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Show THE DIXIE SUN JOUR October 8, 1938 Gather Ye Rosebuds Kelson in Slander Land Shopping days, Shopping days, only 7(j more days till Christmas YEAH! The holiday is fast approaching and Christmas shopping is indeed a bear! Is your shoplifting technique in order? We know this is a very personal question, but we feel it important enough to devote our first column of the year to this delicate subject. Analytical Approach to Shop! I lifting. Has this ever happened to you? You have your Christmas Shoplifting list intricately (what?) made out, you don saddle bags and sack dress, and make your way to your iendly neighborhood merchant. You are assiduously scrutinizing the underwear section, when you suddenly look up to find Uncle Harvey (who was addicted to root beer) attired in his full shoplifting regalia, tugging on the other end of the same article you were planning to acquire. This is truly a problem. We sincerely hope you can work it out in the near future. Another problem which many persons who make shoplifting a farcer frequently come up against is this: How do you smuggle a hula-hoo- p rail under a sack dress without giving the impression of Ring-lin- e liros. pulling up stakes? As yet there is no solution to this problem, but dont go away nivrv (mad) because this next fabulous offer will astound you. Have you heard about the two engaged nudists who decided to break .lust rip three keys from your it up because they had been seeing too much of each other? new St'unwav baby grand piano, and send with ten yen to: American Honesty is the best policy unless of course youve got something to hide. Society for the Furthering of Correct Addressing of Valentines in Love thy neighbor. She may be lovely. Pakistan, for your completely new set of Shoplifting Tools; plus, ab- Until I heard the doctors tell solutely free, Sister Suzies Snap- The danger of a kiss, py Shoplifting Techniques in plain I used to think of kissing you, v rapper. 11 vou are not satisfied with this The nearest thing to bliss. level v offer .lust Shut Up !!, you And now I know Biology, asked for it, you gotta keep it!!! And sit and sign and moan Signed ,Ioni and Boni. Ten million mad Bacteria And I thought we were alone. Our philosopher has this to say; When the vision that you have of Life is real, Life is earnest! And only twenty cents a copy, too. t he future begins to go din, its not Herman Levin, producer of My Fair Lady, tells of the two ladies ft tv Youre just closing your eyes to it. who sat near the orchestra, an empty seat between them. At the intermission one said to the other, I waited for eight months for my ticket. So did I, said the other. What a shame this empty seat, said the first. Stop In Oh, thats mine too, replied the other! It was my husbands, only he died. For Expert, Economical But couldn't you have brought a friend? No, she said, shaking her head. Theyre all at the funeral. A bird in the hand isnt Watch Repair, and for sanitary! Cheers Dixie Jewel Shop j Perhaps even now they are being thrown into the bin by the usher at the Bijou. Oh, my darling the night is cold . . . Youll need those shoes. Think, my darling, think of the dreams weve had, the hopes that still burn bright, the love that lies so deep, and think my darling, think where in Gods name you left those gunboats! Was it in the taxi, my barefoot contessa? Ah, Ava, your feet are like ice. one, two, three, four five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve each one beaming that incredible shade of nail polish at me. My beautiful barefoot contessa! 40 North Main Rack to school clothes !; i I prefer the lemon type myself Why is that? You can squeeze a lemon, but youll only squash a peach. Say, do you know where the cave men lived? Vena Cava, of course. That was dedicated to all you s. Don Earl is thinking of writing a book. Hes going to call it, Why I Hate Pansy Hardy. Speaking of writing, Mr. B.'s sophomore com- position class has been turning out some crazy stuff. Theyve been describing things using the most simple language they can. Dennis Shakespeare was asked to describe a waste basket. He did it in three words. Its a girdle, he wrote. I think he meant waist basket but he got the meaning right. The last word in the world of Ivy League Literature is this: I dont care what star you may say youre following, get your camels off my lawn. Sorry boys, no lint contests. Dont throw it away, though. Save it. It makes wonderful mattress stuffing. No, Mary Ann, nothing about you this time. I got burned before and the blister is still there. i i i i i Study in style with a Motorola portable model radio. At prices students can afford. Snow Furniture Co. E. B. r- - 7 t c ii li b I c a t; ... THELMA'S i Laden. Gee, Ive got a peach of a girl Oh, my darling . . . the moon is bright . . . we are in tune with the infinite . . . and you cant find your shoes. What was it, my darling? Where did we begin this slow but deadly parting of the ways? Where did you leave them? Students Come in and get acquainted. Jantzen Tcnna Paige Candy Jrs. Campus Casuals Hello, fans, this is Tom Harmless bringing you the latest sports news. Not about football, either. Anyway, welcome to Slander Land. Im the head archeologist around these excavations: always digging up old skeletons. I wont have much this trip. It takes a little time to get my microphones and tape recorders planted in just the right places. An early tape brought back this snatch of conversation between Burke Eldredge and Doug ODE TO A PAIR OF BARE IAMBIC FEET By Dodwood St. Bernard All Your Jewelry Needs. i ! e Lovely larger diamonds . . distinctive stylings . . . attractively low prices on the Keepsake of your choice. McArthur Jewelers s . E t! f( rr t! ti v, w P |