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Show PAGE 18 THE ZEPHYR JUNE 89 DROP THE CACTUS, KID. Law Enforcement in the National Park Service " . part ' 99 1 Jim Stiles ed When I became a seasonal ranger at Arches, I had a fairly I I vision of Just what my responsibilities would be. would walk assumed watch desert "flora observe the and trails, fauna," sunsets, , lonely or lost a assist confused and otherwise tourist, occasionally perform all pe In tasks that Id read about Desert Solitaire. those ranger-tyIn 1976, Arches rangers received, Of course, I was completely wrong. from hid revived over and often 300,000 "visitors." welcomed, (The Park . tourists; so they call them Service does not like to call tourists . "visitors. Why not aliens, I always wondered, but thats another story.) I was charged with maintaining order in the Devils Garden Campground. During most weekends In the Spring, the campground at Arches represented the second densest (no double entendre Intended) concentration of human beings In Grand County; I was the mayor, sheriff, sanitation engineer, family therapist, and token whipping post for all these good people. They'd come down here to "have fun," and they intended to fulfill that pledge, even if it killed them. Sometimes I thought it would kill me. Enforcing park rules and regulations Is not easy when confronting a mass of escapees from Salt Lake City, all of them suffering from a long, polluted winter, and terminal cabin fever. Take the : famous "dumping Sometimes, it got downright nasty. statlonrobust lady In a lavender Jumpsuit" story for Instance: I had been on backcountry patrol (sleeping under a juniper tree) and had As I climbed out of the park jeep, my to returned the campground. just peripheral vision picked up a flash of purple coming at me from campsite 2 well-defin- - A robust lady stared skeptically. are you the ranger? "Young man was She wearing an extremely tight (may God forgive her) lavender jumpsuit, and I swear she had a wart on the very tip of her red bulbous nose. She had ot trailer and was heading straight for me. She had Just emerged from a that look. I considered making a mad dash for the front door, or just pretending to be deaf, or couldnt speak English ("Je ne comprends pas -p38-fo- arley-vous francais?") No, it wouldnt work. I could run, as they say, but I couldnt hide. I brushed the dust off my shirt, tried to stand up straight and braced myself for the Inevitable. She was now squarely (or roundly) In front of me. sighed. "Im the ranger." "Well, young man, would you please tell me where the sanitary dump station Is for disposing of trailer toilet wastes?" Here we go again, I thought. "I'm sorry maam. We dont have one. Her stare grew Icy; her body stiffened. "I don't think you understood my question, young man. Where Is your station? dumping "Im telling the truth. We really dont have one. The lady stared at me with dumbstruck disbelief, as though Id deliberately defied her .... denied her the right to DUMP. She began to "Yes maam, I struggled to get loose, "you cant hose down every ranger you meet, just because the park doesnt have a dumping station. Were already banned at Zion and Bryce; lets just forget H." Again? Banned at Zion? This woman has been running around Utah, spraying rangers and shes still on the loose?. She hasnt been Incarcerated? Or worse? But once again, she escaped unscathed. And fortunately, so had I. I dealt with daily at the campground, as the scenery Itself. It varied were and diverse as although the scenarios was generally a case of Good People Gone Goofy. Campers creating nuisances or for others. But very seldom did we have a serious law of themselves criminals at Arches National enforcement problem. Not too many hard-co- re Park; sometimes obnoxious and Ignorant and often frustrating, of course, but That was good to hear when I first went to work, for not real felon-typ- es. I had little Intention and even less desire to become a gun-toti- ng smokle. a Besides, Im short and skinny and never could or would fit the image of cop. Still, on that first day of my first season, as I loaded a pile of medical and emergency equipment into the pickup, the Chief Ranger, Jerry Epperson, handed me a heavy lumpy object rolled up in a sock. .That was the kind of problem - . "Whats this? I asked. I unrolled the sock and peered Inside; I pulled out a little Smith & Wesson .38 revolver. "Its a gun, Jerry explained. "What do I do with it? "Where do you keep your underwear? he asked. "Excuse me?" I said. "Look, take this thing and put It In your dresser under your socks and underwear you do wear underwear, Stiles? ' "Well, of course I do." "Good. Put the gun under the underwear; every time you see the gun rolled up In the sock, you'll know it's time to do laundry. At the end of the season, bring