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Show CLASSIFIED fournal Classifieds must be submitted to our offices on the basement level of the Technology Building or to the secretary in the Student Activities Offi ce. The cost is SI for members of the campus community, S2. for off-eampus individuals. All ads must be paid for in advance. Deadline Is noon Friday for Monday issue, noon Tuesday for Wednesday issue; noon Thursday for Friday Issue. Those who submit ads are reminded that no ad may be placed on behalf of another individual without that inwvidual's consent. If the University fournal discovers such an attempt, both the advertisement and the payment will be forfeited. The University foumal prohibits discrimination in race, color, creed, age, religion, sex or handicap. HELP WANTED CRUISE SHlP JOBS! Attention: Students. Earn $2000 + monthly. Sum m er/fulltime. World travel. Carribean, Hawaii. Tour Guides, Gift Shop Sales, Dec k Hand s, Casino Workers. No experience. CALL: 16021 453-4651 Mother's Helper Wanted. Cooking, Cleaning, Childcare for a large fa.nilly. $4.40 per hour. Early mornings and evenings. For interview call Debbie 586-4993. $$$ If you want more money while becoming healthier, know that the most advanced nutritional technology available in the world is now here for you to benefit from physically and financially. For extra money, energy, weight loss or athletic performance increase, call Debbie 586-4993 $$$. FUNDRAISING FAST FUNDRAISER - Raise $500 in 5 days - Greeks, groups, clubs, motivated individuals. Fast, simple, easy! No financial obligation. 18001775-3851 Ext. 33 FOR SALE Kenmore small stackable washer/dryer, good condition, great for apts. $250. Call Chris 586-4404, l p.m.-5:30 p.m .. Kereoke and C logging Lessons, only $19.95 + tax. Just Call 555-QZZQ. PERSONALS MONKEY SNATCHERS! We want George back alive! Theft is against the law, esp. when you steal the pledge class' mascot. If we don't get George back, you will pay the price! From: EX Pledges Dear XOXO: I bet I'm the only man on campus that meets your strict requirements, so do you want to get together! First, you must meet my standards ... a re you beautiful, intelligent, fun and taller than 5'5"1 Please respond! -Prince Charming Patsy Cline Fans Everywhere! It's time to come out of the closet! Patsy Cline Fans Anonymous Meeting tomorrow night 7 p.m. at Amys!! You know who you are, so BE THERE! Beth: It 's time for another visit to Baskin Robbin's! How 'bout over the long weekend. I can hear the waffle cones & chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream calling our names! Love, A+ To D.H . and J.S. : Men are scum and rumors suck! I love ya 4-ever! Love, Becki !STEVE HARVEY t THE BOTIOM TEN I _I - Akron and Denver are the first worst THE COLLEGES The season has passed the halfway point too late for UCLA's Terry Donahue or any other coach to redshift his entire team. It's also that melancholy time of the year when winless records begin to disappear. The latest team to suffer such a blemish was Houston (1-5), a 39-33 winner lit hurts to say that word) over the Smus (l -6). Bottom Ten selectors met in an emergency session and activated Akron (0-6) to No. l. The Zips, who were shut out by someone named Central Michigan, 0-47, are coached by Jerry Faust. You may recall that Faust formerly coached Notre Dame, where he won zero national championships (one fewer than the legendary Lou Holtz). But back to Donahue's Bruins. They m oved up to No. 7 by unaccountably losing at home to the meager Beavers of Oregon State. Fortunately, UCLA came away with a sp lit with the Oregon schools. The Bruins' women's volleyball team defeated Oregon over the weekend. SCHOOL, RECORD LAST LOSS NEXT LOSS 1. Akron--0-6 0-47, Central Mich. Holy Toledo 2. Stanford- 1-4-1 20-27, USC Oregon St. 3. Iowa State--0-6 23-41 , Kansas Oklahoma St. 4. The SMUs-1-6 33-39, Houston Texas 5. Georgia Tech.- 1-5 7-24, Virginia Maryland 20-34, Washington Nevada 6. San Jose St.- 1-5 7. UCLA-2-5 14-23 Oregon St. Arizona 8. Electoral College idle 1996 9. Michigan St.- 2-4 7-23 Ohio St. Iowa 6-15, Memphis Pacific 10. Arkansas St. -1-6 11. Wake Forest G ump- 2-5; 12. Kentucky-1 -5; 13. New Mexico-1-6; 14. The Pitts- 1-6; 15.-18. Pentagon (Coast Guard, Army, Navy, (Air Forcel-9-14; 19. Idle; 20. T ulsane !merger of Tulane and Tulsa)-3-9. MANDATORY SUSPENDED UST: Houston ll -61 for winning a game Saturday. Take Your Future Off Hold!! with MATRIXX MARK~TING Day Shifts (Mon-Fri 7-2:30) Evening Shifts (Mon-Fri 2:50-9:30 Sat 8-3:30) THE PROS This is a Bottom Ten bye for Cincinnati 0-6. No Bungles jokes. It's too bad that John Elway has to be stuck with a crummy team like Denver (1 -5). But it's his own fault. Remember when an other team wanted to draft him out of college? Had he not refused their offer, he could be with a club that's won three times as many games as the Broncos this year-the powerful Indy Dolts (3-4). Meanwhile, paced by agile thinking of Buddy Ryan, Arizona won an exciting, best-two-out-of-three match with Washington over the weekend. Arizona edged the Redskins 19-16 one day after Arizona defeated Washington State, 10-7. Arizona State, meanwhile, was edged by Washington Saturday, 14-35. And how about some light applause for the Giants' explosive break- away runner Rodney Hampton, who gained more than 20 yards on one run Sunday for the first time in 471 attempts. Hey, catch your breath, Rodney. WRECK, RECORD 1. Denver-1 -5 2. Houston-1 -5 3. New Orleans-2-5 4. Washington-1-6 5. Grampa Bay-2-4 6. Raiders-2-4 -- =:.., 28-3 1, Kansas City 8-11, C leveland 22-36, San Diego 16-19, Buddy idle Miami NEXT WEEK San Diego Philadelphia L.A. Rams Indy San Francisco Atlanta *TiiE WORST PHYSIQUES TUBBY -....., --- BOTI'OM TEN SIX•PACK LAST WEEK *Guaranteed Base Wage *Paid Training *Incentives *Benefits CALL TODAYII ONLY FULL-TIME POSITIONS AVAILABLE! For Information and Interviews MATRIXX MARKETING CALL 586-3251 1552 W. 200 N. (Across from Holiday Inn) I TEAM ALLEGED WEIGHT 303 1. Keith Sims Miami 335 2. William Perry•• Philadelphia 305 3. Glenn Parker Buffalo 310 4. Alphonso Taylor Denver 310 5. Dave Richards Det roit • As rated by Muscle eJ Fitness Magazine. •• Also known as Refrigerator. HOW DOES HE WEAR BOTH UNIFORMS? During the Raider-Dolphin game, NBC's Dick Enberg referred to L.A.'s hard-rushing D-lineman this way: "Jerry Ball is unable to stop the penetration of Jerry BaJI." BATTLE OF THE NO-NAMES: Trying to dramatize this coming week's network games, NBC made each out to be an individual duel (i.e. Denver vs. San Diego was "Elway vs. Seau" I. But when it came to the last game on the menu, it merely said, "The Bengals face the Browns." WHAT A DREAM MATCHUP IT WOULD BE: New Orleans coach Jim Mora said, "A year ago... I was standing up there before them at 5-2. This year I was standing up before the team at 2-5. This year's team would beat last year's team." |