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Show jlalt akf r fount Thursday March 10, Page 9 The Salt Lake Tribune Section S Midvale Sandy Draper Cottonwood Heights 1983 mother to United States for isit. Cari found her in Germany after year search. Cari Clyde, 24, right, and her mother, Forest Leonard, have invited Caris birth Both of Cari Clydes Mothers, Adoptive and Natural, Hope for Meeting Some Day ' By Cathy Free Tribune Staff Writer Both of Cari Clydes mothers would like to meet each other some day. Were it not for each other, neither of them would have the opportunity to know Cari. Many people have two mothers, but only know of one. In Ms. Clyde's case, she not only knows both of her mothers, she has a good mother-daughtrelationship with them. But she has only known one of the women for seven months. As an adopted child, Ms. Clyde grew up knowing she had a biological mother somewhere and she wondered what she looked like, but as far as she was concerned, only one Forest Leonwoman was "Mom" ard. As she grew older however, (she is now 24) her curiosity increased, especially when she watched adoptees become reunited with their natural families on the Phil Donohue Show. So she decided to join the Adoptees Liberty Movement Association (ALMAT and began the .hard task of tracking down her natural mother with the cooperation and support of her entire family, including her mother, Mrs. Leonard. It Was Fustrating It was frustrating looking for her, said Ms. Clyde. Since court adoption records are not open, it makes it very difficult. I didnt see what right a person had to say I couldn't find my mother." After 13 months. Ms. Clyde found her birth mother, Margot Forster, in Germany, and with the help of a friend who speaks German, spoke to her on the telephone for the first time seven months ago. That phone k call led to a visit to Germany for Ms. Clyde and established a friendship that continues to grow. She told me that she had always prayed I would find her," said Ms. Clyde, and we wrote letters back and forth for several months before I visited her. The letters were written in German so they had to be interpreted by my friend. The entire time I was in Germany, all my we were so mother did was cry happy to see one another." five-wee- Downright Confusing It seems unusual to hear one person refer to two people as mother in fact it is downright confusing, but to Ms. Clyde there is nothing unusual about it. I am fortunate to have two mothers who love me, she said, mischievously adding -- that she makes out like a bandit at Chnstmaa, . I wasnt the least bit disappointed when I met my other mother in Germany," she said. She is a beautishe ful, understanding woman told me why she gave me up and about my family history. I admire her, she added. She gave me the chance to be somebody and grow up in a country that is free. My adoptive mother who raised me is also a wonderful person. I realized how much I missed my family here, when I visited my family over there. I got nervous a few times and called home, but I think it was just because I was in a different country. She said while in Germany, everyone was curious to see what the Forsters new daughter looked like and people continually pointed out features she and her mother share. "I couldnt understand what people were saying, but whenever anybody pointed to my chin, I knew they were saying Gee, its just like yours, Margot,' she said. "Whenever I went anywhere with my mother I had to carry a German translation book. Language wasn't a real barrier, however. We just enjoyed being together." Ms. Clydes biological father died before she was bom, but she is currently trying to trace his family roots. Its not easy," she said. All I have is his first name. I want to know what kind of person he was and what he looked like. I think I was the only child he had." Ms. Clyde's adoptive mother shares her daughters happiness in " finding her biological mother, and in fact, has invited the family to visit Salt Lake City. "I hope they come over," said Mrs. Leonard. "We have a lot to talk about. I love that woman she gave me a life to take care of." Right to Know' Many adoptive parents might feel threatened if their child tried to find his or her biological parents, but this is not the case with the Leonard A family. 1 can certainly understand any. The two correspond regularly and hope to visit together again, soon. tter. If my daughter wants V) kiow Clyde can agree with that. She Cari Clyde has saved several mementos of her trip to see her birth mother in Germ- a parent being concerned about a child having contact with her natural parents at a young age. but alter 20 years have gone by, I think the child has a right to know who her natural parents are, and perhaps, even meet them if everyone agrees," said Mrs. Leonard. I do not feel threatened. I am Cari's mother and she is my daughter. Nothing will change that. Adoption is nothing to be ashamed of," she added. Adopted children are selected, not expected. It takes a strong woman to give up a child for adoption." Ms. i who gave her daughter up for adoption after struggling for two years on her own, trying to provide her with a good life. I am, thev will tell her." said I waMWCW fOme Ms. CTyde."Bu't o me first. Ms. Clyde has since remarried, out cannot have any children. "When my husband and I decide we want children, we ll adopt," she said. Her Best Interests' Love doesn't fill your stomach." she said. It was very hard to give her up. but I couldn't find a job and welfare wasn't enough. I did what I I was looking thought was right out for her best interests." One of Ms. Clyde's distant relatives in California adopted the child, and an understanding exists that they are the child's mother and fa Adoption Identity Laws an Emotional and Controversial Issue By Doug Clark Tribune Staff Writer The man was frustrated. Put up for adoption more than