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Show . THE ZEPHYR/FEBRUARY-MARCH 2004 SAM & EDS’ WILD BY EVAN RIDE CANTOR Seems like everybody that knew Edward Abbey has put pen to paper at least once to etch their memories into stone. My crazy road trip with Ed Abbey, my wild night with Ed Abbey, drinking, smoking, never thinking about tomorrow, with Ed Abbey. Having known Ed personally confers a kind of legitimacy that the author might or might not otherwise possess, a kind of western moral high ground. I'd love to earn some of that cachet myself. It would justify my unleashing any number of pessimistic Luddite diatribes about how the west is going to hell in a handbasket. I'd also like to tell you that I had a homosexual affair with Ed Abbey, but alas, I never knew Ed Abbey. and go curse the paved road into Arches. We drank quite a few, as you can imagine," he continued, eyebrow twitching, eyes all atwinkle downing another slug of stout, "and by closin' time we was three sheets to the wind. ‘Allright,’ declares Ed, ‘let's get on up the road and put the curse to that blasted pavement.’ We turned at the Arches road, set the park gate aside and hauled it up the incline. We pulled off the side of the road right by that giantrock that looks like Paul Bunyan’s penis and aired our own, relieving ourselves quite innocently by the roadside while the truck sputtered on idle. } I did, however, know Eustace Clemens. We called him "Sam", in honor of his Twain-like storytelling frenzies around the campfire. Sam knew Ed Abbey. "Of course I knew old Cactus Juice," he drawled, flickering firelight reflecting ina mad I'D ALSO LOVE TO TELL YOU THAT | HAD A HOMOSEXUAL AFFAIR WITH ED ABBEY, BUT ALAS, | NEVER KNEW ED ABBEY... BUT | DID KNOW EUSTACE CLEMONS gleam from his beer red eyes. "My God, Abbey was an ornery son-of-a-bitch. But we had good times, him and me, mostly out in the desert middle-of-nowhere scratchin' our scrawny asses on the nearest cactus. You know, of course, that he had written some books...... @ I nodded as Sam continued, "though I never read any of them. They even made a movie out of one of those books, some courageous cowboy thing. My name for ol' Cactus Juice was Professor Sagebrush Gonzo. He always struck me as a desert version of that Fear & Loathing Hell's Angels guy. Ed's wild and crazy nights were fueled by beer and seegars, though, not drugs and that there LSD stuff. That's when he'd wink and tell me, 'Sam, beer's a drug, too, and I think I'll have another one!" Eustace raised his bomber of Tooth Sheaf's Stout, examined the label for a curious moment and then tipped his chin, chug-a-lugging the foamy brown liquid down to the dregs. He tossed the empty bottle aside and extracted another from the cooler. He let out the long satisfied sigh of a tired, dusty cowpoke watered by cool clear beer. "I ever tell you about the time Abbey and I high-tailed it to Vegas?” "Never heard that one, Sam," I said, popping the top on one of Eustace's cold Silver Bullets. "Well, I'll tell you,” said he, "Ed came up from Coyote Breath, Arizona, driving one of them beat to hell pickup trucks he loved so much. At the time, I was squatting in an ol' Well, what do you think happens next? It's the wee hours of the mornin’ and outta nowhere, up from the Devils Garden and over the hill from Balanced Rock, comes a park ranger police car with lights a-spinnin’ and flashin' and siren wailing. He pulls up right next to us and announces from his car-seat with full-on squealing bullhorn feedback, ‘Hold it right there, you two, you're not goin’ anywhere.’ Ed and I took one look at each other, zipped up our collective pants and dove into the miner's shack within spittin’ distance of Charlie Steen's great discovery. I could hear that truck. We damn Ford wheezing and groaning miles away. After a few lukewarm beers leaning on the steaming hood of that truck, we decided to have ourselves a good ol' time down in Moab wasn't about to catch him pissin’ in the wind after midnight and he drove that shimmying, shaking truck like a bat outta hell. But still, it was one of God's own beaters. We got lucky. Remembering EDWARD took off like a shot. Ed muttered something about the long arm of John Law | ABBEY What would he think of Moab now? TU en ade) 8 | had in mind. THE COVER OF THE JUNE 1993 ZEPFIYR Wi | NY JL «2 PAGE4 |
