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Show IjjjSaltLake Tribune, Wednesday, April 30, VWA Look Out, Fonda! Here's A Fettuccine JVorkout! I was fettuccine and gjrhr sitting down for a dinner of bread when IT arrived, the Jane Fonda W orkout video I had ordered during a brief very brief one hour; period of fitness. After I ordered it. I started hoping it would never arrive, but now. two months later, here it was invading my living room and my fettuccine dinner My idea of a good Workout is similar to Dom DeLuise's dieting secrets. I start out with a few deep knee bends at the refrigerator door and gradually move on to the tough stuff: lifting a couple of beer cans (empty) over my head and dash when the breaking the man arrives. So being caught in the same room with Jane Fonda was. well, like putting a lock on the pantry door. It was a horrific experience. I was about to hide Jane in the cupboard, next to the Ragu sauce and Double-Stuf- f Oreos, but something on the video jacket caught my attention: her smile. It wasn't a "say cheese for the camera" smile, but a "I net er eat fettu-cine- " smile; a "smile and say celery" smile Below her perfect, tanned face was a perfect, tanned body, gleaming like a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby, stretched out for all fettucciBy Cathy Free ne lovers to see, in a slinky pink leotard the size of a slingshot It was depressing enough to make one reach for the Sara Lee cheesecake. I buttered up another slice of garlic bread and raised a big fork full of noodles to my mouth, but another glance at Jane's thighs made me reconsider. If Jane could look good while sweating, well, then so could I I d be bikini in no time. and wearing a rubber-bangleaming like Spend-a-BucShoot, clapping hands while jumping up and down is a breeze. Who does Jane think she's kidding, anyway? I pushed the pasta aside, laced up my tennis shoes and plugged the tape in. Jane's class all skinnier than the reflections in Lagoon's was warming up, students wrapping their legs around their mirror necks, touching their hands to the floor and generally making workout-vide- o buyers feel like so many lumps of lard Amazon Jane jumped onto the screen sporting a perfectly coiffed do and spandex tiger "body paint" and clapped her hands. three-chees- e iff two-seco- pizza-deliver- y V(f il ( mt HO FreeStyle order to avoid tickets, but highway patrolmen insist that if motorists are speeding, they will eventually get caught. The speed limit is one law that many people have a tendency to disobey. Some motorists buy radar detectors in 55-m- d k V e UHP Claims Edge in Radar Game The speed limit is one law that most people disobey. But still, some can't excuse the fact that corporations are making money on a device that encourages people to break the malfunctioning and he "will just turn the thing off." Trooper Ogden said. People who decide that the detector is worth the money can spend $30 to $300. Troopers who spoke to The Tribune say motorists tell them a number of reasons why they buy detectors. "People tell you they don't intend on speeding," UHP Sgt. Claron Brenchley said, laughing "They tell me it makes them a better driver or it reminds them to stay at 55." Studies have shown, however, that people who do buy the radar detectors tend to drive faster than people who don't. Despite this fact, the detectors are legal in 43 states, including Utah. Continued From WV-- 1 all times, clocking speeds. Officers get around it by keeping the gun off, then quickly pulling the trigger as a car approaches. The radar detector buzzes its warning at the same time the car's speed is read out on the radar gun. "It gives them just enough to let them know they've been hit." the trooper said Trooper Ogden takes advantage of the fact that his patrol car has no emergency lights on the roof, and he plays games on people with detectors. He will follow a motorist with a radar detector and hit the trigger on his gun just enough to make the detector blink After doing this a few times the driver thinks something is law. "People are trying to evade apprehension as a result of the detectors," UHP Col. Dennis Nordfelt sard. r the UHP has never initiated an action to make radar detectors illegal, "but if someone else were to do it, we would probably support it," he added. "Some officers would prefer they be illegal," said Sgt. Brenchley. "but they are there and that's the way it is." When the guns were first introduced, stones about clocking trees at 100 mph were told. This prompted many people into purchasing detectors for protection against faulty ra- dar "All right! Are you ready to work ouf " The class cheered. I looked longingly at my pasta. "All right!" shouted Jane. ("All right!" is the term used most often by fitness freaks the rest of us usually say, "This sucks raw anchovies ") lift, but they Jane had said we would start out with a few "warm-ups,- " felt more like "give ups" to me. "A-on- guns. "The radars work even though people say they don't," Sgt. Brenchley said. "Just