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Show Sunday, August28, 2005 DAILY HERALD , Ss Twodepart ‘So‘Sopranos Verne erneGay a ARNING: SOME MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR This clase DavelBiry cant wae feigeeaepichod on Aug. 22, 1993. : SERIOUS PEOPLE windows, every si day, causing the heads us male students to rotate90 math- Hai in unison, like ummer vacation is alelves in a motorized C most over, so today 7a . But those Uncle Dave has a special e when we were back-to-school “pep talk” for facing Mr. Solin,we receiveda wihaeat solid foundation in r with these ent ics, learning many important ne @ that YOU HAVE TO CORAGE-TO westill use in our professional SCHOOL. DAVE lives as employees of top U.S. DOESNT NEENER . A goodexample NEENER. Dave Barry is the mathematical of Seriously, y people, I “9,” which we use almost have some important back-to: toobtain an outside line on our school advice for you, and I corporate telephones so that can boil it down to four simple’ able to solve even basic math we can order Chinese food, words: “Study Your Mathproblems,such as the followplace bets, call 1 ematics.” ing: and perform all of the other I say this in light of a recent, A customer walks into a vital ee functions t alarming Associated Press sto- fast-food restaurant, orders makeour economy whatit is ry stating that three out of evtwo ers costing $2 today. ery four high-school students _- apiece, then youa $5 You young people deserve — nearly 50 percent — leave Ta oy cuit change should to have the same advantages, school without an adequate vege which is why I was so pleased understanding of mathematics. a. to note in the Associated Press Frankly, I am not surprised. b.$3 story that some university “How,” I am constantly c. None, because the quesessors have received a myself, “can we expect today’s tion doesn't say you WORK million federal grant to young people to underst: there. You could just take the develop new ways to teach ics when so money and run away. math to high-schoolstudents. of them can’teven point their The correct answer, of The profe essors know this will Peetellcare inne riers Ceo course,is that you should give be a challenge. One of them is quoted as saying:“There is a the customer: d. mentality in this country that Whatever the computerized cash register says, evenif it’s mathematics is something a few nerds out there do andif $154,789.62. ‘You young people must learn to handle basic mathsense, young people! If you ematical concepts suchas this examine your cap if you hope to ever become a vill note that it has & piece smug and complacent older ng cok the fron,cab called a person such as myself. 1 was purpose of fortunate enoughto receive an Pika enna erties which, unless your parents did excellent mathematical foundation as a member of the Class a great many drugsin the ’60s (Ask them about it)), is located of 196.5 Billion Years Ago at Pleasantville High School, whereI studied math under Mr.Solin, who,in my senior earing back of your head, or wearyear, attempted to teach us caling Shearang a yout wee, culus (from the ancient Greek words “calc,” meaning “the (Perhaps you young people also. Uncle Dave you don't understand mathematics,it's OK — you don’t need it.” This is a bad mentality, young people. There's nothing “nerdy” about mathematics. Contrary to their image as a bunch of out-of-it huge-butted Far-Side-professor dweebs who spend all day st: at on _a blackboard while of dandruff form around their ankles, today’s top mathematicians are in fact a group exciting, dynamic and glanior. ous indivi who are working to solve some of the most fascinating and challenging problems facing the human race today (“Let's see, at $2.98 apiece, with a $6 million federal grant, we could buy.... WHOA!That's 2,013,422.82 POCKET PROTECTORS”). So come on, young people! Get in on the action! Work hard in math this year, and rememberthis: If some musclebound Neanderthal bullies corner you in the bathroom and call you a “nerd,” you just look them sraight oe eye and say, “Oh YEAH? W] don’t you big jerks .... LET GO! HEY! DONT PUT MY HEAD IN THETOILET! HEY!” And tell them that goes double for your Uncle Dave. Tore ores womens, bat in firmament of Sopranos” they are huge; not James i huge, perhaps, but in their own special way maybe even bigger: Mitchell Burgess and Robin Green, who have been the key creative partners (with David Chase) on one of Seaeee cable history, have ing. Ina quiet departure that was never even announced (these collaboration to the early when they worked on “NorthExposure,” and on aie mee father Sopranos,” yess-Green are (sorry — we just can't resist) his most trust: capos. harlotaenbaantag sides the departure “amicable.” And, naturally, we