two decades ago, he was sitting patiently in the adoption agency office, hoping for ary clue in his search for his birth parents. He had no idea the woman who bore him was sitting in the same room, not more than 10 feet away. She too was searching for some clue to his whereabouts. found one another, said Carolyn of Adoption IdenJones, an Utah, adoptee, birth mother tity search and support group, so called because it helps its members search for lost family, and lends peer support during the often traumatic experience. According to policies of Utah's adoption agencies, the social worker couldnt unite therm the laws are simply too strict. The Utah Legislature is studying a bill. HB96, that would change those laws. Some say for the better, some say for worse. "This country has a strict, archaic adoption system. Only adoptees are bound by a contract they didnt sign, only adoptees are issued phony birth certificates. When you deal with any part of the adoption system, you deal with a monster," said Ms. Jones. "The proposed bill is a step backward." 'An Obsession An adoptee herself, Ms. Jones' search for her birth parents was an obsession." "There is a psychological need for most adopted children to try to find out who their birth parents are," The adoption agency social worker knew who they were, and why they were there. And though she wanted to introduce mother and child, she couldn't. Confusing and re- strictive agency policies and state law prevented her. Instead, she referred the pair to Adoption Identity Utah, a search and support group for adoptees looking for their birth parents," the man and woman who conceived them, and for those parents who are looking for the children they gave up for adoption. non-prof- it But the two were not united that day. and nobody knows if they ever said Ms. Jones. "Some say adoptees who don't want to know are supress-inthe desire. "I can only speak for myself. For me. it was an obsession. I had to know my mother was OK." she said. She has since become like sisters" with her birth mother. I have never regretted contacting my birth mother," Ms. Jones said. I feel better about myself, and my birth mother helped me understand my adopted mother. "And it helped my adopted parents understand me. They realized a piece of me was gone. Not All Successful But not every effort at finding birth mothers and adoptee children works out as well. There are, of course, those people who do not want to find their birth parents. g And there are those parents who gave up their children and do not want to be found. Are adoption laws too strict for these people? That is a matter of opinion. The issue of whether adoption agency records should be unsealed has be come a highly emotional, very political matter, with forces splitting into sides and sides splintering into factions. On one side are birth mothers and adoptee children searching for that missing piece," and fighting for unsealed records to make that search easier. Adoptee Parents the other side is the adoptee parents, probably the most politically active group. This side is working to make records even more difficult to urtseal. Their fight stems from the fear that birth parents will walk into their child's life and say, Thank you for raising my child, but he's mine again, and we ll be going." said one authority. The force on agree needs attention Adoption laws desperately need revision. 'Privacy Rights' The current Utah law is unclear, say both sides. According to Elizabeth A. Berntsen, Utah assistant attorney general, the only restriction on an adoption agency is "consideration of the privacy rights of the natural parents. Because of the adult adoptees "important interest" in the information, she said, adoption agencies should contact birth parents when an adult adoptee requests information. But the opinion is not official, and Ms. Jones said the agencies are staying on the safe side and refusing adoptees any help the desire to meet, and both have their name on the list, they will be matched up. Lake Rep. Kirk Rechtor, City, who sponsored this mutual consent" bill in the House, said both sides must have the desire to meet" before either side should have the information necessary to find the other. The bill, if passed, would make any other way of getting or giving information from an adoption agency a punishable crime. Ms. Jones called the bill a useless piece of paper and a waste of taxpayer's money." She said the proposed register is so restrictive that "nobody will ever use it," especially since a much more liberal register is available on an international basis. In all, there are approximately 75 registers. "What we need is open The Utah State Legislature is payThese divisions are much too simplistic. of course. There are adoptee parents who back search and support groups and birth mothers who support adoptee parent's groups. And to make the matter even more confusing, each side is further splintered into political lefts, rights and centers. But there is one issue all sides ing in attention. some the last days of session, the Senate was considering a House-passebill which would make several changes regarding the issue. d records," said Statewide Register First, a statewide register will be established. Adoptees and birth parents will be able to put ther names on the register. If both parties have THatVel ' - CV ' " ('hmlit'i (I t Ihoiuni 0 &$ r ph '' ; SANDY WE PRINT MOST EVERYTHING! CAPS STATIONERY BUSINESS CAROS BUMPER STICKERS POSTERS DECALS FLYERS SCRATCH PADS MAGNETIC SIGNS ORDER FORMS 9460 LOGO DESIGN ANNOUNCEMENTS WEARING APPAREL JACKETS PAMPHLETS V .1 j ' So. Union Sq. I" ; fr? 572-439- 9 r'i - I 1. . i 4 COUPON 1095! Jf jj FAMILY PORTRAIT INCLUDES: I Jones. But there are those who consider the legislation too liberal. Any effort to join my baby with his birth See Page Ckf . $ OQ0B011 Ms. 4 Wallets Expires 3 15-8- 3 fcsatil , REG. $60 j j |