like any electronic device, a radar gun can malfunction. The guns are inspected every six months and go through a tuning test each time the trooper goes on duty." In order to ensure that each officer is operating the gun correctly, they must attend a training session. Then every three years officers must be certified again to operate the The basic idea was to stretch over and touch each ankle without bending the knees In the slightest Jane and her svelte partners in crime were folding their bodies in half like fortune cookies. They looked like a bunch of Hindu yogis. . . .come on, you can do it! Only two more to go!" Jane looked up at me and smiled. She was making a fortune torturing innocent linguini lovers and she wasn't even sweating. and it's on to aerobics!" "A-fiv- "A-nin- e, I put Fonda on pause and poured "What? Not even a break? The a on ice. fettuccine had turned cold and the room was drink myself hotter than a Roman bathhouse. I opened the windows, watched joggers run by with their Walkman headgear and decided that I must go on. Even if it killed me, even if I never ran to the pizza delivery man again or tasted another chocolate-creaeclair, I must go on. I had paid $39 95 plus postI might as well get my money's worth. age for this abuse One of Jane's assistants with a waist the size of a doughnut hole took over the aerobics portion and sang the workout theme song, "Do It," while the rest of Jane's class rippled their stomachs, swiveled their hips, and jogged in place, effortlessly. Bull-garian- radar m Sex Outside Marriage Still Legal '5in' in Utah ened with prosecution, said Mr. BarContinued From WV-- 1 nard Now his clients, who are also a Bountiful poJanuary, following unnamed in their suit, are using that lice report of a husband-wiffight case as a legal springboard to overand the husband's insistence, after turn the statute. his wife estranged finding apparently The attorney, whose case does not having sex with another man, that " involve adultery, said he views the be prosecuted. Had he not filed, the man would "go law on fornication as the most ripe directly to yoo guys the press)," said j" prosecutor Martin and, because the Utah Laws adultery law is technically valid, he felt he would "rather explain why we did file than why we didn't." In recogOn Non-Marit- al Sex nition of the potential embarrassment to the defendants, they were Four Utah laws govern consenidentified by initials only. sual sex outside of traditional, moMr. Martin said he filed to test the nogamous marriage. The statutes are as follows: constitutional issues involved and, if the laws are ruled invalid, to allow Fornication: An unmarried person who voluntarily has sexual intestimony of extramarital relationdistercourse with another person has ships into divorce committed the crime of fornicaputes. tion, which is classified a Class B Currently, because adultery and misdemeanor. fornication are crimes, the prospective divorcees can claim the right Adultery: A married person who if asked has sexual intercourse with a peragainst son other than his or her spouse has about their boyfriends of girlfriends. committed adultery, which is a child-abus- e of several incidents Citing Class A misdemeanor. murders, "all women with live-i- n the Sodomy: Sodomy, a Class B misboyfriends." county attorney demeanor, prohibits both anal insaid: "If there's something behind this tercourse and oral sex between uncourt action, it's this situation I married heterosexuals. Married don't want to see the little kids when with Children couples are exempted by law from prothey're injured. the statute. miscuous parents are at risk." Bigamy: A married person who Before the Davis County case, a or cohabto marry "purports to the fornication court challenge its with another person" has comlaws would have been difficult bee felmitted bigamy, a cause those violating the law could in Utah. ony not say they are potentially threat in e cy, it is not for the courts to say that the State is not free so do so," reads the federal court decision upheld by the Supreme Court. "In short, it is an "The basis of this lawsuit islnva-sio- n of privacy," he said. "What people do in their own bedroom is their own business." through reference to subsequent Supreme Court decisions, that the question of private sodomy as a crime had not been resolved. And the same court ruled the Atlanta man had the right to have an intimate gay relationship in the privacy of his home. hard-presse- . Here Are child-custod- for invalidation because no marriage bonds are violated, therefore the state might not be able to claim as much interest in prohibiting fornicad tion. "The state would be to prove there is a victim. The real victim is traditional religious values," Mr. Barnard said. In recent years, that type of state- ment has been gaining more legal validity. However, it is not absolutely true, particularly if the people are both men or both women and what they want to do is have a homosexual relationship. The issue of homosexual intercourse a