believe both sides. But what about the fans? Should they be concerned? Sopranos” a deep writers’ bench (and two insiders are expected to become the show’s top producers, re- reasons), the Burgess-Green leave-taking was noted just two weeks agoin the pages of Va, or three days after HBO it had ordered eight adi of “Sopranos” for the '07 season. A surprise? No, a shock. Burg Chase date their one of them be Terence Winters, another show veteran?) Meanwhile, Burgess-Green _have a development deal with HBO and are working ona | parody about consumerism, or —as Variety terms it — a comedy in which “ ‘Beverly Hillbil_lies’-meets-Wal-Mart ...” thingsrarely are, for obvious of you young people are un- Pyne 50th Carroll, Thompson Ron and Marlene Carroll of Orem Gary and LaFae Pynewill are pleased to announce the marriage oftheir daughter, Brittany celebrate their 50th Wedding An- Carroll to Christ They were married in the Salt Lake Thompson, son of Norman and Winnan Thompson of Logan. They will be married niversary on Thurs. Sept. 1, 2005. cores on Sept. 1, 1955. dedicated to their tine as and Church service. They also enjoy spending time at their, family ‘aba and traveling with | Mountain Crest High School and their Good Sam Chapter. Carolina. Heis employed at Fine dar Hills, Julie (Wendell) Francis, ated from Timpanogos High School Pyne (deceased). They have 11 served a mission to Charlotte, North Arts Dental Lab. Brittany gradu- andis currently attending UVSC. oung people? Let’s allarvetetote nthe coming ear! But alsowe need to think ess-Green. The couple will maketheir first Mr.Solin was an excellent teacher, and although the subject matter was dry, he was able to keep the class’ attention riveted on him from the moment the bell rang until the moment, several minutes later, when a large girls’ gym class walked past the classroom Children Jeff (Teri) Pyne, of Ce- Pleasant Grove, and John Steven, grandchildren and two great-grand- children. home in Provo. : News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd » In court papers filed in 1994 but which only recently drew public attention, lawyers for the Catholic Archdiocese highway, blamed her lapse not = apeer high from her admited methamphetamine habit tat on sleepiness from missing her meth for several days child-support claim against a priest by pointing out the culpability of the mother herself forfailing to use birth control (which the church regards a (Franklin, Ind, August). of Portland, Ore., re;challenged a cane to halk en Ne Wore went ie for an increase in port, aarti Gouwt Gaia te downin deference'to Father Arturo Uribe’s vow of poverty, ’s previous job as the Vatican's chief doctrinist.) Compelling explanations D In July, a team of South Korean scientists made history by cloning an Afghan hound, but many experts view the team’s revelation two months carern a tant, when they derive stemcellines fromnes Polosce teens Hwang -reans have anadvantage over westerners indelicate tory work because of “Oriental hands, Wecan pick upaie slippery corn or ice with steel D Lame:(1) Ronald Schueller, convicted of attempting to hire someone to knock his ‘charg twoof her diaper-clad toddlers were found on the side of a Latest rights » Eric Laverriere,25,filed a federal lawsuit in Boston in July,claiming the Waltham, Mass.,police violated his constitutional right to be drunk when they arrested him at a private New Year's Eve party even though there was no evidence that he was disturbing anyone.(The law in many states requirespolice to detain someone who is incapacitated and who might be a threat to himself, and indeed, some police ments have been sued if they fail to detain someone wholater injures himself.) And in yeBritain's High Court declared illegal London’s 9pm. — for those under age 16 who are not with an adult. Lord Justice Brooke said “everyone” should have the right to “walk the streets without interference from police.” Thelitigious society D In Old Saybrook, Conn., in October 2004, Alan Hauser, who was parked with a gine running,sitting with his mother-in-law, accidentally hit ‘the accelerator, causing the SUV to jump a curb andplunge down an embankmentinto the Connecticut River, where rescuers (who werelater cited for heroism) the woman out 30 minutes later. (Hauser maniss on his own.) The woman, suffered serious brainesl guardrails, not having patrols of trained andequipped Gua signs wi people of the into the river. (Hauser was also sued, but the family’s original plan, to sue individual rescuers, was scuttled.) » In July,Jeanette| salatse, 92 Tied ai San Bernardino,Calif, fos Kale Permanente ted cal organization for death of her husband in Jurie'2004, wher?he passed out from watching his wife receive an epidural anesthetic,fell over