the revolver back down here." It all made perfectly good sense to me. So I did as Jerry Instructed, and about every 21 days Id see the sock and do my laundry. In October, emptying out the trailer for the winter, I brought the sock back down to Epperson. Once during the summer, we went out to the range and Jerry showed me how to fire the weapon, just In case we were Invaded by the Soviet Union and I had to protect the campground from armed aggressors, l it' was an excellent law enforcement program we had at Arches and one that hardly needed any readjusting or modifying. The next season the Park Service changed all Its rules. From now on, they decided, gny ranger performing gny law enforcement duties at any park was required to undergo a minimum of 200 hours of Intensive law enforcement I was flabbergasted; I was gasterflabbed. training. Say It aint so, I . , pleaded. "Youre going to F.LE.T.CX, Jerry replied. "Fretcee? What Is Fretcee?" I asked. "No ... no. Thats FLETC,". Jerry explained. tremble. "Thats Impossible! There must be a dump here! she cried hysterically. "Please ma'am, dont cry this Is nothing to cry about" "YOU CALL YOURSELF A NATIONAL PARK, AND YOU DONT HAVE A DUMP STATION? she screamed. The woman In the purple jumpsuit tried to calm herself, and then with a sudden look of triumph and Indignation she advised me, "Alright ranger, Ill Just dump It on the ground. She started to run toward the trailer, with me right behind her. "Dont do It! I yelled. "You cant do this!" "Try to stop me!" she snarled. The lady grabbed the end of the four-in- ch diameter accordloned sewage her left had on the lever that hose and pointed It right at me. She placed would release the flow. I was looking right down the barrel of eight days of sewage. In that moment of truth, as her hand trembled on the release handle, as beads of sweat trickled down my face, I thought of faraway places and wished I was there. her husband peered Just as Id about given up hppe of escaping out the door. out of the trailer, saw the showdown scene and bolted "No! No, Honey! Not AGAIN!" He grabbed her from behind and pulled her away from the trigger, just In time. "Listen to me," he said calmly as she n nwnMilfc n tiwmniiiiMWMiitrw wfiiMifii fii fc tiriiifirt in. un-hos- ed, nl ill r V.V.V..V.V..V.V.V. n .. " ' ' . " , "The Federal Law Enforcement Training Center. Its in Brunswick, Georgia. Youll have a great time. I hear south Georgia is beautiful this time of year. late June, I pointed out its "Jerry, "I know, he said, grinning. "I was only kidding, jf s a Hell Hole, but youve got to go and thats that send me a postcard. There was some comfort in the fact that four other seasonal rangers from Arches and Canyonlands were also being conscripted to participate In this boot camp for cops, but not much. We took a jet from Grand Junction and landed seven hours later in Jacksonville, Florida. An old school bus, with NPS the arrowhead emblem our arrivaL The awaited painted green was 96 about temperature degrees and the humidity was about 96. My clothes were dripping wet and stuck to the back of the seat as we made, our way to FLETC, an abandoned navy blimp base. In the twilight gloom, we passed little Georgia towns that looked alien and ugly. I looked at the other feces on the bus as they lit up In the glow of oncoming traffic. They looked as I felt; It was one of the loneliest nights of my life. We were assigned quarters. The next morning, 7AM (they had to be kidding) we reported to our first class. As required, we were dressed In our Class A uniforms which felt just delightful In this mosquito infested, dripping Inferno. We learned right off, that FLETC was a training center for all Federal law enforcement agencies; Border Patrol, Immigration, Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the Secret Service . all of them. These people faced life and death situations every day; real heady problems. Our Instructor at this first session, In an effort to relate better to the kinds of crises wg faced everyday, asked for Input from the class. He scanned the cardboard name cards that were placed In front of us for easv Identification. "Mr. Stiles uh, youre from Arches National Park . Utah? more serious law enforcement problems? your That was a tough one. I gave it a few seconds of "Well, thats not an easy question to answer," I said. "But if I had thought to pick the top two, Id say they are picking flowers illegally and dogs running loose without a . leash." The Instructor stared at me. "No sir, not at alL "Well, what about serious crimes? Robberies, rapes, assaults? "Nope." "None?" "Sir, we havent had a felony arrest In fifty years, I explained. "Why are you here?" he asked. IBSdfi me come here, I told him. "Because Im here, there are loose probably dogs at Arches running amok everywhere." - . "Ty |