OCR Text |
Show Lifestyle Ao: The Daily Herald Saturday, May 11, 1996 ‘Dealwill make for The Oldest Animals: A tale from Ireland a sweet Halloween Mother Eagle flew through the blue sky of that bright May dayand before long she came to the river. Sure enough, she saw the blind salmon swimming through the Adapted by AMY FRIEDMAN Universal Press Syndicate Off the west coast of Ireland lies pretended that theré was nothing sessions, The ultimate shame came about three in the afternoon 1 would prefer to taking off my shoes and wading through icy 1 expected to have a leisurely water — anything to keep from time where I would attend a few dying onthe trail. make appropriate “oohs” and “ahs” about the red when an 80-year-old man using a the rest of the day shopping and waiker gleefully puttered past me rock surrounding me and spend eating in a local Chinese restau- on the two-mile trail. I was pleased to make an old man hap- 1 was wrong. A group of sadists directed the conference They scheduled the afternoon for This conference disturbed me, though.I did not wantto be con. sidered the international poster child for the out of shape. My fant disguised in an American Indian tourist motif. Py. a “power climb” up the sheer cliffs of the park's canyon walls. It was designed to show how strong women could be. Their chant, “I am woman, hear me roar”terrified me. 1 was afraid | would actually roar — in pain and agony. One leader gently explained that this would be an expanding experience as we surrounded ourselves in nature. I believe in expansion.For the last twoyears, A Winters Tale while | worked on a master’s the- sis, | expanded my ability to think. Unfortunately, as | sat before the computer night after night, I also expandedthe part of my body that sat on the chair. | am aboutas fit for a nature climb as Ross Perot is fit to be president. WhenI askedif I could rent a video and watch nature fromthe comfort of my air-conditioned room, | was greeted with stony stares. One exasperated leader suggested that try the rivertrail, a nature walk that did not require holding onto steel cables to move family offered its support. My daughter — whois taking one of those college entrance tesis so she can be admitted into a local university that requires test scores even Einstein could not manage — made a deal. She suggested that | match every hour she studied with an hour of exercise. This way we would encourage each other. From the moment | said “okay,” she began to tackle her test books vigorously. | had to exercise 14 hours the first week, and she showsnosigns of slow- forward. I would have opted for the bustour as an alternative, but ing. | fell victim to peer pressure. A friend and | began the walk. It was not long before | realized 1 had insulted Ross Per- ot. Even advocating a 50-cent gasoline hike, he has more qualificationsto run the nation than | do to run through a paved canyon path. I tried to disguise mypanting | kept talking about the rocks, the steams, the desert swamp, the birds, the pine cones — anything to get my companion to stop. | “My, you are really working yourtail off,” said my admiring husband to his daughter. “No, 'm working mom’s tail off,” she grinned. i groaned, but replied that it wasfine because | knew hertest wasin June, and I figured I could do anything for a month, “Oh, I've rescheduled my test,” she replied merrily. “I won't be taking it until October.” I have never anticipated HalJoween so much in mylife. Summervacations turning into time to get surgery From Knight-Ridder Summer's a stitch: For an increasing numberof you, getting away from it all on summer vacation means the chance to have cosmetic surgery and hide out until it heals, “Many of my Patients schedule their surgeryat the start of their summer vacations, so when they return to work, their colleagues never guess they had surgery,” says Westchester, N.Y.. plastic “Everything that’s available in New York or Los Angeles or Boston... is available to people in anylittle tiny small town of 100 people. It’s in the jeans: You could say it was in-jeanious commercial. The grand prize winner at this year’s Clio Awards, the best- known awards for advertising, went to a British commercial for Levi's 501 jeans. In the ad, a rural teen-ager buys a condom from a surdruggist, stuffs it in the watch improvements in appearance are pocketof his Levi's 501 jeans, and geon Nicholas Daniello. “All attributed tothe restful effects of time off.” College marks: Parents, here's something else to worry about then discovers when he arrives at his girlfriend’s home that her father is the druggist. The father is outraged but the couple goes out college — the possibility he or Say what? Duh! Is “duh”really a word? It may soon be — Mike Cameron, the owner of a Miami ster’s New World Dictionaries, says “duh” is on a short list for possible newentries, along with a few other sland words like “def” and “phat” (meaning “cool” or “neat”’) and “tude,” short for attitude. the island of Achill. Thousands of years ago, an old hawk from the island trembled through a long, cold night in May. That old hawk survived the night and thousands Beach tattoo parlor. Cameron Buiessed one reason is the pervasiyeness of music videos. “I did,”the blind salmon replied. “My tittle chick who is just one month old tells me that last night more, but he never forgot that troubling cold. Hundreds of years passed, and then thousands more. One night in May, that old hawk was not the coldest night in May,” and she went ontotell her whole story. She told him too about tlie Blackbird of the Forge and the Bull in the Field, and the way she had cometo seek him having heard he was the oldest animal. “Weil,” said the blind salmon, blinking his single eye, “there was a night colder than last night. I was so cold that night I was jumping up and down in the water, but once I jumped up, and when I landed, 1 felt the cold coming again. He searched for a place to stay warm. The old hawk spotted an eagle’s nest. He flew into that nest, and when he found a young one there, he picked it up in his beak and hid it under a bush. Then he flew back to the nest to stay warm. Nightfell and Mother Eagle returned. She snuggled downinto hernest, thinking that the old hawk must be her own,for darkness hid him from her view. All night long Mother Eagle shivered and wriggled, for that Maynight was cold indeed. “Oh,” she moaned, “there’s never been a night in May as cold asthis night.” Now the old hawk, nestled beneath Mother Eagle, began to worry, for he knewthat when daybreak came, Mother Eagle would be furious with him. And so he toldthis tale. “This night is not as cold a night as one that came before,”he said. “How would you know?” Mother Eagle asked. “You just came out ofyour shell.” “Old May Night was much colder than this,” the old hawk said firmly, “and if you don’t believe me, ask the Blackbird of the Forge. She’! tell you about Old MayNight.” The old hawk was so insistent that Mother Eagle grew annoyed. “Fine,” she said just before daybreak, “I'll go speak to the Blackbird of the Forge.” froze right into the ice. I couldn't She flew until she came to the forge, and sure enough, she found the blackbird there. “Last night was the coldest Maynight I've ever felt,” Mother Eagle said. “Aye, it was cold,"t knothick. Every seven years | rub my beak on it, and if | rub my beak once more, the rod will break.” Sure enough, eps Eagle could see that the rod rown very thin, so she knew theblackbird had been in the world for a long, long time. “I've been here a while, and last night is the coldest night I've everfelt. But go ask the Bull in the Field. He’s much older than I.” From Knight-Ridder Flat-out support: Steve Forbes may not be our next president, but he sure struck a chord when he talked about taxes. Asked which of three federal taxation systems would be the most fair, 39 percent of those workers surveyed for Accountants on Call said they thought a flat-tax system was the mostfair. Thirty percent expressed support for the current system and 20 percent thought that the fairest system was a value-added tax. Four percentsaid none of the above, and 7 percentsaid they didn’t know. Cheapskates: Here's a tip if your income depends on tips: For the first time in 16 years, lawyers have beaten out doctors to top the Dear Ann Landers: | am 71 years old, and I have been reading your column every day for at least 40 years. California Dear Louise: I do, and I did. Thanks for a good start for a Saturday. Home Rules: If you sleep on it — makeit up. If you wear it — hangit up. people stealing food in the grocery store? They take fruit, candy and nuts and put them in their mouths. If you eat out of it — put it in the sink. If you spill it — wipe it up. If you empty it Tit up, If i rings — answerit. If it howls — feed it. Ifit cries — loveit. If you think my list is good enough to use in your column, please do so. — Louise McCall, cookiesand stand there eating them Dear Ann Landers: What, if I just read your Golden Rules for Living. I have a list called anything, should 1 do when I see If you drop it — pickit up. ation of a family that includes the “The comeback shirtdressesis flashbacks bfne in The tinuing trends in women's wear: the resurgence of dresses and the evplution ofshirts. Y ‘The shirtdress is the next gener: ‘ me sure enough, saw a fence made of bull horns that wasalmost finished. “Now you see bow old I am,” the bull said, “and last night was her nest, it was empty. She was so angry, she told everyone she could find ‘about that Old Hawk of Achili the coldest night I ever felt. But go and about Old May Night, and ask the Blind Salznon in the River about this. He’s older than 1. He may shed some light on the story your young one has told.” ever since that time, eve knowsthe tale of Old May Night, the coldest night in May ever known. Bartender Magazine tightwadspoll Bankers, the poll