OCR Text |
Show OPINION ;+ • $< @,.!lilfl ;~ :k ~ "' • 1HE UNIVERSITY JOURNAL• SOUTHERN UTAH UNIVERSITY• WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1996 . ~; LETTERS OAAY.eDB, THIS TIM~ 1..<:x:>K ~1S~.. 40 reasons to distrust Bob Dole • 1) They tend to have a WWII mentality for a world approaching the 21st century. 2) They ignore the fact that one US submarine could destroy any nation before the Reagan presidency . 3) Their defen se policies increased the national debt £rom $1 to 4 trillion in the '80s. 4) They still tend to support a $ quarter trillion for defense after the Cold War ended. 5) They m ade the US the largest debtor nation in world history. 6 ) They t end to ign ore population growth as a cause of foreign and domestic problems. 7) Their tax policies consistently favor multi-millionaires. 8) They tend to · oppose increasing minimum wage. 9) Their ectmornic policies contribute to crime, despair, and age-based tensions. 10) They supported an inexperienced $quarter billion playboy named Quayle for V.P. 11. ) They tended to oppose passage of the Equal Rights Amendment. 12) They tend to oppose assistance and upgrading standards for day care facilities. 13) Their economic policies have contributed to inflation and recession. 14) They tended to support a n alcoholic named Tower for Defense Secretary in the 1980s. 15) They t end to support racists like Buchanan or wacky billionaires like Forbes. 16} They viewed Clarence Thomas as the best Supreme Court nominee. 17) Their policies contributed to significantly more child abuse in the 1980s. 18) They tend to be soft on cancer-linked cigarette companies. 19) They tend to oppose moderate family-leave legislation. 20) They tend to oppose improvements in education and environmental prqgrams. 21} They have tried to slash the budget if the National Park Service in recent years. 22) They tend to ignore massive global deforestation which is occurring. 23} They tend to ignore or dismiss evide nce indicating global warming is occurring. 24) They tend. t o oppose legislation promoting clean air and water. 25} They tend to ignore the hundreds of extinctions occurring annually. 26) Th ey tend t o increase insurance taxes and oil shortages by supporting a 65 MPH speed limit. 27} They. supported the destructive policies of James Watt and John Sununu. 28) They tend to ignore signs of U.S. and global food shortages. 29) They tend to fav o r people owning lethal automatic w eapons. 30) They opposed many improvements of the FDR and JFK administrations. 31) They tend to support larger pay increases for members of Congress. 32) They generally ignore the over 20 percent of U.S. children living below the poverty level. 33} They fail to realize 40 million Americans live below the poverty level. 34) They fail to realize 40 million Americans have no medical insurance. 35} They opposed legislation for a modest national healthcare system. 36) Their deregulation policies contributed to the Savings and Loan crisis. 37) They approved of White House decisions based on astrology in the 1980s. 38) Their beliefs contributed to over 1 million Hiroshima sized bombs on Earth. 39) They were the party which supported an invincible "Star Wars" defense system. 40) They tend to violate the spirit of their oath of office to preserve, protect, and defend the great majority of Americans. Kelly Williams EDITOR'S NOTE: DUE TO THE 'HARVEST DAY' HOLIDAY OCT . 21, THE JOURNAL WILL NOT BE PRINTED OCT. 18 &.. 21 BUT WILL RETURN ON OCT. 23 ,., UNIVE11S1TY TQURNAL J;OUTHERN UTAH UNIVERSlTY PROFESSIONAL STAFF AND DESK PHONE NUMBERS, Editor Larry Baker 586-775 1 C-ampu, Ed.iror Con,ulting Sporu Edicors Jlm Robinson S86-1997 Neil Gardner 586-7753 Breu Jew kes 586-7751 luck StuP"k 865,8045 STIJDENT STAFF AND DESK PHONE NUMBERS, An ociace Edhors Leah lumnann 865·8226 • M;chcllc Ckgg 586-7750 Foe-us Edhor JoAnn Lundgreen 586- l m Opinion Dirt(tor Llquetta Urpcmcr 586-7757 A.P Wirt Editor Sc.n Winslow 865-8'225 Photo Edicor John C u crtler 586-7757 Copy £di1or Beck.I Le.,« 586· 77!i0 Sporu Editor C hAd umb 586-5488 Arts Edicort He..tthcr Ch ilt on a Ann Marie T.aylor 586-5488 Adverti1ing ~mgtr Keh I-tum S86-n58 Ad Production Facilitator Shelby Pncc 586-7757 Almanac Edhor Jenn £. Larsen 586-7759 The Unrvt.tslty /oumal it pub lished e very Monday, WcdneS<by and Friday of the academ ic year aJ a pub11c.:ation o r Southern Utah Un iversity, it.s department of commum ca uon and the SUU Student Auociauon. The views and opinions upru,cd m t.hc Journal arc th~ or mdiv,dual wntc.n and do not nc.ccuarily reflect t.hc. opm1on of t he /aumal or any entity o f the uruvcrs,ry. Letters to the editor mu,t be 1ypcd and Include the name and phone number. Only the name will be pnnted. Name.s will not be wi thheld under a.ny circum.su nces .and the cdnor reserve, editing privileges Letter, must be submiued by noon Fn days for Monday t<i,tions, Tuesdays for Wtdncscby editions and ThuBdays for Friday