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Show 4 1 W8 j f SIjC' jialt Hlioli fs fokf Sunday, April lSI&6&Sis&Sl 2, 1978 Page ne rher For jears, Marva Villegas would simply answer no when anyone asked if she had children, because that was easier than enduring the expressions of surprise, horror or pity that came when she offered the truth But now she wants to tell her story Seventeen years ago she put her three children up for ages 5, 4 and 2 adoption She has not seen them since Todav at aee 41 she is a spirited, confident woman who works for Tnan gle Steel and Supply in Long Beach as a salesperson aftger earlier stints there as bookeeper and product manager She is telling her story, she says, because she wants people to understand why a woman would relinquish her children, and what she goes through She is also trying to help the Los Angeles County Department of Adoptions new services for women who have put their children up for adoption Mrs Villegas recently sent a n te to the department, updating her re 'ords and indicating that they could open her file to anyone making inquiry If her children were trying to find her, she wanted to make their job easy Ask for Information Last year 247 parents like Mrs Villegas recontacted the department s said they were willing to be reached by their children and just asked for information All but 9 percent were the mothers Because of her note, Department of Adoptions social worker Joan Podrow called Mrs Villegas last December Mrs Podrow was able to provide specific information about where Mrs Villegas children had been placed, something not available to birth parents in 1960 The adoptive father 17 lawyer, the years ago was a mother was a college graduate and :x Two-third- one-thir- d sAsssafflar ($ v m&wfflSm Los Angeles Times Photo children put up for adoption 17 years ago. Now she faces truth. 0B 9MEB - HIE LAB GOIE vni Soon after, she left her husband Thats when things re permanently ally started getting rough I was living on a $157 Navy allotment check and just was not settled My mother and stepdad lived in Mexico, my own dad said should put the kids up for adoption I was taking un ironing and baby silting to live home 1 Then her husband left the Navy on a medical discharge, so her military allotment checks stopped 16 bedrooms. ROLLS DAN PENTEIUTE woi se The children were 4 3 and 1V2 then 4 year-olstarted wetting the bod again, and 1 knew it was from lark of security I had no money to feed them anything hut macaroni, beans or pan-- c akos In th back of my mind I started thinking about a temporary foster The d niig Talks In June she finally went to the county Adoption Bureau, where she began a series of long talks with a social L 10 woiker named Marjorie Edwards She was a suiver person She gave me money that first day to buy groceries That endeared her to me I s.Jl just wanted a temporary foster home, hut as we talked, I started to decide that adoption was better than switching the kids from home to home One day she returned to her apartment and told the children that she was going to get them new parents The two youngest didn t know what I was talking about The oldest, who was 4, was very willing to get a new father, but not a new mother He said he wanted me to come, too " Something Stable 1 would talk to Allan until he cried or 1 cried or we both cried," she says 1 couldn't give them anything They needed something more stable But they couldn t understand that I felt terrible, but I had to do it They had no chance with me " On July 5, 1960, she woke the children up and helped them pac k their belongings I remember little about it I just remember that I wanted to make sure they had their books and things they were familiar with It seems odd now, but I kept thinking about their books i 003u(EG3 9201 UOl ) AX1 Vi 9 PX.l YOUR CHOICE" Large group to go at big savings. This is too good to pass up. Decor colors. 22 95 Raspberry Plush ideal for Mrs illegas says her fither continued to argu. that the children should he put up for adoption I wasn t ready to tace that idea hut things just got "EXTRA RIG BARGAINS" "1 ROLL PLUSH PILE" No Regrets children, she explains I always pisi w anted kids " But her marriage to the sailor soon foundered They separated for the first time when Mrs tilegax was pregnant with Bobby, there followed several attempted reconciliations During one of them, she became pregnant for a third time In 1968, at the age of 21, she had her third child, Ray mond Navy Allotment ! 00GD(ESi L I was 22, broke, wath an 11th grade education, no job and three kids I w'ent to the Welfare Department I dont know the mans name I spoke with there, but I still remember his face today I hated him He told me I couldn't get aid until 1 had been without support for 90 days He was so nasty I never went back " Marries Sailor She finally found a job in a beer bar, Marva Villegas grew up in suburban uorking 6pm to 2 a m Every night Compton and married a sailor m 1954, she would leave her children with a when she was 17 "I was in the 11th girlfriend grade and the high school asked me to Such a Disaster leave, because a married woman was considered a bad influence on the other Sometimes the kids were fed, some students 1 didnt argue times they weren t Id fuid them m bed Her first child, Allan, was born the with their clothes on, or all wet When next year, the second, Bobby, came one they got up, Id be sleeping, so I never year later saw them We moved every other month because I couldn't pay the rent I always had figured that the next It was such a disaster, I couldn't thing after getting married was to have believe it GO LG SSilTffS LLO 033031603 pianist described as being feminine and a homemaker Mrs Podrow also inviled Mr Vil legas to join a now county sponsored counseling group being formed for bnth mothers who had given up their children for adoption They are in addition to individual counseling the department also provides without charge Feelings of Guilt We found it was a good idea for these mothers to talk with each other about their experiences, explains Mrs Podrow They mostly just express feelings of guilt Even though they knew it was the only way to go, they sense they did something wrong Sou ety pressures them to be a mother They forget the very real reasons why they did it in the first place Mrs Villegas agrees this is whv she is telling her story' Society forgets that the birth mother is hurting " she says ' People look at her and say, How could she do it Its so horrible, so unnatural For years and years, this bothered me I would tell people I didnt have kids But now if I m judged, if people dont understand that s their pioblem D D mrmca'G 5" - filmnc ' Mother Gives Up Children n.. By Barry Siegel Los Angeles Times M Marva Villegas, 41, and mother ' of three, used to lie about her J'- &U& This group save up to 13-2 and more V BEST BUY EVER. Quality Carpet "HEAVY SHAG PILE" 95 2 Roll in light wit PHIL BUUEN gold, and soft beige. i sq yd. "CANDY STRIPE" 3 rolls to choose from in good colors "2 ANDY COOLEY 83 Years EXPERIENCE TO SERVE YOU 03 ROLLS SPECIAL" roll embossed blue 1 roll green 1 BETTER THMuiwwifli I min VALUES TO 1 2.95 sq. yd. "SPECIAL GROUP Values to 17.95 sq. yd. Priced to clear, heavy plush. Colors galore. M |
