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Show 4 Emery County Progress Castle Dale, Utah Tuesday November 28, 2000 Commentary CONFUSED j Grab your shovel, lets dig a canal j j j j It has utmost been one your since the United States officially gave the Panania Canal to Panama. 1 feel it's high time we build ourselves another canal, a canal for the 21st Century' you illicit say. The only tiling we have to figure out is where and when to build this greut new canal. Well, have an idea on the subject. I didn't come up with this brilliant idea all on my own, I had the help of two very important people in my life. One of them was my daughter, the other one was Bugs 1 j j j i Bunny. On Sunday night was rewarded with one of those rure moments parents live for: my children were in the same room, they were not trying to dismember each other, blackmail each other, or attemptinga military coup on the household. They were actually playing together nicely, being polite and enjoying each others comI pany. The house was quiet and jx'ace-fu- l. mind-numbin- By Tim Huber ot cold-blood- animals stored in the refrigerator generally exhibit little or no movement. 2. Be Able To Supply Their Own Food. It takes a hardy animal to survive at the Phillips' house. Our cat learned how to open a bag of cat food on it's owm. Since then, w e just leave a bag of cat food outside every' few months, and the eat serves itself. However, this technique didn't work nearly as well with our goldfish. 3. Be Able To Clean Up After Itself. This pretty much eliminates any animal that doesn't know how to use indoor plumbing and dishwasher. 4. Have Meticulous lYrsonal Grooming Habits. Any animal that doesnt clean itself on a daily basis is automatically disqualifies. Animals that drink from the toilet, mark their territory with urine, or spray predators with substances are also unwelcome in my home. 5. Be A Good Companion For The Young, Human Males. This involves sensing when the young, human males are near and having the brains to run away from them. The movie, The Incredible Journey" is loosely based on foul-smelli- HOME MADE Gifts to showjove every day By PAULA WELLNITZ In our American scene, storekeepers come to work the day after Thanksgiving hoping there will be a huge group of people that will be shopping for Christmas presents that day. They also hojx. there will be a steady flow of customers from then through distinctly remember one episode, I POLITICALLY CORRECT body-slamm- 1 mind-numbi- which was the seed for my grand new Ianama Canal idea. In this episode Bugs Bunny was leing chased by Elmer Eudd. or perhaps it was Yosemite Sam, I can't remember for sure. But I do remember that at one point Elmer (or Yosemite) was in Florida and ol' Bugs Bunny gt himself a big ACME Hand Saw and he cut Florida aw ay from the rest of the country and it floated aw ay. This seems like a grand idea to me. Now I am not quite so lost in my own fantasy world that I believe Florida would actually float away if we cut it off w ith a saw (I don't think the ACME Company really makes a saw that biganyw ay), but if w e wore to dig a really deep canal, may lx w e could get ourselves a couple of million pry bars and push the state aw ay. Which would be a gxxl thing I think. Now the Panama Canal Uxik 10 years to dig. but I think we can dig ourselves the Florida Canal a lot faster. For one thing, we've got Ix equipment then they had back then. For another w e've gt far bet-- , ter motivation.. The Phnumu canal was dug to provide a more direct waterway between the Atlantic and thePacific. Pretty gxd motivation! guess. But consider this: Bight now we've git the majority of our lawyers in Florida and quite a fewof our as well. If we get cracking on this right away we could push the whole lot of them aw ay on the Isle of the Confiwd Voters and lx done with it once and for all. I don't think it would take even dose to 10 years to get it done. But then, w ith the w ay tilings are going, we've probably got plenty of time to dig the Florida Canal anyw ay. But just in case, I rveommend we all buy ourselves a shovel and take a holiAn opday on the Florida lxirdi-portunity like this doesn't come along every day I love animals. Humans are my favorite animals; then, zx) animals, next; wild animals; next, animals that can kill me; and, finally, xts. I have been raisingthree wild, human males since my wife brought them home from the hospital several years ago. All three have exhibited unusual feeding habits and have often manifested bizarre, irrational behavior. Many times, I have considered returning them to the hospital, and tradingthem for different specimens, or even a different species. In the end, my wife has always intervened on their lx half. Given my limited success in raising humans, it always seemed foolish to try raising any other animals. Its not that I haven't tried. When