| OCR Text |
Show THE ZEPHYRNOVEMBER from time to time) and was next in line at the check out counter, when the lady in me observed my grocery items. She took a personal interest in my ability to make wise financial choices and she had this veiy strong New York accent. "You know you can get floss and Band-Aiat Duane Read's a lot cheaper," she said. "Really?" I answered, but continued to stand in line. She stared at me for several long seconds... "So why are you still standing there?" "Oh, I don't know," I said. "I don't mind, really." "You don't mind paying a dollar eighty-nin- e when you can walk a block and get the flossing front of PAGE 3 1995 -C- 5-0 A DflPD ds thing for sixty-si- x same cents?" "Not really." "Well, excuse me, Mistah Millionaire," she exclaimed. "I'm not a millionaire, ma'am. It's just that my feet hurt and I'm on vacation and I need to get this stuff and go home." I mean "But it's just a block away. Sixty-si- x cents! You're paying a dollar eighty-ninif you're not a millionaire, then I have to think that there's something wrong with your 1 0 e! head." "I it think you're right but for a different reason." My new friend shrugged her shoulders and scowled with stunned disbelief as she collected her change and prepared to leave. "Well, she said, "I hope you have a nice vacation, but I think you'll go broke before you ever leave the dty. Paying that much for floss is ridiculous." She gathered her own groceries and walked out the door, still shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head as she went. And I still don't know who Duane Read is. And that's enough about New York. words. We're getting there. Finally, I'd like to take a few moments to commemorate the 25th anniversary of my motorcycle wreck. On a lovely afternoon in Santa Maria, California, I plowed into an oncoming truck that was turning left in front of me. I shot over the handlebars, shattered the oncoming car's windshield with my headand sailed 85 feet through the air, before making a hard landing on the asphalt. I'd mangled my left foot, but otherwise was OK. A crowd gathered around me as I lay on the pavement. I heard the sirens, the officer pushing his way through the gawkers, and I remember the startled look on his face when he saw me still alive. He shook his head and said, "Kid, you should thank your lucky stars you have that helmet on. You punched a hole in that guy's windshield with your heacL.You 1632 be a DOA." was right. But the reason I had that helmet on had nothing to do with my concern for safety or that I was blessed with good sense. The fact is, a TV show called "Then Came should He Bronson" had aired the previous year and I had become enamored with the idea of riding a motorcycle across the country. 1 wanted to be Bronson. In the show, Bronson wore a rod helmet and so, being the impressionable kid that I was, I bought a red helmet too. In the movie that preceded the scries, Bronson wore only a navy knit cap. Had I only seen the movie, my head would have been turned to mush on October 28. I'm not sure anyone that stupid had the right to keep his head from being turned to mush. But there it is. I'rn alive today because I bought a red helmct...just like Bronson's. But I told someone that story the other day and they replied, "Yeah, but what if you'd never seen the show and never bought a motorcycle and, instead, you slipped in the shower and broke your neck." The Great Imponderables in Life...Somebody turn on the TV. made-for-T- V And with 2138 words on the computer, that's where this babble should have ended. But tonight, on Halloween Eve, less than 12 hours before I go to press, just 30 minutes ago, I apprehended a tourist at the City Market salad bar when the jerk reached into the hardboiled egg bowl and shoved one into his mouth. We're all familiar with City Market grazers and we often see the aftermath, but rarely do we catch the bastards in the act. Well, tonight I did. As he struggled to consume the egg, I yelled across the deli section, "Hey pal, those eggs aren't free, you know." His mouth was full, of course, and he couldn't speak. He did manage to mumble something; he may mumble even without food in his mouth...I never found out. Any way, full of righteous Indignation, I took his illegal act personally. After all, I had just visited the salad bar mysclf...cvcn picked up an egg. But I intended to pay for mine. Why should I pay for an egg, and he can just pop one in his mouth? In fact, I was almost crazed with anger. Even though the towered over me he must have been I chased after him, took him by the elbow and told him I was going to turn him in. This is very bad," he kept saying. "You arc embarrassing me." We marched together to the front of the store and 1 reported him to the check-ou- t clerk in the express lane. My egg-steal- eyes er six-thro- e, were wild. That guy ate an egg from the salad bar and I want him to pay!" I said. But he paid for that damn egg. I have had it with these jerks. From now on, 1 am the City Market Avenger, Anyway, the Shoplifter Sheriff, the Salad Grazer Grenadier, the Egg Thief Equalizcr...I urge all of you to join with me and put a stop to this ugly menace. And I Iappy Thanksgiving everybody. I think I scared her too. RniiTHTn'nimuufff. BBBD FOR THIS NEWSPAPER? 2 OUT OF 3 STEAL IT. DID YOU PAY BUT ITS NOT TOO LATE. You can help the financial stability of the Zephyr and feel better about yourself by... depositing 75 cents in the nearest coin tube, sending us a check for the proper amount, or turning yourself in to the nearest law enforcement authority. THANK YOU. i) ? a 1 Q I k Physical Therapy Resources is Sports Club Corner of 100 S. and Main, Moab Phone (4787) 259-4PT- R A MEDICALLY DESIGNED FITNESS CENTER MEMBERSHIPS INCLUDE FREE FITNESS EVALUATION f ? Jt ? it K ti I Join us at our Open House Nov. 3rd 4 to 7p.m. Judy Kennedy, R t T. Physical Therapist Nancy Nickerson, i R T. Physical TherapistMassage Therapist WE PROMOTE HEALTH & FITNESS I ii a |