editions. Grinan<'H: Any indi vidual with a gri evance agam st t he Journal shoul d d ire-ct such problem lust to th e editor. U unrc,olved. thal gnevanc.c should lhcn be ducctcd to the foumal St.ct.ring Committee, which 1.s ch.aired by Or . Fniin C. PcaBOn, 586-7971. The secre tary is Lois Bulloch, 586,7710. Uninn11y /oumol:Olfi= in SWT,dv,ology Building 003. Mail a< SW Box 9384, Cedar O ry, Uwi 84Tl0. FAX (8011586-5487. E,nwl - 0 I (oumakl,uu.odu PRINTED ON RECYCLED PAPER. PLEAS£ RECYCLE THIS COPY. - - DAVE BARRY COMMENTARY -~~-,..,,- - -- - Tennis not for the poor or the squeamish So I went to the U.S. Open tennis tournament, which is a big tennis event in New York City: This is definitely the place to be if you want to see the finest tennis players in the world throw up. But I warn you: You might be intimidated by the crowd . I was. I'm more used t o football crowds, the type of crowd where you can paint your body and dance on the seats and blow on a giant plastic horn and wear an animal-shaped hat the size of a fire hydrant and scream insults at the officials so loud that traces of your saliva wind up in the hair of people sitting 38 rows in front of you, and you will not even be noticed. Tennis is not like this. The U.S. Open crowd is made up mainly of your wealthy, upper-crust, wine-snot type of individual, the type of individual who is genuinely concerned about the rising cost of helicopter maintenance, the type of individual who does not personally do The Wave because he or she has a staff for that purpose. Tennis has tried to soften its elitist image via such public-outreach programs as having the top players go into the inner cities and donate their used polo ponies to the poor. But the sport still attracts mainly your conservative, reserved fan. The entire U .S. Open crowd makes less noise cheering than a single Jets fan makes burping. I'll tell you one reason why tennis doesn't appeal to the masses: The rules were invented by insane people (specifica lly, the French) . If you look at a normal sport such as baseball, you see that the rules are very logical: three strikes is an out, unless the third one is a foul tip (but NOT if the catcher catches it), or if the catcher drops the third s trike, in which case th e batt e r may advance, provided that there are numers on first or first and second and fewer than two outs . But my point is that baseball makes sense; whereas tennis has a virtually random scoring system. When players win a " point," most of the time they actually get 15 points, except sometimes, for no apparent reason, they get 10 points, and sometimes (this is during the " tiebreaker"} they get one point, and sometimes they get NO points, which means they are at "deuce," which has something to do with " ad." I think a big reason why tennis crowds are so quiet is that everybody's si tting there thinking: " What the HELL is the score?" This is not to say that tennis isn't exciting. I saw a moment at the U .S. Open - the tennis world is still talking about this moment - when Pete Sampras, with the score tied (also known as " deuce" ) (or possibly " ad" ) in the fifth " set" (or possibly " game" ) of an extremely tense " match" (or " furlong" ), reached deep within himself and ralphed (or, in tennis lingo, " lobbed his lunch") right on the court. And then he won ! The crowd was so excited that at the end of the match, one fan- I swear I am not maki11g this up- ran down to courtside and got the actual towel that had been used to clean up after Sampras. The fa n then left the stad ium, proudly waving this fabulous trophy over his head . Imagine: A towel containing Sampras' actual puke! Eve rybody at the country club is going to be SO jealous! Let me stress that, despite the Sampras episode, tennis is good for you. I know this because while I was at the U.S. Open, Donna Shalala, the U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services, materialized for no apparent reason and held a press conference at which she revealed the startling information that, according to a study commissioned by her and performed by the Surgeon GeneralEXERC ISE IS GOOD FOR YOU. I am dead serious. They gave out a press kit and everything. It wasn't made clear why Secretary Shalala chose to announce this at a tennis tournament, where the participants and most of the spectators already engage in a physical activity (tennis). Wouldn't it have been more logica l for her t o make her announcement at some locale where people mostly just sit around doing nothing, such as a bar or a golf course? Do you suppose she really just wanted to watch the U.S . Open? Are other Cabinet members going to pull the same scam? But never mind that. The point is that , according to a study paid for by your personal tax dollars, exercise is good for you. Doesn't that make you want to get up and DO something? It definitely makes me want to do something. Somebody get me a towel. Dave Barry is a,nationally syndicated columnist. |