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Show <7 DAILY HERALD riendship overa snotty remark| Febing.friends in Dontt blo ear Carolyn: snotty comment. It's if.a friend.did.something (a pattern) that appropri no matter how much worse‘the was thelast straw and youreacted by making a mean com- obligate you because you can pretty much taken his ball and gone home... and even though apologizeand still choose to exit the friendship. Whichis crucial here, be- provocation was, and it doesn't ment, and the person has now you knowthatpersonisn't going to change,youstill kinda miss him then howdo you approachthat person? Or do youjust let sleeping dogslie, andfigureit’s their loss if they can't address it? I was justifiably upset by cause (I believe)it's going to be Carolyn Hax Tell Me About It the treatment and got no apologyforit but I'm not proud of mysnotty comment either. — Backing Down? If you lost yourcool andgot snotty, andif you value the Sunday, August2005 21, his response to your response thattells you decisively whether his is a friendship you want. DearCarolyn I'msoonto bedivorced; my wife had an affair and is still with that man (divorce not my I still love her, but she friendship more thanyou resent the straws, thenit’s your loss. too. Whichyoucan address properlyand without obligation byapologizing for your wife,” dren,” = her "bay is more than just “mommy's friend.” Howdo I refer to him friendreally likes — Trying to Figure It Out her coach, and she always talks about whentheyask aboutit? Painful. I'm sorry. tranged,” since everyone who needs to know details already knows. “The mother of my children” and “the woman I married” are greatif you want everyonetoelse to know, too, along with how bitter you are, now? “Myestranged but please resist for your kids’ sake. In a pinchthereareal- “the mother of mychil“the woman I married"? Back to School 4 ‘ ways “Mary” and “Bob” (extra pointsif they're the real names). DearCarolyn I frequently find myselfin situations where people assumeany malefriendI'm with (at lunch, at a store, at @ party) is myboyfriend or and looking, without making myfriend feel I am embar- rassed at the assumption? —Just a Friend I can't see where embarrass- Oy. First off,it's true thatif a couple has a 20-year span be- Right now I am working tween them (like,she's 30 and he’s 50), they’d be at different full time as a manager.I like the authority, but I really life stages — but that would be want to go backto school. I it, even when you're dealing with adults.) But there is no way the power structure can be equal when onepartner is an adult and the otheris a child. (I know 13 might not seemlike a “child” to you,butin the eyes of the don’t know howto break the news, and I’mafraid my boss will be disappointed. What should I say? — Chantha,20, Fresno,Calif. It's always hard to break newsthat you think someone doesn’t wantto hear — but at the sametime, you've got to live yourlife the way you law,andin the greater scheme wantto. Otherwise,it stops ofthings, that is the reality.) That's whyif this relationship giving other people(like your explanations comein, no no. I can't see why, “Oh, we're isn’t just bad judgment (on the being yourlife — and you're manager) way too much con- trol. Myadvice? Rip the Band- Aid off — fast. A good tactic is to start with a compliment, but to report what youknow then getto the point quickly. to one of your friend's teachers or to anotheradult at her “Thank you so muchfor the amazing opportunity you have given me here — I've Teachers are mandatory reporters, which means if they learn of an abusivesitu- decided that I want to go back that you fear missing that One Perfect Chance Meeting because you dined with a dude ation, they have an obligation to call in the authorities and getic, because that will just make it stop. I know it seems like I'm telling you to narc on make yourboss try to talk you that day, you don't need tactful phrasing so muchas tactless advice: Relax. It”: tellme@washpost. com;fax: 202-334-5669; or write: “Tell Me About It,” c/o The WashingtonPost, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW,Washington,D.C. 20071. Chat online with school. to school, so I'm goingto give you three weeks’ notice.” Don’t sound unsure or apolo- your friend, but you haveto. Thefact is,if this guy really is makingout with her, she's in Wwww.eougarhlue.com into staying. The bottomline is that you're making a good move — moreeducationis neverthe type of thing someune regrets. Own your deci- an unsafe environment. Your friend will be mad at you, but she'll get overit, and you'd really be making a mistakeif youkept quiet. A guy whois going to stoop low enough to makeout with someone so much younger and washingtonpost.com TON Dear Seventeen Put a stopto this now, before that happens. — when absolutely necessary. Meaningless misreads by peoplein restaurantsorin stores aren't even worth a correction. So if the problemis really noon Eastern time, at www. we til I read the word “hickey.” guy’s part) — it’s illegal. Since yourfriend’s mom isn't steppingin, you havenochoice Carolyn each Friday at IN has Rubenstein I'll be honest with you: I was thinking all was OK un- has really gotten sexual, it E-mail “Tell Me About ra Atoosa with it, and she’s even trying awareoffeelings onhis part just friends,” won't suffice id at 1g sores only, Prices miay vary. Customer pays sales 1 pires: 8200 ee a eerie tell her mom,but she's OK to help makehim like her! I'm really worried abouther. — Lauren, 15, Cleveland OK because both wouldstill be mentcomes in, unless you're Offer Valid 8/21 — 8/28! her too — andthat he even gavehera hickey. I tried to adults. (Although, P,S.: Twenty years is still sort of pushing and I are not romantically involved, and that I am single that aren't quite as strictly platonic? AndI can't see where |Buy Any Pizza at Menu Price and Get a 2"Pizza of Equal or Lesser Value brings up her neighbors, who husband. “1'm desperate so please don't — to talk to her about it, she got married with a 20-year agedifference between them. She says her coach “loves” Can you think of a tactful way to explain that my friend let this guy scare you away.” Hurry, One Week Only! Pie Now. Pay Later August 21*'August 28" how she“loves” him. He is 28; she is 13. Whenever I try “Mommy'sfriend” is fine, as is “boyfriend,” as are “my ex” and,for sticklers, “my es- "re done). Howdol re- Also, howdo I refer to him? I suppose he washer “lover.” situations But«nowthat they're dating| arachildren also realize ‘he so vulnerable (she looks up to — he's her coach) might sion, and feel good that you've madeit — it will make the conversation easier. Good luck! Quastions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: dearseventeen@hearst. also be comfortable doing com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the foundingeditor of other, even more dangerous or threatening things to your friend — or someothergirl. magazine. CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editorin chief of Seventeen ee NCCLS} 21°’ ANNIVERSARY anisole SI Uiak SUK Dre ena lass ical LENT red (ire oy Or Bara rere D lever mr Crane ; 2 Parente 2x00 A ri SCTRA SHELL Poerecor 0, Sanne |