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Show DAILY Silence does more harm than good cheerfully picking up al the by ear Carolyn: Jama college student wholives in an apart- slack yourself. prenaly, though, 1 is going to have other roommates, along ment with two othergirls. We all get along greaton the surface, but one roommate.isn't greatabout keeping up with the household responsibilities. She doesn’t buyany of the ba- with ooctane mete neighbors,cochairs, commuters — and allof us are to be most grateful if you decide to take this girl on. sics — cleaning products,toilet paper, etc. — doesn’t help with cleaning, and she's been late with thebills a few times. Carolyn Hax Roommate2 is tired of asking Roommate | to help around the house, and is upset that 1 always seemsto use “short on money”as an ex- cusewith bills and groceries, butnot with clothing, beer or. concerts. I guess I noticed these things too, but I lived in a situationlike that last year, and speaking up only got me a five-letter-word reputation. Roommate 2 doesn'tthinkit's fair to just cheerfullypick up the slack. So, do we need to discuss this with 1? And how would we go about it, anyway? C. The way you go aboutit is for both of you to go up to Roommate| and say, “Hey, we're not your personal assistants. Either help outor pay extra rent.” Don't budge. I can sympathize with your position, since getting burned for taking a stand can make you think hard aboutdoing it again. But keep thinking, and you'll see the choice your old deadbeat Tell Me About It roommates weregiving you: Serveus or we'[ll abuse you. Kinda burnishes that fiveletter rep, doesn't it. Plus, you have Roommate 2 to consider. While it is your prerogative to choose surface peace and avoid any new confrontation, you'd be leaving someone else to fight the battle without you. Whichis fine, even necessary, when you don't agree with the cause. But that’s not the case here. You're not as worked upabout it as 2 is, maybe, but you do agree with her. That means you'd be setting es oaete osone by Dean —knov full well how badit feels to be the five-letter-word. Not fair. You do havean alternative to confrontation.If you insist on not relivinglast year’s drama, then you can makeit up to 2 Dear Carolyn: Last weekend, myfriend’s boyfriend called me at 3:30 a.m. I was little too freaked out to answerand heleft no message. Hehas history of being way too flirtatious with herfriends — something that has been notedby all of'us. I'm thinking the best course is to assume he misdialed and there is nothing moreto it than that. I'm notoverlooking a reason to tell my friend, am I? —Freaked No, because he could have misdialed. Some cab company probably has almost the exact same phone numberas you. And all your friends. But you might be overlooking opportunities totell this guy to back off. If you'veall noted it, then you'veall had many chances to say, “Hello, you're dating myfriend.” Take some. E-mail: tellme@washpost. com;or write: “Tell Me About It,” c/o The WashingtonPost, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW, Washington,D.C. 20071. Sunday, February 19,2606 HERALD Don’t get married with the hope that the relationship will change havea boyfriend whol have been with for a year andthree months now —we've been engagedfor a year. live with my grandparents, andthey don’t think that I should be with him. He is 22 andlives with his parents. He's on disability, but he’s aboutto get a job. They don'tbelieve he will move out of his purents’ house or make somethingof himself. I love myfiance and won't break up with him for them. What should J do? — Kristy, 18, Wrightsville, Ga. If nothing changed with your fiance's situation, would you still be happy? If after you got married youhadtolive with his parents, would you be OK with it? If he continued tocollect disability and not work, would you be comfortable being the only one with a job? These are the questions you need to be able to answerhonestly.I’m. sure these are the questions that worry your grandparents. I don’t doubt your love for your fiance for a second. But at the same time, marriageis a sobering reality. If you stay in this relationship with the hopes thathe will suddenly change, then you aresetting yourself up for disappointment. My advice: Wait until he getshis life together and gains someindependence before you get mar- DISCOUNTS AT THESE STORES ONLY look hardat the situation, and don’t proceed until yo: ‘re sure, Good luck. a I recently madeoneof the poorestdecisions ever.I decided to drop out of school. I havealways had a problem with truancy,and it has ru- , ined mylife. Ihave talked to counselorsat school, and theysay to get my GED from a local community college. Thethingis, I don't know. the difference it would makein thejobsI will be interestedin, Anyadvice would be highly appreciated. — Ra’Shelle,18, Deland,Fla. Atoosa Rubenstein Dear Seventeen ried. Let him find a job,get his ownplace (without you), and keepit up forat least a year or two. Otherwise, you will be Intering a marriage with hopes and expectations that he may not be able to make good on.If he does all that, I'm sure you'll have your grandparents’ blessing. My guessis, your grandparents worry your fiance won'tbe thebest. life partner for you because ofthe challenges that havealready affected his life. They want you to have every advantage as youstart your life. Here’s whatI'm wor- ried about: That what bothers you most is that your grandparents are trying to make decisions for you, and you're holding on tighter to yourrelationshipjust to assert yourindependence.Listen,ultimately, getting married is your decision — not your grandparents’ —and you don’t want to make the wrong decisionjust to spite them. Marriageis seriousstuff, andI want youto enterit with your eyes open. Slow down, Your life isn’t ruined unless youletit be. You didn’t mention whatjobs you areinterested in,but I can promise you thatI've never heard of someoneregretting having too mucheducation. You arestill young, and our world is only getting more and more competitive in terms oflandii amazing jobs. Give yourself every advantage.Listen to your counselorsandeither go back to high schoolor earn your GED. Andif you can swingit financially andintellectually, go ontocollege. Plenty of people worknightjobs to be able to affordit. Be one of those people, It's easier than you think: You madethe decision to drop out — now makethe decision to drop backin. Send questions directly to Atoosa Rubensteinat: dearseventeen@hearst.com. Atoosa Rubenstein is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. AMERICAN FORK 175 Northwest State Rd. kmart PROVO COIUEGE New Criminal Justice Program im ag) College! 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