy hat got for a will remember with gratitude the key in college is to lock up his sup- headaches he used to get in that plies to that the cleaning woman college student's Toom," Morris concan't get at them," Abe said. tinued, "and the first thing you "Well, at that, Abe," Morris ob- know one of them ordinary brass served, "them psychologists ain't keys will land the college student wrong when they don't pick out an" account with an average daily grade A students for bank vice pres- .balance of two hundred thousand idents. How many new customers dollars." could such a grade A student bring "Then you fhink that a parent into the bank! At most he would who has a "son at college should write bring in the feller who made the him every once in a while a lettrr. gold key and maybe one or two pro and warn the boy that he should fessors, and the bank account of a get only C's and D's in hit marks!" college professor am t nothing which Abe suggested. "Well, I wouldn't go so far as to do that, Abe," Morris concluded. "Most college students will get C's and D swithout being reminded of it, and even F's, too." (Copyright, 1929, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc.) co;,-te- c s ther." "-- I m agreeable," Morris retorted. "This it the time of year when it's a whole lot better to sell garments than to discuss matters further. isr vi But at the same time, Abe, if there's a catch in it Montague Glass. jt take- - up too murfc time." "There's no catch in it nowheres," Abe declared. "It is now practically admitted by everybody that only them boyt which has had fair to medium marks in high ichool and college, Mawruss, hat a good chance of succeeding in after life, whereas practically the sole use for one of gradgawating classes of the Eastern which Universities, and them psychologists them square, gold watch-keyare presented to pupil who got good picked out from the sober students marks, y 'understand, is that some alone enough boys with medium day, after they've pawned the watch marks to fill all the vacant assistant and paid their room rent with that, vice presidentships." "So that's bow banks get all understand, they can afterwards pawn the key and keep themselves them assistant vice presidents, is live a little longer." itf" Morris remarked. "How do you suppose they got "Whoever spread it, this must be rood news for lot of fathers with themt" Abe demanded. dumb children," Morris remarked. "Well, for one thing, I didn't "But the point is that them chil- think it was from among the sober dren ain't dumb," Abe said. "That . r is already a idea, I admit that in the niceties and .also in the nineteen hundreds it used to be considered that a 'boy who got bad mark's in eollege was considered dumb. But. where is that boy today, Mawruss f" should know!" Morris exclaimed. "A floor walker maybe." "That's where you make a big mistake," Abe replied. "He 's pres-ident of so many light and traction companies that he couldn't tell you, within twenty or thirty, how many lawsuits are pending by minority stockholders to enjoin the merger. Also, Mawruss, in June alone he probably had two daughters at the eonrt of Saint James to meet the King ad Queen of England and two more' at' the "fifty-rturtfStreet Court to meet Judge Sheehan for Hispano-Suizas- , speeding in their own out how about the boy who was at the head of this class in college f" "Doa't tell me, if it's going to mak in feel haA " Mrtrria snirl aia't me that's telling you," 'a them psyAbe continued. chologists which are hired by the leaders of big business to pick out from the June crop of college those boys which look like they would turn out to be , which get. In all probability. )ast June alone the Midtown Trust and Savings Institution sent seven or eight psychologists at ten ro aJtpMeri t , srx4a6y dollars a house call and five dollars Zfee to mite cAa ftnpaiet Jjmta an office call to investigate the I - ; badi-numbe- mn 1RKFT u IIIU Maw-mas- e i ! la for Hoover because Hoover tried to break down the allied blockade against Licrmany after the armistice. Infidel fellow traveler who la for Al Smith because. Al Smith la opposed by Baptist evangelists who are against evolution. Polish Catholic fellow traveler who Is against Al Smith because he thinks too many Irish get to be bishops. Republican watlonal committeeman, from south, Catholic who hopes klan will vote for Hoover. Reminds the writer that the klan for reasons of Its own supported Senator Brnussard. Catholic, In Louisiana. European fellow traveler In depot, being polite to the writer: "It's fine to get out of all the old Intricacies of Europe and breathe the air of this new fresh simple direct country." National Men and" Affairs 7 WILLIAM HABD. H - couple of gross of the high acbool'i lead pencili and the principal 'a watch and chain, ain't it t "Say!" Abe exclaimed. "If this is what you think that Max meant by such a remark about his own son Dexter, y 'understand, then there ain't no use discussing the matter no fur- VP CDMES. ht. X la illllllllllllllllllllllltltllttltltllllltUIIIIItlltltSlltttttllllttStllllSIIIS lent iniiiuiiiimiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiuiiii"iiiiiiiiHi"iii'iiM,llta,,,Iltfll,aa,,ll,'l,,,'l,",It,'l,a'' 8, 192S. "tutiiiiiiitisMitisiiniiilitisttiiisttsttitiiittitssiiiiiiiliamtiitiiitti" SEASIDE CITY, Long Beacn Long of booths along the beach. In almost every booth some sort of revolving wheel for gambling. Hordes of people, nice looking people, betting on the turns and stops of these wheels. A happy, carefree gambling country. Same city. Squad of stealthy state officers. They creek up a back atalr-cas- e In a hotel. They burst Into a i.om. They capture five men who are playing poker. They drag them away lo Incarceration. ar. Great puritanical country. A new sign under the glass on top of the drexscr in the- rooms of distinguished hotel; will be found Bottle opener to woodwork of bed room." Takes the place, apparently, of the bibles left around In hotel rooms by the Gideons. Solace cf hotel rooma In the old days: Klat c wtter. Now: firewater and fiaz. Great large hearted loos country row Same tollers In same city approach a home going atreet car. African Caucaalon go Into rear aectlon. toilera go Into front section. Barrier between. Firm Segregationist country. German fellow traveler who Is against Hoover because Hoover fed the Belgians during the war "for the British." German fellow traveler who Colored boy: delivery truck: traffic signal. Runs by It. Traffic cop. ArHalf pint of liquor. rest. Sftrch. Judge. Boy says aome other fellow el'pped It into car. No excuse. Illegal Thirty days. possession. Great drastic determined forcement country. law en- toll-er- Banana wharf at gulf a "Transylvania"Se sailing Jan. 31 SUys, SI7M Clark's Bth emit, tnchxilnj- - lfed.tr. Canan l.lands. C.Mhl.nea, Cejltai crfkoroor Spun. Airier. UaJta. Athena, CeoeoutUiaBle 14 dare I'aleitui and Erryt, llaij. Iaehid4 etcia, gudea, mo ton, ic kbt. th World Cralea fWaatwartf Jan. 16: llOdarm. IOCO ta$au Mtta eio iSO tmnm F. C. CLARK, Times Bldg... New Yera, Tribune Want Ada can find some buy your bust- ness or realty that la for sale. one for you who IN THIS MOST SUCCESSFUL' YEAR ' THAT STUTZ HAS EVER HAD, ITS FINANCIAL STABILITY COMES A; THING . OF DOWNRIGHT PRIDE. HANDSOMER BE- A SAFER,. SPEEDIER CAR HAS MADE. POSSIBLE iTHATiFINEi ACHIEVEMENT. Eloquent passenger In smoking compartment: I tell you, all the bureaus of Washington are run for the rieh fellow aisalnat the poor fellow. Take the department of agriculture. Do they run it for the farmer? No. air. Those politicians down there, they grab hold of it and they run it square against the farmer all the time. That'a why I Fay we ought to have a federal farm hoard down there, to look after the farmer." Everything politicians noV do Iswrong. Everything they will do unoer some new law is line. Great cynical optimistio oountry. 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