Class B misdemeanor unis currently der Utah's sodomy law before the nation's highest court. The case which brought it there involves an Atlanta man who was arrested, but later not prosecuted, by police who found him at home having homosexual relations with an adult, consenting partner. He sued to have the state sodomy laws ruled unconstitutional. As recently as 1976, the Supreme Court upheld state sodomy laws as a proper way for society to promote "morality and decency." "If a State determines that punishment for sodomy, even when committed in the home, is appropriate for the promotion of morality and decen y ... third-degre- Special Picture Package Give Mother or Grandmother A Personal Gift That Lasts! iLK'mzm One 8x10 Two- - 5x7 Four - 4x5 Eight - Wallets Only $S7M Kiorder Pr.c; A V9S o $2 95 it 2 FREE GIFT FOLDERS WITH PACKAGE f f Mo e Cuitomer Choice GreaUr Monty Saving Valuti To 4 Poei S infection From Choo Color Natural Up Guaranteed Profetiional Quality FAST SERVICE FREE 5x7 newborn! to be given a free 5x7. Limit infant and . , . will All f - - j 20 University Mall Orem . 224.1161 Cottonwood Mall Salt Lake City 272-244- 1 Off Deluxt 1 Ortm Soil lake per t Ogden Pkg. Newgate Mai Ogden 394-33- 3 Doyi 5 Doyi 22 Valley Fair Mall West Valley 968-169- 3 The chorus of "Do It" doesn't offer much in the way of positive reinforcement: "There is much more to you than meets the eye; there is much it! Do it! Do itUUtll, oh. . C'mon, do more, if you'll only try inquiry addressable only to the State Legislature." But the last court to rule on the . Atlanta man's case maintained, "The activity he hopes to engage in," stated the decision, "is quintes-sentiall- y private and lies at the heart of an intimate association beyond the reach of state regulation." While chances of a legislative attack on Utah's sodomy law are slim, a majority of the Supreme Court justices could effectively do the same thing in the next few weeks or months. Also possible, depending on the outcome of the current fornication and adultery cases, is a lawsuit here challenging the sodomy statutes. "I have people that have expressed concern about it," said Mr. Barnard. "When the legislature was considering the seat belt law they debated that, for hours on end, because they think it's an invasion of privacy," he said. "Then you move from seat belts in public to the privacy of someone's bedroom and the Legislature says, 'Well, we'll dictate that.' " . yeahhhhh'" "If you can sing along with Leslie, then you know you're breathing properly," said Jane, who was breathing properly. "There is pant much gasp more huff j to me puff than meets the dutch hands to throat eye . . Don't do it, crawl to video machine oh yeahhhhh!" Enough was enough. I shut the machine off. exercises and her jungle-prin- t "Saran Jane could take her buttock-tucWrap-cling- " tights and swivel her hips all the way to Tripoli, for all I cared. I had more important things to do. I swiveled my fork around a hefty amount of cold fettuccine and began my own workout plan. that fork! that beer can . . ." Dom DeLuise would be proud. . k "A-on- ft W. Valley Group Honors Bangerter Ken Jarvis, LaMonte Cox, Wayne Special to The Tribune Young, Detective Steve Humphrey, WEST VALLEY CITY - Gov. named and police service Officers Bonnie Nor- man Bangerter was recently as the outstanding West Valley City citizen of the year by the Police Department's Honorary Colonels Corps. Gov. Bangerter received the award at the annual banquet honoring police officers, police personnel and civilians for outstanding work during the past 12 months. Receiving Police Star awards were Officer Rick Boddy and Detective w James Harward and Dale Ann Wright. g awards went to Lt. Terry Keefe, and Officers Fred Matt-felKent Timothy and John Wright. Officer Kirk Allen was named the shooter of the year and Detective Welby Scott received the Officer of the Year award Safe driving awards were issued to Detectives Jesse Castaneda, James Crowley, Steve Coxey, Ron T. Edwards, Sgt. Valeen Illsley and Officer John Klinetop. Life-savin- Crowley. Certificate of Merit awards were presented to officers Craig Petersen, lasses cibfe 25.00 Tues.,May 6 Welcome Boards 6 Weeks 6 Martha Riter Wed.,May7 Sandy James Sat.,May 10 25.00& 4 weeks 10:30 1 Wed.,M3y7 pm-- 2 4 weeks 6:30 Barnyard March 1 Day 10:30 pm pm-12:- pm-8:3- am-5:3- pm 0 pm 0 Ma.iha Riter Sat.,May 17 Wooden Bears 1 Sat.May 24 Wooden Bears 1 Martha Riter Monjune 2 Tole II Day 10:30 am-2:3- 0 Day 10:30 am-2:3- 0 6 Weeks 2 pm pm pm-5p- Norma Baker Beg. Tole Wed.June 1 6 weeks 10 am-12:3- pm 0 Norma Baker Wddjune 4 Norma Bake Advanced Tole 6 weeks Satjune 7 Wooden Duck Carolyn Webb Sat., June 1 1 Country Welcome ,vw., 1 1 .... Day pm-- 4 pm ,0:30am-5p- 10:30 am-- 5 17 Advanced Tole 6 Weeks 12:00 pm-- 3 Supplies 25.00 & supplies 25.00& supplies 12.50 & supplies 12.50& supplies 25.00 & supplies 25.00 & supplies 25.00 8. supplies 25.00 8. supplies 25.00 8. pm supplies .?5.00 & pm supplies Martha Riter Tuesjune & Supplies pm 9 Samples are on Display |
