| Show 2EV The Sift Lake Tribune Wednesday Jinuary 13 1988 When She’s Away the Cats Will Play “Don’t you ever wonder what Thurber and White do when you're away?" my sister Karen asked the other day She was referring to my two cats Thurber a finicky orange tom and White a snobby gray tabby I hesitate to say “my cats” because it is impossible for a human to own a cat A cat can however own a human “I wonder all the time what Azure and Healy do when I’m gone" said Karen “Perhaps you could launch an investigation of some sort We owe it to ourselves to find out to" are really up It doesn’t take long for a cat owner to figure out that the nation's cats are up to no good and probably always will be but my sister does have a point Exactly what do they do when we’re away? 1 spent a few days thinking about it and interviewed some cat people (like 1 said before the word “owner” has little to do with a cat) to come up with a few theories After putting all of the theories together 'I came up the following daily itinerary for the average no make American house cat If there are that any inaccuracies then your cat is to blame She would not consent to an interview 8:42 am — Cat person leaves house for work warning Fluffy not to sample the new houseplant knock over the vase of red roses on the kitchen table or swing from the bedroom curtains 8:43 to 8:55 am — Cat promptly samples new houseplant knocks over vase of red roses on the kitchen table and swings from the bedroom curtains 8:56 am — Cat checks food dish to see if anything better than the dried liver bits that were set out the night before has somehow appeared Nothing has The dried liver bits are still there 8:57 to 9:02 am — Cat opens refrigerator and eats pastrami and swiss sandwich cat person was saving for dinner then washes it down with a half carton of milk 9:03 am — Cat flips on the television set with remote control to watch The Phil Donahue Show 9:07 am — Cat yawns and turns off television set Phil Donahue's guests are two drooling dogs who saved their owner's lives 9:08 to 10:22 am — Cat saunters into bedroom fflS board 11:02 am — Cat gets out electric can opener (his h snack of favorite appliance) and prepares tuna salad minus lettuce mayonnaise and celery 11:10 am — Cat belches then strolls into living room for daily exercises ll:ll am — Daily exercises are overwith 11:12 to 11:49 am — Exhausted cat curls up on morning paper for a nap 11:50 am — Cat awakens yawns stretches then heads to kitchen to prepare lunch: Russian caviar and Alaskan king salmon sprinkled with catnip 12:10 pm Cat sprawls out on floor and flips through back issues of “Cats” magazine to check out the centerfolds 1:10 pm — Ditto 2:10 pm — Ditto 2:11 to 3:15 pm — Cat takes bath and naps in sunlight 3:16 pm Cat awakens and develops sudden (very brief) surge of energy and dashes to bathroom to tear apart cotton ball container and strew toilet paper through the house 3:30 pm — After shrimp snack cat fights way through maze of toilet paper to watch birds in yard from windowsill 3:31 pm — Cat drools 3:44 pm — Birds leave cat becomes bored and jumps from windowsill taking three houseplants with him 3:45 to 4:05 pm — Cat eats houseplants 4:06 to 4:07 pm — Cat sharpens claws on stereo speakers 4:07 to 4:08 pm — Cat sharpens claws on sofa 4:08 to 4:09 pm — Cat sharpens claws on freshly-painte- d pre-lunc- what cats across the country and stretches across cat person’s bed for some shuteye 10:23 to 10:59 am — Cat gets uncomfortable on the bed pulls cat person’s new black wool slacks from chair and sleeps on them instead 11 am — Cat awakens from nap checks food bowl again shakes head in disgust and opens cup- By CLAY R POLLAN- Your Doily Activity Guide pre-dinn- er dresser 4:10 to 4:46 pm — Cat manicures claws and experiments with nail polish 4:47 to 5:05 pm — Cat swings from swag lamp to drapes and back again 5:06 pm — Cat person’s car is heard in driveway 5:07 pm Cat leaps to sofa curls up in place he was at when cat person left closes eyes and feigns Murray Eyes Update On Its AIDS Policy -- ARIES MAS 11 19 V 1 TAURUS ARE t0 HAY 20 ( O 36-5- 4 GEMINI HAY 21 0® JUNt 2- 20 - 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If 838-39- f AQUARIUS JAN 20 no to PISCES HI IV MAR 20 - The Sait Lake Tribune’s comics page tT Special to The Tribune MURRAY — The Murray Board of Education is considering updatAIDS policy ing its The board will