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Show m rJtrr Survivor or vacation The object of the new TV show Survivor is simple: Sixteen people on an island must work together for necessities like food, water, and shelter. But they also work against each other, and every few days a of member vote their team the off island because they cant stand them any longer. The longer you stay on the island the more money you win. return home. We dont even' make it to SLC before we have to stop at a Vacation. DAY 1 ofthe experiment. In spite of months of detailed planning and training, we dont leave town on time. I wonder to myself ifthis is why the Space Shuttle is sometimes delayed - because some astronaut forgot their curling iron. They always say it's the weather... but I dont believe them. I mean it looked clear out my window. Our plan is simple. Drive to Salt Lake City (SLC), catch a everyone mistook for This is the place... yahoo!" When the guards ask me Do mean outa the car) and catches the first flight to DC to spend 10 days with her you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession? I assure them that if I did, I would have used them on our five hour trip in the Big Blue Bus up to SLC. The guard with the mirrored glasses starts looking for his latex gloves to continue the search... and I leave in a hurry. Since I had made all the cousin Anita (Sly). We, on the other hand, have already signed away all the necessary Francisco San (SF). we As go through security, everyone walks by the guards without any El-Chea- trouble or even a look... second DAY 2 of the experiment. We wake up early to catch our plane to SF. In spite of a detailed map of the airport, Uncle Anthony manages to drop us off at the wrong terminal. We make the trek with our 50 bags through hundreds of miles of walkways, escalators, elevators, corridors... finally getting to the right terminal only to find that the back of the line we need to be in is back where we started a mile or so back. I could have walked to California quicker. Katie decides that she would just as soon be stranded on an island with cannibals, snakes, other assorted vermin and varmits than being trapped in a car with all of us, singing hymns as we drive scenic curvy roads searching for the great American Vacation. Katie quickly assesses the situation, and decides she has a better chance of surviving best interest. I lamely respond with, Honey, we are in a rental car with California plates, they think we are natives, they probably want us to return hand signals with them... I think its considered patriotic out here. Nikki has to settle for just sticking her traveling arrangements, I tongue out at the guy. DAY 4 of the experiment. I booked our flights with Airlines. There are no stop at a roadside stand and assigned seats. When you get buy two pounds of cherries your boarding pass it discusses and my bowels are working a few rules, something similar just fine now... maybe too to those in the Gladiator good! Fatigue is taking its toll. Everyone is irritable Handbook. Nothing prepared me for the except me... or so it appears rush towards the plane when to me. We all want to vote the lady announced, Now Daniel off the island (out of boarding flight... Some little the car). He cant stand being in the old lady whacked me with her walker as she said, Outa the car any more and cant sit still. way, sonny or 111 kick your..." He hits me in the head with We all managed to get a seat his foot repeatedly as he except Daniel. He had to go in crawls back and forth over the the overhead storage bin with seat. We stay at a motel next to a shopping mall. The kids my carry-o- n bag. DAY 3 of the experiment. My appeared to be more excited bowels no longer work. I about the shopping than suspect there is a medical term driving the scenic curvy road and going to the Oregon for this such as AcuteGastro-GreaseoPlugeAGGP. I Caves. But by heck we are going to suspect it has been brought on by ingesting significant have fun on this vacation if I amounts of greasy fast food have to beat every one of them. Now watch the dang without water. Some jerk makes an obscene road so you wont get car sick! hand gesture at us. Nikki says, Everyone is car sick. We Hey, that guy just waved us only have five Dramamine the one fingered salute! I left. I believe it is in the best promptly reply, Well fly one interest of the remaining back just to let him know that survivors for me to take all of you received and understood them... they concur. Tb be continued his message! My too kihd and waivers and have purchased airline tickets so we catch our plane to to pick up items we forgot and that I have refused to go back and get. Eventually we make it to Uncle Anthonys (Tbrres) to spend the night so we can catch early morning flights. So far so good, no casualties, yet. The object of the Annual Tbrres Vacation is pretty much the same. Can we survive eight days of vacationing with those we have pledged our eternity with? Or will eight days stuck in a car driving curvy roads to tacky tourist traps just feel like an eternity? This is the great adventure, the experiment we embark on, to boldly go where no man (or family) has gone before., and survive... the great American votes herself off the island (I Wal-Ma- rt & finally said, This isn't the place... but itll do." Which hazards. So she promptly flight to San Francisco (SF), rent a car, drive the scenic routes up the coast line to the Redwoods National Park and other assorted sites, and then loving w ife whacks me on the forehead and says, You will not! We are from Utah and we dont do that. I think to myself that she hasnt spent a lot of time driving in SLC lately but decide not to point that out, as the timing may not be to my his 138 childrens suitcases in a handcart and his waves the jungles of Washington, DC with the above mentioned THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, June 7, 2000 - Page 18 except me! A large guard with mirrored glasses insists on checking all of my bags and for my carry-o- n explosives and is about to strip search me when my too kind and loving wife steps up and saves me by assuring him that I am harmless and shows him my scriptures in my bag. Besides, she tells him that strip searching me would not dusts be a pretty sight and probably not in the public interest. I make a note to myself to contact my attorney and sue them for profiling". After all, what do I look like, some militant Iranian terrorist? As I am trekking about the airport with 70 bags of luggage only one of them is mine, I might add -- 1 decide to rent a cart to help carry all of this stuff we thought we needed. This makes me sympathize with Brigham Young. I am sure he was headed to California, too, but got sick and tired of hauling his and po o, - BUSINESSIDIR E GiTO RYEBU S I N ESSIDI R EGiTiO RiYi f V t REDD y 4 - f, Construction i4M tn General Contractor PLUMBING HEATING A1R CONDITIONING ; SPRINKLER SYSTEMS . 4 ; Michael W. Redd OwnerContrector 435-678-29- 61 New Home Construction VEBEttETOBQi GASICONNECTIO ii 435-587-29- Additions L.1...1.N 8 a ala a 8 8 Soapys Gallery LJ's Quilting Bee Custom Hand-Guide- Machine Quilting d by Lora Pehrson Remodeling Monticello. 81 a 1...!...!. .h:.n!n4 11 la lalalililiialflal a Hollingsworth MECHANICAL ' .. 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