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Show “Freedom is the right to do what you ought to do,” — Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, American religious leader (1895-1979). The Daily Herald Psychologist offers TIMMY DOBSA'T Looe ar Mott Book®, BUT WE LEARNS A LoT BY WHTHING TELEVISION... six-pack of advice to new graduates By STEVEN N. CZETLI Each spring, almost 20,000 ordinary people who would rather be watching television are asked to explain to this nation’s high school and college graduates the meaningoflife. My experienceis that howeverheartfelt and well-meaning this effort is, the lesson learned by antsy grads and their proud parents is rarely more profound than the eloquence of brevity Communications magnate Ted Turner showed masterful grasp of this principle when he appeared at a graduation one recent spring to note something like: “I have skin cancer; avoid overexposure to the sun.” He thenleft the podium It was a goodlesson, but not the secret of success many had anticipated. Nor was it the Holy Grail of happiness we could be handing off to our young as they begin lives of their own 1 didn’t always see commencementas such a missed opportunity because I didn't knowthat such a formula for happiness actually existed In this, | was probably like a lot of people who even today still don’t realize that a concise, scientifi- some way had exploited, betrayed or deceived them. Convinced that the collective experience of these people contained valuable life lessons, Dr. Ramm asked himself if the life traps he had identified suggested guidelines for living which could be easily rememberedand applied in day to day decision-making. Six rules for effective living emerged. Think ofthem asa part gift to help insure your son's or daughte happiness * Rule one: Use your head. Think. It isn’t always easy. Infact, it's never as easy as doing whatyoufeel like doing. but con sistently managing our actions with reason andlogicis the most effective and reliable tool we possess for acquiring and mainthat which we most value. Dr. Rammrefers to this as a commitmentto rationality. This rule is supported by the observation that in every area of life where reason and logic has supplanted superstition and magical thinking, the quality of life has improved. * Rule two: Before making any choice, take a hard look at tive living is avail- percentage of the people how your decision ible. Since stumwill affect that which bling onto this foryou value. This rule mula about three is not designed to foster selfishness, but become convinced rather to acknowlthat if this simple set of rules for living were more widely edgethe reality that each of us is expected known, a lot more young people would to take responsibility for ourselves. A popleave home better equipped to build suc- ular termfor this view is enlightened selfcessful lives and avoid life’s most seduc- interest. Dr. Rammcalls it self-respect. It lve traps does not prohibit compassion or charity, The man behind this floor planforlife but ensures that you aren't unwittingly ty Dr, Douglas R. Rammand heis no guru. manipulated into behavior which is detriHe 1s a successful, mainstream clinical menial to yourself, but advantageous to psychologist. who, like his advice. is someone else decidedly Western. Dr. Ramm works too * Rule three: Once you know what you hard, periodically endures a bad back and want. recognizethat it will be necessary to Very spring goes on a diet with varying commit time and effort to acquire and degrees ofsuccess. His credentials are dis- maintain it. This is as true at homeasit is Unguished but traditional. They demon- onthe job. It is as true of your car as itis strate that he is schooled and skilled in the of your spouse. If it appears that you are many disciplines of depth psychology being offered something in return for Whathis longlist of professional associa- nothing. you can safely assume that the tions and degrees don’t tell you is that he full deal has not yet surfaced. This is the is also a deeply caring man, refreshingly principle of industry * Rule four: Respect the rights ofothers focused on helping his clients copeeffectvely with the real world and honor without exception all your Several years ago, Dr. Rammhad an agreements — both implicit and explicit epiphany. He observed that in the nearly These may be obvious commitments such two decades he had been practicing his as wedding vows or a work contract, or profession, a growing percentage of the more subtle and even unspoken agreepeople showingupin his office seemed to ments suchas the promise we make when be suffering from self-inflicted injuries. In we choose to raise a child, This is the prinother words, except for a few biologically ciple of equity based exceptions, most of the people he * Rule five: In evaluating your situafound himself treating were suffering as a on, and in the way you describe it to othresult, of what they ers, be unfailingly had doneor failed to accurate. If this is do. Their difficuities, painful, Dr Ramm Several years ago, Dr. Ramm had an epiphany. He observed thatin the nearly two decades he - had been practicing his cally based “" of