| OCR Text |
Show SEPTEMBER 1996 SCHEDULE « Silver Streak Big Baby 1OK Run & * Miner’s Breakfast (Cooked Cover-up It’s the Diaper, Stupid! Steeplechase by Miners!) By Randy Hanskat * Treasure Hunt (silver bars, coins — REAL Treasure)!! + ere I sit, staring at a wind-up Winnie the Pooh, contemplating my existence in this new after birth world. You see, I was just changing my two-week-old son Harry (see earlier columns for how Harry got here). It was the second diaper in, oh, about three minutes. He bluffed me into thinking he was done. No biggie, though, just whip off that second Huggies, marvel at the odd yellow green tint, and reload. But there I made a rookie mistake. Bending down with the soiled garment, intending to insert it into that most magical instrument, the Diaper Genie (which takes the abused diaper and hermetically wraps it, not unlike sausage, to permanently capture all odor), I felt something wet hit my hair. Curious, I thought, is there a leak in the ceiling? Leak yes, roof no. The leak had sprung from Harry, doing his best imitation of a little Greek statue, and was Miner’s Food! Just like the good old days! 100-year old crafts! Panning for Silver! + Drilling Demo! Zion’s Art Show! + Music, Music, Music! : Trolley Rides! Park City Silver Days * Dancing! Period Costumes! - Centennial Laser Display! + in Time” SEPTEMBER Historical tours! : Rip-roarin’ melodrama! Bank “A Step Back + Fun, Fun, FUN! All this, and the rides at Park City Ski Area will 238 7:00 a.m. — 8:00 p.m. be At The Park City Ski Area Call (801) for more last cascading about three feet onto the top of my information Tour des Suds i My SAT.,SEPT. 21st in Park City Ng * : | V THE RACE: A mountain bike hill climb. Rolling Mass start. 1700’ elevation gain over 5 miles. 10:00 am s Looking up, I was thrilled Guardsman i REGISTRATION: ices A shirt wol/am- ind t-shirts ibility. oleSport, subject © t in Park City and many bike shops s Pick-up Tegistratian forms Jans, White Pine Touring [he Jupiter Peak Steeplechase nt of tt jon's Bank Silv vith a full day of activitiesfor the | Nea) fe \ 10K Fun Run, Hist in Salt Lake. Preregistration cost is $10 and closes September 18th. S Same-day registration cost is $15 « and closes at 9:30 a.m. Make checks pay payable to Mountain « Trails Foundation. Send to bre Tour Des Suds, PO Box 754, « Park City, UT : 84060. is a featured For more information *% contact Tim Henney, whole famul\ great way tospend the day in Park Cily The Jupiter Peak Steeplplechaseseisis |pre by and benefits the Mountain ‘Trails ndation. The run is sponsered by Lhe Park Ski Area. and the Park City Chamber/Bureau XN 1996 Avenues September summer a City Sept. 28th in Park City house, — the people Street 21 * 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Live Music, Art, Antique ph the events. XN Auction 240-5472 Juprrer PEAK STEEPLECHASE‘, Sat., under FAIR S series of Park Ci crawlspace up and conspiracy of silence conspiracy not to tell pregnant The Tour Des Suds is ~ part of the First & Security Bank sented ilo Should I insert Harry in the ll be on my way. First off, let's expose the big cover- ¥, 649-4035. \_ More ness involve only items such as suc- where he could develop nicely, one day becoming either a serial killer or a Republican? Such was my mindset only minutes ago. But don’t worry, this isn’t one of those mushy baby columns, gooing about the wonder of the whole thing. I just have a few issues to cover here about this whole baby business, then 10,01 mM. star! Sat First Security Bank, Cole Sport, Jans Registration: )\)) Mountain Outfitters, White Pine hence Seah Oe tar olarie ‘\. Touring and Deer Valley ticket offices 521-4692 XS PAGE Six days into it, the reality is a teensy bit different. As uncontrollable wailing leaves the realm of human sounds and crosses into something from a Godzilla movie, you edge toward insanity. As your barometers of happicessful burping and innovative methods for getting the child to sleep, you start to sprint toward Nutsville. Finally, when analyzing the color of what’s in the diaper, you know you've arrived, camped out right there in LaLa Land. About this time, you look at your to the Pickup registration forms with Frantically stuffing a Kleenex over Mommy? Pass. home baby is like. It is perpetuated by people who already have their own children. They tell you you'll be tired, but that it’s a good tired (and Phoenix at 131 degrees is a nice, dry heat). Then they butter you up with all kinds of other niceties. They're cute even when they spit up, you know. the offending hose, I then looked down to receive the final insult, as more yellow green goo was now emanating from his undiapered behind. At that moment my sanity wavered. Should I run? Should I cry for my Diaper Genie? Should I become a Crack addict? Should we banish Harry start at City Park, end at Qa parking la mile aS loop course with Jupiler | ‘| cr summ : ; head. to notice that Harry had sprayed the First Security “. Kl for the wall, the changing table, even his beloved wind-up Pooh Bear, in route to my head. ‘fe c open time this season! 649-6100/800-453-1360 what the real first month (information for booth space rental) 4 spouse and in unison you both utter, “What have we done?” Hey, and you opted for this ride of your own free will. It’s not as if this is some sick Nazi experiment. You can't blame someone else. You bopped, you embryoed, you gestated, you popped. Now what? You begin to have many questions. IfI let the baby’s head fall back will it just pop off like a doll? If so, can you snap it back on? If breastfeeding, which will end up bigger — your wife’s breasts or the Goodyear Blimp? If we run out of cream, can I use breast milk in coffee? Or will that make me want to sit in an electric swing all day and stare at pur- ple dinosaurs? To pacify or not? Disposable versus cotton? Huggies versus Pampers? Dr. Spock or Dr. Seuss? Regardless, I’m sure it will all work out. Besides, even if insanity takes me, at least there’ll be Lithium! Guess I better close up this third diaper in a row, pay homage to the Diaper Genie, and carry little Harry off into the sunset. Uh, one more thing: how long did they say before he is toilet trained? @ |
