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Show JULY 1996 this is the place pilver Junction by John Helton Mercantile BINGHAM JUNCTION ANTIQUES and COUNTRY STORE “You Can't Sell From An Empty Wagon” Articipation Galleries Original, Limited Editions, Sculpture, New Artists, Framing, Etc. eA. Friberg APPIN: ¢ H.F. Sellers *J.Bama °B. Dolittle (801) 649-8654 558 Main St. ¢ P.O. Box 715 Park City, Utah 84060 Ray of Dawn Experience the unique treasures of the world: Clothing, Jewelry, Purses, Jackets, Dresses, Gifts Come explore the beauty... 309 South Main Street « SLC 359-3632 “Remember, it is forbidden to live in a town which has no garden or felg--tal-1 aa Kiddushin 4:12 A Message from RUTH DRAPKIN 801-649-9200 / 1-800-999-7355 ” ad Wardley Better Homes & Garden Let Us Peddle Your Bike! Active Sports Recycling specializes in consignment sales and service of “experienced” bikes, fitness equipment, and in-line skates. We provide repairs and tune-ups. Visit our shop in the 9th & 9th neighborhood, (We're sh behind Ei Phone 363-6244 Mention this ad on your next Located in the Woodman Building — “sit and receive 5% off parts, 859 East 900 Sout Salt Lake City, Utah 84105 7 accessories, and service @eeeoeoeaseeoeocoaoeaes2e20e20200000000000000000000000008080808008082 | Real Estate Olympics? Parallel Universe Mirrors Park City By 1B. Rappaport n the biggest discovery since Cold Fusion was observed in a mayonnaise jar at the University of Utah eight years ago, scientists say they have discovered portions of a parallel universe that seems to mimic or mirror Park City, of all places. Using giant electromagnets, portions of an atom smasher, and a huge telescope aided by an old Nally’s dill pickle jar, U of U scientists say they can observe “atomic shadows” of what appears to be a parallel reality. That's right, just as Spock predicted in some of the earlier episodes of Star Trek. Taking on appearances of what looks to be the mirror image of an old ski town now turned into a mining camp, or vice versa, researchers have named it “Krap” — that’s P-A-R-K spelled backwards — “City.” Early observations have revealed that Krapites, the people living in Krap City, like their counterparts in this reality, are preparing for their own version of the Olympics. The mirror image of 2002 is, after all, 2002. But in Krap City, the Olympics seem to hinge around real estate. Instead of skiing, Krapites prepare for the Olympics by buying up real estate and then selling it. In something like PAGE musical chairs, the one without any land when the Games begin, wins. This has led scientists to believe that they are viewing something called a “Supply Side Universe” or “Trickle Down Reality.” A big hint that Ronald Reagan, himself, may have originally come along from with such This pened during researchers a parallel Jack Forbes. Kemp could universe, and only an believe, Steve have hap- atomic or blast, possibly Republican Convention during Pat Buchannan’s speeches. one the of In Krap City, instead of the bobsled and luge races, there are building races, where large numbers are erected all at once. of houses And instead of gold medals, the winners are simply awarded gold. How bizarre! Real estate agents are the stars of the show, like Alpine ski racers in this universe. But instead of schussing out of the starting gates, real estate agents in this parallel universe rush in for plastic surgery and then drive around in convertibles. University researchers say they aren’t sure what it all means. If real estate agents are the stars, then developers are the kingpins in Krap City — something like hockey players, they go around high-sticking anyone who gets in their way. The 18 goalies are the planning commissioners, who try to stop the puck — in this case large developments — from sailing into the goal. In the Krap City reality, developers are often heard saying non-complimentary things (this is an understatement) about the goalies, that is, planning commissioners. In turn, the planning commissioners ignore their requests. Perhaps this parallel the strangest thing about universe, scientists say, is Reed (that’s D-E-E-R spelled backwards) Valley. This upscale resort is filled with huge houses. But oddly, no one seems to live in them. It’s some- thing like a ghost town. It is here, that the realtors really love to race around in their convertibles. And according to the researchers, they just keep selling the same houses over and over again. Strange, isn’t it? This Just In — Hold the phone folks! New information has just come in. U of U scientists have just adjusted the pickle jar lens. It now appears that they have not been viewing a parallel universe after all but Park City, itself OK, well, in that case then, never mind. @ |