profession, a growing guidelines for effec- showingupin his office seemed to be suffering years ago. | have from self-inflicted injuries. Some people had dam- which ranged from aged their lives by putting acute anxiety (© pro- the needs of others found depression, could have been avoided if they had behavior Dr. Ramm made better choices. Totest the validity of his intuition, At the opposite extreme Says Ht means you have violated one of the other five principles. In this way, honesty becomes a handy check on your success at applying these principles in your day Dr. Ramm profiled were those so self-cento day life. Deception 100 random clients seems to take its in a carefully strucgreatest toll in the area of interpersonal results surprised @rs, relationships, but it even him. Ninetyalso has the effect of four percent of these degrading our reason chents could be shown to be victims or whichis the cornerstone of a high quality their own choices. An examinationoftheir life. * Rule six: Require that all persons individual cases yielded an even more useful discovery: All this misery stemmed allowed close to you guide their lives by the previous five rules. Otherwise, you fromjust seven behaviors. can safely assume that at some point they Fully halfhad failed to use their heads. With a little thought and by acting on will break either your heart or your trust information readily available to them,the — probably both. Dr. Ramm is the first to acknowledge life-shattering consequences of their actions could have been avoided. About a that these are not new concepts. In fact, three are classic virtues and surely all at third suffered fromfailing to invest adeone time or another have found their way quate time and energy into the things that from the lips of thoughtful parents to the mattered most to them, Others had been ears of restless children. What sets them what Dr. Rammcalled unfaithful — they apart is that these six, and these six alone, hadfailed tofollow through on voluntary emerged from a study with a single focus commitments. Some people had damaged How can we avoid acting in ways that septheir lives by putting the needs of others arate us from that which we most value? ahead of their own — behavior Dr. The answer turned out to be six familiar Rammdescribed as self-effacing. At the ideas that when applied toour lives conOpposite extreme were those so self-cen- sistently and in combination insure for us tered that they failed to respect the rights the greatest likelihood of becoming and of others. Their behavior ranged from remaining happy. theft to thoughtlessness. Lying or more This year when your graduate asks for subtle forms of misrepresenting reality a six-pack to help celebrate,offerthis one. was another insidious trap. And even The goodfeeling it promises has no hangpeople who had successtully avoided over and lasts a lifetime. each of these pitfalls and managed their Steven N, Czetli is an author, freelance lives with exemplary skill had been writer and former executive business edibrought down by other people whoin tor of The Pittsburgh Press. ahead of their own — described as self-effacing. tered that they failed to tured case study. The Fespect the rights of oth- « Bice Hospital for vets This month, in states across the country, Americans will once again celebrate Armed Forces Day, for our brave servicemen and servicewomen, and also on Memorial Day for those who died fighting for their country. Parades will be organized, speeches will be made by politicians (by non-veterans, usually) competing to bask in the reflected glory of the “bravest-of-the-brave,”our nation’s veterans, both living and dead Forty-three of these states will also show their concern andlove for their veterans by continuing to fund/maintain the most tangible evidence of that love, their state-sponsored veterans nursing homes, something that Utah does not have! Although we will no doubt have our share of parades, speechesandpoliticianstrying to “make hay” out of the occasion, we have yet to put our money where our mouth is when it comes to funding/building even one state-sponsored veterans nursing home. Gov. Leavitt and the legislature are very big whenit comes to making speeches/proclamations/giving out awards, etc., but whenit comestoactually spending the money needed to relieve suffering and provide badly needed care, they are slow as molasses and don’t seemto care when it’s done. The history of veterans struggling to receive treatment equal to pioneers is not a pretty one and goes back many years. While traditionally and historically any project with the name “pioneer” attached to it got immediate and generous support and action, any effort to provide equal treatment and care for veterans got the cold-shoulder and no funds were ever made available until just last year (supposedly), when the legislature passed/funded and promised the construc- tion of one state-sponsored veterans nurs- ing home. Until very recently, Utah had noState Department of Veterans Affairs (all the other states had them) andoffered no veterans preference for jobs, other qualifica- tions being equal and now weare told construction of our home won't