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Show OPINIONS WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2004 Things that suck outranks both Ghandi and BY CRAIG BLAKE Dixie Sun Opinion Editor Mother Teresa. That is pretty delicious. Wow... love pot pies. - If we are going to call it Instacare you shouldnt have to spend an hour in the waiting room. If thats the way its going to be, I think we should call it, Wait an hour in the Instacare s Impatient You only need to push the button once. Its not like the more you push the button the more the light realizes that you are in a hurry. Wow, this lady is pushing the button a whole lot at a ridiculous Cross-Walker- I -- - speed, maybe I should skip directly to a walking sign." Just push the button once, you crazy lady. Boxed Mac and Cheese -That sneaky dinosaur cant fool me, I know that the boxed macaroni cant compare to homemade. And so I implore you, for all that is decent, to please put that box down and make some macaroni and cheese from scratch. Thank you for listening, Im glad we had this talk. One-PlToilet Paper -The man responsible for this must be hunted down and beaten like a dog. The whole point of saving paper is ruined anyway after you have to fold it 37 times just to create a piece of paper visible to the untrained eye. Next time lets just go the extra mile to create an uncomfortable experience and replace the paper with a reusable stone. But when that happens folks, the rainforests will have won. y Christmas Song Remakes - I just dont think I can handle hearEdgy ing Jingle Bell Rock redone by Lil John to the beat of Get Unfortunately, we are moving dangerously close to this product. Math No offense to those of you who have dedicated your lives to math, but Im pretty sure that its a fad. Any time now math is going to go away. And in its place we will begin studying rare chocolates. Yeah... any Low. time now. Finals Weeks - Every day of the past week has convinced me more and more that I am just plain too cool for school. Sorry Dixie, I dont make the rules. Chatty Checkout Lane Clerks - Im all about being friendly, but I just want to buy some soap. Its worse when they are chatting to the woman in front of you in what is apparently the 700 items lane. Are you blind!? She has 700 items! Get checking. Sappy Christmas Songs "Im all alone, and its Christmas, and Im pretty lonely, why doesnt anybody love me? Im so alone, and its Christmas. the season... to pout. Youve got a lot of growing up to do Britney Spears. Tis Whenever I Run Out of Pot Pies - They dont want you to know this, but Banquet Beef Pot Pies, in order of deliciousness, All-Blu- e Christmas Lights so many other - There are TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICE pastor of the Eternal Life Church in Kansas City, Mo. They took him upstairs to his office and threatened to burn the place down unless HEY BEAUTIFUL, LETS GO INSIDE AND TALK A raging bull went on the loose at a farm in Hof, Germany, prompting the local cops to break out the tranquilizer guns. But the farmer's niece brought out a cow on a leash, and the bull calmed right down and followed her back into the barn. OH. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE A woman in Chehalis, Wash., angry that her boyfriend had left her for another woman, spotted his red car driving down the road and rammed it to get even with him. It turned out that she was mistaken. When an angry man she didn't know got out of the damaged vehicle, she exclaimed to the state trooper who arrested her, Oh my God, oh my God! That's not my boyfriend. URUMQI Firemen extinguished a blaze at a coal mine in Urumqi, China, a remarkable feat, considering that the fire started in 1874. The fire burned up about 1.8 million tons of coal every year. AND I SAY YOU'RE STAYING, BLAM! After getting good and drunk at a friend's house in Ind., a man said he was going to drive home to Indianapolis. His host tried to stop him because of his condition, but to no avail, so he got a gun and shot out two of his tires. THIS FIRES SO NICE ... HEY, HOLD ONI After a night of drinking, a man returned to his home in Norway's Lofoten Islands above the Arctic Circle, and decided to fire up the embers in his wood stove to warm his weary bones. He grabbed what he thought was a stack of kindling paper next to the stove, and threw it in. He realized too late that it was actually a stack of money $2,400 that had fallen on the floor, the proceeds from the sale of one of his artworks. POLICE CALLING, YOUR PICTURES ARE READY A man has been stealing surveillance cameras, despite the fact that they were functioning at the time. He climbed up and took one that was installed on the outside of a California vending-machine supply warehouse. The camera took a close-u- p picture of his face, which was about a foot from the lens when he swiped it. Police Sgt. Richard Shipman said, When these WOOF, WOOF, RHimNG, WOOF, WOOF A gas station attendant in Konya, Turkey, misplaced his cell phone, so he dialed the phone's number to help him locate it. His dog's stomach started ringing. A PLEASURE DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU Two intoxicated homeless men attempted to rob the i.tySj q(ZA.UJ QXMRCUB 45 South 1000 East , St. George Pit: 627-233-5 (Across the street from the North Plaza Building) call it stuff, because we all know there isnt any meat in there. But after all, animals are .living things, like puppies, and brocolli. Vacuums - Ooooohhhh... get it! Get it! Vacuums... they suck! Hahahahahah, whew. Hmm... thats enough fun for today, move along now, nothing to see here. NO WONDER ITS ALWAYS SO WARM IN AND HE CONSIDERS IT MONEY WELL SPENT A policeman, patrolling the red light district in Hong Kong, was overcome with temptation and went into one of the brothels to sample the wares. Unfortunately, he was spotted by someone who timed his visit. The officer's pay was docked for the 28 minutes he spent doing the horizontal mambo. Deer Hunting Nintendo Games - Good idea, while you are enjoying that, Im going to participate in an Vegan Lunchmeat - OK, lets just be honest and 1 guys help us do our job, I'm very happy he forked over the money. The pastor offered to write them checks for $150 each, and they agreed, even spelling their names for him. This led to their arrest. delightful colors, why blue? It isnt even a Christmas color. I hope that you come to your senses and decorate with multicolor lights before its too late. equally enjoyable game called, Drilling pointy objects into my forehead. Since when was waiting in silence a good time? 1 Through the looking glass - People Who Hated The Polar Express" - Do you also hate puppies and little cute babies? What about joy? Do you hate joy? Your inner child is so pissed. lob-bycar- e. DIXIE SUN - OPEN TIL MIDNIGHT MON THR U SAT ; Ten Pool Tables Table Tennis Satellite TV' y OHIt sy s s-- 4ir Hockey Tables Video Games Black Light Pool it: Hari: ikfllU X Box Full Snack Bar Private Parties It |