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Show THE ZEPHYR/JUNE-JULY 2008 NEW MOAB LOGO CONTEST...WE HAVE A WINNER A few months ago, I whimsically suggested in this column that Moab needed a new slogan for our town. The idea was triggered by a story in the Salt Lake Tribune that listed a number of Utah communities who were promoting slogans they thought captured the spirit of their towns. And a few ideas trickled in over the next couple of months; they were pretty damn good too, but they didn’t inspire me to set them in type, have a reversal done at the Printing Place and cut and paste any of them out for the front page. Then one day about a month ago, I went to my P.O. box and found inside a stack of lovely and colorful picture post cards of the canyon country. They were all sent to me by the same person, and each card had a different new slogan for our beloved town. The cards were sent by former Hollywood movie star and now Moab’s very own Kaki Hunter with special contributing assistance from her true love, noted thespian Doni Kiffmeyer. I instantly declared them the winners, partly because theyre good slogans, partly because Kaki and Doni made such an effort (the postage alone was $1.60 and picture post cards aren’t cheap either these days), and because...hell, it’s SRS 1s[ 8) ae Llidse\e- 8.6/3.7. Ci 5 Y WHATA WEE! I'M HAVIN' Kaki Hunter. After all, I’m a man, damnit. There were two other late entries. David Whidden handed me his scribbled entry on a napkin one morning while I was having coffee. Unfortunately it was during allergy season on a particularly bad day. By the time I realized what I’d done, all the ink had run. But yesterday, | saw Whidden up on the roof of a downtown construction project and he recited it for me again. And finally, there's Marooney. Marooney had a pretty good slogan idea himself. But when I told him the staff and families were ineligible to compete in this contest and that there were precedents for it in law, he almost threw his burrito. In case none of you have noticed, it is Marooney’s goal to be on every page of this paper. Sometimes | think he’s plotting a Zephyr Coup. Enough of this. Here are the winning entries: "Moab, Utah...Looks like Hell, and it’s hot too.” “Moab, Utah...Where Nirvana is a dirty word." "Moab, Utah...No composting Refried Darkness oe . I'm forty-three years old, my body has gone to seed and believe me when I say, "I’m too old for this shit"! You see, when I moved here I hadn’t worked in four years and the combination of societal pressures as well as a considerable amount of pent up energy brought about the purchase of this little Taco Emporium on the other side of the tracks. Which was all well and good with the energy reserves on hand at that time but...the past three years have taken their toll. me give you a little insight into what this past week was like. For starters, we were boiling and picking 80 pounds of chicken and 40 pounds of beef every day. Then you got your 20 gallons of salsa, 2 cases of lettuce, 60 pounds of cheese, 50 pounds of beans, 20 pounds of rice and an endless array of culinary fixins’. Then just to make sure we weren't stricken with that pesky boredom syndrome, I booked a toilets allowed.” "Moab, Utah...Future sandbag house capitol of the world.” "Moab, Utah...Where 99.999% of everything is absolutely nothing.. So why bother?" “Moab, Utah...Where everybody is naked under their clothes," “Moab, Utah...One billion T-shirts sold." and my favorite “Moab, Utah...We’re all DOOMED!" First runner-up, David Whidden’s... “Trams, prams, atid real estate scams... We're still the right place.” group of forty-five for six days of breakfast, lunch and dinner. s6ie There’s something really special about leaving work inigt If you don’t agree with my choice of a winner, I don’t care. When it comes to matters like this, I have absolute power and I wield it absolutely. FHE CANYON COUNTRY } i R UTATE LITTLE WEASEL ADS, INC. PRESENTS IF. TM 2. BOX 937 1 MOAB, UT 64832 LO IT’S AN HONOR TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE AS ONE OF THE CRAZIEST LOONS TO EVER FLIT ACROSS _ THE PAGES OF — THIS ESTEEMED — JOURNAL. eel Nea fae) a ANOTHER SEASON OF Moab i i pL dais i being back at 430 a.m. All of my cooks quit at least once during th f the week, some never actually walked out the door, others walked and came back the next day. Yes, ours is a land of extremes. We get some sprinkles of moderation but for the most part it's always "ONE DAMN THING AFTER ANOTHER"! IN What Price Twisted Tabloids: Menard on MAROONEY... 1 WISH I'D KNOWN YOU. PLEASE NOTE OUR NEW EMAIL ADDRESS: cczephyr@gmail.com 23 |