indicates, are close behind. At the top ofthe besttippers list: Bartenders, service personnel and hair stylists. “Lawyers are now thought to be stingier tippers than doctors because there are more lawyers than ever and less work,” says Bartender mag publisher Ray Foley. “Why hairstylists are third among big tippers after bartenders and waitresses and other service personnel is they take care ofthose who live on tips.” Compiled by Marc Schogol of the Philadelphia Inquirer from wire reports and other sources: Write to him at the Philadelphia Inquirer, P.O. Box 8263, Philadel- phia, PA 19101. pay for the boorishness and dishonesty of others? I would appreciate your comments on this. — Winnetka, Calif., Observer Dear Winnetka: You have informed the store manager — that’s enough. Twenty-five years ago, I might have suggested that you say something to the cookie thing, and we hope you will setth: it. “Gina” insists that whenever you invite guests to dinner at your home, you should always ask if they have any special food restrictions (diabetic, allergies, salt-free, vegetarian, kosher, etc.). I say it’s the guest’s responsibility to inform not today. Too many people carry knives and guns these days. My advice is M.Y.0.B. Meanwhile, if your children are with you, let them know that they guests to dinner, I get to pick the the hostess of specific food restricI've seen people open packages of nibbler or the grape pincher, but tionsif there are any. When I invite as if it were perfectly OK to do so. What's even worse is that they do this in the presence oftheir children. They may not realize it, but they are teaching their children to shoptift. The store managers I have informed about thisjust shrugtheir shoulders and raise faces. Is it fair that decent people should have to should never eat anything in a equal enthusiasm for Suva as do makers of trendier lines such as BCBG, Shelli Segal’s Laundry and Leon Max's Max Studio. The beauty of a classic like the shirtdress is its power to expectations. In shimmering silk shantung, it's the working woman's update of the sheath. In cineJone it’s the sultry substi- Hands-on Classes fox Kids We would appreciate your opinion. — Curious in Northampton, Mass. Dear Curious: You win this otherwise is the sameas stealing. Dear Ann Landers: Mysignifi- do have special juirement cant other and I disagree on some- should inform the host or hoste when the invitation is the feels it will be by Cathy Guisewite ip for the hostess,- it ROOM. THERE ARE! | THATS Mi SARCEN NAME ‘LOTS OF CONVERAND THATS His "HI SATIONS GOING “Ht TO me! SEE?? are poised for term acceptance. The look aeis prominent among high-end and more moderate collections, Designers whose customers are fashion sophisticates — Jil Sander, rook Lauren and Calvin Klein — menu. store unless they payfor it. To do ee “TVSAN ONUNE | /”SEE? THEREIS. HE PUBLIC CHAT || HIS SCREEN NAME Fashion focusesonreturn of the shirtdress By VALLI HERMAN looked around that big field and, Faithful reader shares Home Rulesto live by Agnes, editorial director of Web- | Datlas Moming News slip dress, the polo-shirt dress and sheath dress, each a top-seller "Every season has its dress. This the in its debut season, The shirt, spring. the latest in dresses is shirts. whether oversized white cotton or (The best new dress ae oe fitted knit pique, has been a retiapproachin warm weather, able basic that sustained women shirtdress, iceae the essential eléments of shirts: button-down placket fronts, crisp cuffs and patch pockets. But many skip the predictable shirt-weight cotton fabrics in favor of supple jersey, suede, retro polyester and —‘ hustration by Jalian Giltand Mother Eagle flew to the field and there she found the bull. She told him her story, and he shook his head. “I've been here for thousands of years,” he said. “Every year twohorns have fallen off me. and they've been used tobuild this fence you see.” Mother Eagle free myself. At daybreak the Old Hawk of Achi!! came flying past. He flew downand pecked at the ice with his beak and made a hole for me, but he pecked out my eye in the meantime, and that’s why I’ve hadonly one eye since that time, “T tell you, sure as I know,it was that Old Hawk of Achill in your nest last night and not your ownlittle young one. Only the Old Hawk and | could tell you about Old May Night,” the blind salmon said, and swam away. Mother Eagle flew home as fast as she could, but when she reached Many workers favorthe idea of a flat tax when you send your kid off to anyway. she will come home for Thanksgiving sporting a newtattoo. “A higher percentage of our business is college students. It has been gradually growing,” says Ken water, so she flew downto the bank and called to him. “Did you feel the cold last night?” she asked. Q Sars WhenI attended a conference in “he amphitheater near Zion Caiyon National Park this week, we be a ae ee Day: Horse sensé is the ability to say “nay” before barn iaree . |