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Show experience of actual fossil fuel recovery. A theme campground (Petrol Playground) will be located adjacent to the pumping fields, and the BLM will provide self-guided tours of the rigs, and slush pits. Hard hats and ear plugs will be available for rent at the campground. Wild and Scenic Rivers. The Plan includes construction of a dam on the Escalante River, complete with a reservoir backed up behind the dam (to be named Lake Louise, in honor of the Garfield County Commissioner who lobbied long and hard on behalf of the Monument). Lake Louise will be used for jet ski events and demonstrations and will allow increased access to many of the Escalante's side canyons. These canyons will be only a few short minutes away via commercial motorized jet-rafts that will transport visitors (who have a few extra minutes on their hands) into the canyons for site-seeing. and trend-setting management ideas. Here's a brief summary of the major issues addressed in the Plan: g Research. The BLM, ever on the cutting edge of research, is teaming up with the Department of Defense in its never-ending Star Wars Initiative Defense System. Look out world. The BLM intends to dramatically increase the amount of livestock grazing in all parts of the Monument in which any shred of vegetation grows. The increase in livestock grazing (and its associated gastrointestinal functions) is to allow for the intensive study of methane gas production and its potentially debilitating effects on enemy alien forces. Due to the hazardous and top secret nature of this research, and the fact that it is being conducted to ensure our national security, the grazing activities will be off limits to the ATV's. public. : Transportation. The BLM intends to develop the Monument to the fullest extent possible The Plan designates the entire Monument open to cross-country ATV use, with the exception of the Conoco oil fields and the methane gas intensive grazing areas. The to allow for accommodation of the maximum number of visitors. To that end, an international spaceport will be built atop the Kaiparowits Plateau. Flights from all over the Conoco sites are off limits to ATV's because Conoco likes to be the only show in town, and dislikes competition from other, noisy activities. The methane gas research areas are excluded so as to not bias the methane gas research results with fossil. fuel emissions world and galaxy will be welcome at the Jim (“it's a wasteland”) Hansen Kaiporowits Spaceport. The spaceport will also serve as the hub for the network of new superhighways that will be constructed across the Monument. (national security and all...). Although Honda and Suzuki are reportedly preparing to appeal these exclusions, the BLM is committed to keeping its research and development areas off limits to ATV'ers. Backcountry. The backcountry (whatever area remains that is more than 100 yards from a road), will be outfitted with emergency phones, toilets and shelters for those visitors that stray too far from their cars and get disoriented. Emergency services and rescue crews will Studies conducted by the BLM indicate that the average visitor to the Monument prefers be positioned within minutes of any site in the Monument for the health and safety of the public. Wildlife. : Wildlife are slated to be trapped and cordoned off (the ones that aren't “accidentally” killed in the process) in a separate fenced area of the Monument. This management technique will be used to prevent any potentially dangerous encounter between wildlife and the visiting public. Wildlife viewing will be allowed from a safe distance from the fenced area, and a petting zoo will be available for children. If any rogue wildlife is sited on the loose within the Monument, visitors are warned to stay in their cars, and to contact Wildlife Services (formerly Animal Damage Control) to “dispatch” the animal immediately. Wilderness. No areas are to be managed as wilderness. BLM's records indicate that the lands in the Monument have been existing as wilderness for eons — therefore, the BLM has decided that it's time the lands were managed for the good of America and its corporate backbone. To that end the Plan calls for “giving the place a facelift” and for intensive recruiting of numerous corporate ventures for the Monument. Qualification. The Monument Plan that SUWA reviewed was hand delivered to us by what looked to be a non-earthling wearing the infamous drab green/brown official BLM to stay within the air conditioned comfort of his car while viewing the Monument. shirt. His name tag was blank, and he was delivering the Plan on his own time (a fact that definitely aroused suspicions), but he swore that it was the official Plan (he also swore that Elvis needs boats). Who's to say? Or as Michael Feldman would say — Whad'ya know? Therefore, the highway system designed by the BLM will allow the typical Monument visitor to see all of the really neat and scenic sites in two hours or less. This time schedule will allow visitors to see the Monument and the Grand Canyon in the same day, without having to make major alterations to their travel itinerary. Along the superhighways, the BLM will seek to attract as many gas stations, fast food businesses, motels, and outlet malls PETES COMPANY as possible, in order to fully accommodate the visiting public. Of course, for the visitor that doesn't actually want to see the sites for himself or doesn't have the requisite two hours, there will be two gigantic IMAX screens (located in Kanab and Escalante) that will feature bigger-than-life movies (30 minutes in length) of the highlights of the Monument as filmed from a speeding car. : An additional benefit will result from the plethora of new roads -- cryptobiotic soils will 471 S. Main St. Desert Plaza be spared the slow, but certain death. The scientific reasoning behind this plan (which is based on some oft-sited Utah BLM position paper) is that the more area inside the Monument that is paved for parking lots and roads, the less cryptobiotic soil that remains to be impacted from hooves, tires, feet, and wind erosion. Oil and Gas. What good public land management plan would be complete without a goodly portion being devoted to natural resource exploitation? The Monument Plan is no exception. The Plan requires Conoco to build lots o' roads, willy-nilly around the Monument, in Conoco's quest to drill for oil throughout the Monument. Not only will this make Conoco a happy camper, but it will benefit Monument visitors. More BLM studies indicate that one of the most popular sites with the visiting public will be the scenic Conoco 259.7735 ‘Sorry fella, but it looks to me like someone ALREADY gave you a trim and a shave.’ oil fields in the Circle Cliffs area. Conoco is furiously working to have dozens of oil rigs pumping and lighting up the skies within the next-couple of years. The BLM will take advantage of this oh-so-natural wonder by directing ae to the area to share in the e e@ e e e Senator Hatch says: BOULDER MOUNTAIN L-0-D:G-E Boulder Mountain Escape to picturesque Boulder Mountain Lodge, located at the junction of scenic Highway 12 and the renowned Burr Trail in Boulder, Utah. 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