and fatally hit his head. Ac- cording to the lawsuit, hospital personnel had asked the husband to hold and comfort his wife while the needle was being inserted and therefore wereat fault. » New World Order:In April, the communist government of China presented its quinquennial Vanguard (or Model) Worker award(in the past, given to loyal factory workers, dedicated public-outstewards andthe like) to Yao Ming, the Houston Rockets’ basketball player who lives most of the year in the United States and earns about $15 million annually from playing and from product endorsements (which is about 15,000 times the average earning of Chinese urban workers). » MoreIronies:(1) Criminal defense lawyer Donald Johnson apprehended the man burglarizing his home in Cornwall, Ontario, in May, and discovered it was one ofhis clients, Scott Best, 34 (who spperenly was unaware whose home he had entered and wanted to telephone Johnson from the station house). (2) Among the items stolen from the All Souls Church in Peterborough, England, in ay wasa Catone that they improvecirculation and reduce musclestress. Said a company spokesman: “Everybody has electricity running throughtheir bodies. This product stabilizes that flow of electricity if you're stressed or tired.” Said New York Mets pitcher Heath Bell (who has two necklaces):“If you think it works,it’s going to work. If you don’t think it works, it’s not going to work. But I’m going to keep wearingit, because next year, there will be something new we'll all have to get.” Questionable judgments Steven Newell was hospitalized in London, Ontario, in June afterhis large plastic swimming pool, which he had just placed on his second-floor balcony and thenfilled with water, caused the balcony to collapse and plunge to the ground. The pool, 8 feet in diameterandfilled with water as it was to a height of 20 inches, would require about 640 gallons, weighing more than 2 /2 tons. Newell hadrelocated the poolto the balconyin order to avoid the safety requirement of building a fence aroundit. Webb60th Cragun,Griffith Roger and Donna Mae Webbwill celebrate their 60th Wedding Anmeeey on Sunday, August 28, 200! John E.and Julie B. Cragun are eee met Donna Maewhile he was onleave from the U.S. Merchantmarines, They became engaged onhis next leave and were married after the end of World War Il on August 28,1945,in Salt Lake City: They lived in Provountil 1958 then moved to the home they pres- ently live in. Both retired in 1986, Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679, WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or www.NewsoftheWeird. com. of Provo, Utah to James Dennis Griffith of Lehi, Utah, son of Dennis N.and DeannaK.Griffith on Friday September 2, 2005 in the Mount Timpanogos L.D.S. Temple. ‘A receptionwill be held in their honorthatevening at the Lehi 31st Single Adults L.D.S. Churchat 3180 N. 300 W. Lehi, Utah from 6:00- 8:00p.m. The couple will reside in Lehi. Rogerafter 40 yearsin the sheet metal industry and Donna Mae after 20 years of working for the Alpine SchoolDistrict lunch pro- gram. They weresealed in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on December 30, 1998. Theyenjoy travel, attending plays, sports events and their grandchildren's achievements. They are the parents of David (Ranae)Taylorsville; Rand(Shelley) NorthSalt Lake; Kim (Mimi) Orem. Theyhave11 grandchildren and11 great-grandchildren. Therewill be a family dinner later. Whitney, Park News that sounds like a joke Lawyers for horror novelist Stephen King acknowledged in June that King had been sued once again by AnneHiltner, who now claims that the obsessed, psychotic nurse in the movie “Misery” must have been based on her. She had earlier claimed that a psychic character from King’s TV show “Kingdom Hospital” was based on her and sued him before that for allegedly breaking into her home andstealing manuscripts. pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter, Jennie Cragun Robert and Sandi Whitneyof Morgan are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter, Shelley Whitney to Dustin J. Park, gon of Joseph H. and NancyPark of Mapleton. The couple will be sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on Thursday,Sep- tember 1, 2005. Family and friends areinvited to a reception in their honorthat evening from 7:00-9:00 p.m.at the White Willow Receron Center. Larson, Burton Allan and Diane Larson of Orem are pleased to announce the mar- Letterato the George and Patty Burton of Orem, Fditoronline riage of their daughter, Melissa D. Larson to Robert L. Burton, son of on Thursday, September1, 2005. Family andFriends areinvited to attend a reception in their honor, that evening, from 7:00-9:00 p.m. at Wadley Farms, 35 E. 400 N., wwwheraldextra.com |