meet Wednesday evening at the district office 147 E 5065 South at 7 pm The public is invited The district’s current policy calls for a student to be placed in an alternative program if diagnosed as an Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome carrier However since there is updated information about the disease and the way it can be transmitted the district must bring its policy into line Superintendent Ron Stephens said The revised policy that Murray officials will be considering would allow a student with AIDS to remain in the student population and to attend regular classes AIDS cannot be transmitted by casual contact experts say Last week Granite School District the state’s largest amended its AIDS policy and many others are doing the same The board will also address its policy concerning faculty with the AIDS virus Highway Officials Urge Utahns to Buckle Up forcement is consistently inn- iin normal traffic operations" The letter listed results from the latest Utah seat belt surveys: Salt Lake City October 1987 - 40 per cent usage rate Ogden City September 1987 - 31 percent rr Orem City November 1987Tjj percent usage St George October 1987 - 17 percent usage Preevn statewide October 1987 - 45 percent usage An average shows that 60 to percent of Utahns do not use seat belts And according to an Augwt 1987 survey only 24 percent of Utah children under age five m properly restrained The problea k the “Who cares?" attitude seaf drivers have about seat belts is np resentative of their overall attitate toward driving They are the prte who are most likely to be involved k a car crash and are least likely to be buckled up As a result the steadily increaiif number of seat belt wearers is Mt having as dramatic an effect oa reducing highway deaths as expcrt had originally predicted It is havty an effect however In Utah 299 people died in c ti accidents during 1987 The year before 313 people died The best barometer of highway safety is a cake lation of the number of trade deaths in relation to 100 miOioi vehicle miles traveled For the 13 month period ending last September the rate for the nation was 223 — more than a 4 percent reduritea from the previous 12 month period There is no doubt that restriiek are effective in reducing deaths mi injuries If the right people wen them we could save 20000 lives and 100000 serious injuries eveiy year With the support of Utah’s poCn and sheriff departments enforesi ment of our seat belt law trill go sp significantly during 1988 We an hope an increase in belt use will Gary Whitney Utah Highway Patrol Utahns are faring well with the h speed limit but need to improve highway safety by using their seat belts The Utah Department of Public Safety put the state’s safety record up against that of 22 other By Sgt n states recently surveyed by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration While those states experienced a 50 highway percent increase in h deaths Utah had no increase in the number of people who died and actually experienced a decline in the So far Utah drivers seem to be satisfied with traveling at 65 As long as a majority of drivers voluntarily comply with it we won’t have the problems that other states are experiencing Let’s face it there were not enough police officers to h effectively enforce the old limit No matter how worthwhile the statistics may show a law to be without general public support it’s not a good law Now we have a speed law we can live with and we have a seat belt law that more Utahns need to learn to live with When comparing the state’s seat belt statistics Utahns are on par with the rest of the nation But highway safety officials feel there is a need for improvement and in this area enforcement is critical Last week John T Nielsen commissioner of the Utah Department of Public Safety mailed a letter to all of the state’s Sheriff and Chiefs of Police stressing the importance of public perception that seat belt and child restraint laws are being enforced He noted that other states with laws similar to those in Utah have increased usage rates “if en 55-mp- mfkjfumfemiHr Tlhrmb wml m pwimOomem MpiiHi ' - WaowanAL A jumwi wA'--l L A - - REG $595 SPECIAL Jy fatal 295 EAR AID WITH THIS AO :-i- C— 27 Off I ‘ 4 4 I PROFESSIONAL FLORAL DESIGN SCHOOL Classes Start Jan 21 EUROPEAN CONTEMPORARY AND UNE DESIGN Call tor more Information 486-720- cFfoueits by SS §£g CB'2197 4 |