evenstart until sper of 1997! Manyof ourolder/sicker veterans can’t wait that long, and the V.A. Hospitalisn’t chartered to provide such care and the immediately with no further excuses? You will have our undying gratitude if you do! Thank you very much, in advance. Charles S. Bollard Past Commander, Disabled American Veterans Orem Review immigration i would like to respondto the commentary in the May 2nd Daily Herald which appeared with the headline, “Immigration myths need to be debunked”. This article is full of half-truths [ would like to clarify This commentary is a reprint from a longer Reader's Digest article from that magazine's May 1996 edition. The country has been flooded by millionsofillegal immigrants, predominantly from Mexico, Central and South America and Asia. The INSestimatesrun as high as 800,000 illegal aliens entering the U.S. every year and have done so for almost 10 years. This is in contrast to the 675,000 legal immigrants which are admitted each year. Doonesbury aaa otherstates. This does not look like immi- grants who want to be assimilated, but ratherto stay te while living hete Milegalaliens in California are trying to get the right to vote, something manyalready do thanksto forged documents. Twoissuesthat the writers’ did not discuss, but I would, are: First, the danger of introducing new dangerous and resistant diseases into the U.S. Sevetal countries sell antibiotics cheaply over the counter. This has resulted in many muftiple, drug-resistant diseases in those countries. These diseases, such as tuberculosis, have been increasing in frequency where large populations ofillegal aliens live in the U.S. This has resulted in some Americans being infected with incurable djseases and a multi-billion dollar yeagly health burden. i Second, while some illegal aliens pay taxes,the overwhelming majority get it al! back from the state they live in and the Internal revenue Service. The IRS also subsidizesthe illegal aliens in the form of the Eamed income Credit (EIC) and prgb- The first myth that the writers attempted to dispel is the contention that, “Today's immigrants are less educated than in the past.” It is true that while the average education level among legal and illegal immigrants has beenrising, the gap between their education and the level need to succeed in the U.S. has never beenlarger and the gap is growing. ably get back an additional 15 percent because of the low-income and head-ofhousehold status. ' Itis time to make some serious changes in our nation’s immigration policies. Joseph Ruffolo Orem level in most countries was sufficient for an immigrant to be successful here. Now we have become so technological that only immigrants from G7 industrialized countries have a good chance of success. Other immigrants, especially illegals, will My name is Naoko Kani and I'm a {6years old Japanese girl. I've been looking for a pen pal in USA. I wish to get more knowledge about USA through correspondence. Fifty to 100 years ago, the education find there only options are low-paying. low-tech jobs with no future. Atempt to describe the business opportunities of the Internet and World Wide Web to a new legalor illegal immigrant and you will see mypoint. The second myth the writers attempted to dispel is that, “Immigrants steal jobs from Americans.” There is no question that they do. When I was in high school and college in California, most bus boys, box boys in grocery stores, McDonald’s workers, etc. were Americans. This was a means for them to earn money while still in school. Now these jobs are held almost church won't except on a very “short- exclusively by Hispanics.A large percent- term.” highly restricted basis. Also, private nursing homes are way too expensive for most veterans. More than SOyears ago, in World WarII, many ofus incurred seriousinjuries (like Bob Dole) or debilitating tropical diseases such as malaria/denguefever or tropical dysentery that have racked our bodies ever since. We saved America from invasion and tyranny, and now we need your help to save us. Won't you please call Gov. Leavitt and the legislature and demand they start construction See many as 23 languages in California and age of them are illegal aliens and attempt- ing to raise a family on minimum wage. They don’t speak English, have no skills whichare useful here, and have little or no education and no future. The third myth the writers attempted to dispel is that, “Immigrants don’t want to assimilate.” Anyvisitor to California can See signs in other languages and hear other languages spoken. Bilingual education is now considered a right to many immigrants. Voting ballots are available in as Pen pal sought I love movies and original motion picture soundtrack. My hobbies are writing letters, hiking and go on a picnic. I'm very interested in American nature, for example the Grand Canyon in Arizona. | I'm looking forward to getting letters fromaged 8-80. { Naoko Kjni 2-111 Miyake Ginan-cho Hashima-gun Gifu 501-61 Japan ' Letters policy : Letters to the editor are welcome. Please address them to: Editor, The Daily Herald, P.O. Box 717, Provo, UT 84603-0717. 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