I was a boy, I pleaded with the humans w ho raised me to let me have a pet. After years of begging, they finally relented and bought me a dog. As sikiii as my parents showed me the new puppy, I fell instantly in love. Alas, my love was unrequited. My dog went to great extremes to avoid me. Much to our neighbors chagrin, he would slide under, dig under, or even jump over our back yard fence. At first, I felt spurned. Later, however, I discovered that my early infatuation with the dog had faded. After a few months, my cute, little lovable puppy had metamorphosed into a grotesque mutant. I soon had little or no desire to spend time with the monster, as we all started calling him. Sometimes I would forget to fix'd him; sometimes I would forget his name; sometimes I would forget to throw his dog poop into the neighbors yard. One day, the monster, with the desperation of a condemned prisoner, tixik a thirty foot run at the it at full speed. fence and le left behind a six-fogap in our new fence as he made his escape to freedom. I never saw my dog again; although I am sure we could have found him if anyone in my family would have actually made the effort to look. After that experience, I decided that in order for any animal to join my family it must: 1. Be Extremely Lethargic. Animals that hibernate eleven months of theyear make great pets. Also, d, so Instead of watching our Sunday evening fare of cartoons and television shows I decided to turn the television to someg the thing far more news. eveningcable While I was throwing in the 29th load of laundry into the washer for the day my daughter came rushing in quite excited. Who are you for again?" Who am I for whut?" Ebr president. So I told her and she informed me that George W. Bush had just won. 1 went and watched television for a few moments and tried to explain to my daughter that yes, while it may apfxar that Mr. Bush had won, the whole matter was going to court. Why?" she asked. Because Ixith sides have lawyers I guess." My daughter shrugged and went back to play with her brother. Which is when I started thinking about Bugs u lot of carBunny. Now I watt-lietoons w hen I was a kid. still do as a matter-of-fac- t, they make a lot more sense to me than the reul world. I j , By BRAD PHILLIPS By JAMES L. DAVIS j Waited: Low mairDteraainice petis Christmas. The buying and wTappingand sendingorbringing of gifts is much of w hat most people think of as preparation for Christmas. They often do not make the connections as to why anyone gives gifts. There are a couple of ways a family could do it to remember the "w hy" so it will lie a real time of preparation during the four weeks before Christ mus. One of them, I think some people do in a slightly different way. That one is, what is calk'd Kristkindl" in Germany, where it originates. In this custom, each in the family picks the name of another family member, and keeps that name a secret. Each does something special everyday duringthe time before Christmas for that person. Then at Christmas, each gives the Kristkindl person a small homemade gift or card and tells him or her w ho you arc. Before Christmas, each may wonder who it is that has their name. Each can do some special things for the other, too, so no one w ill be sure. In the second experience, each makes up a gift certificate. You give one to each person in your family. On it you offer to do something for that person that you think would be helpful for that one; that he or she w ould like. It might be something like takingtheir turn at dishes, deaningthe garage or bathroom, sayingyou will read a Ixxik to them, give a hug, etc. Be creative. The certificate can lx? done up in a decorated envelope or gift package. This will develop thoughtfulness and attentiveness to one anothers needs and likes that hojiefully will Ik carried on after Christmas. It will lea reminder when each person presents their gift certificate for redemption. ts, to continue to lixik for ways to show love by everyday the real-lif- e story of a cat and a dog that traveled over 500 miles. In the movie, the animals are trying to return to their owner. In they were trying to get away from my kids. I think these are reasonable standards. ' Of course, the human males my wife ' brought home from the hospital rarely comply with any of these rules, except the " first one. In all honesty, I sometimes have a little trouble myself. I guess its time I learned how to use the dishwasher. , real-lif- e, LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Desert Lake am writing to the people in Emery and Carbon County who were born or lived in Desert Lake or Victor. My great grandparents (Winder and Mills) were among the early settlers in Desert Lake. My grandfather was the first male baby born in Desert Lake. My mother (Ada Winder Willson) was reared in Desert Lake until she married in 1931. I am collecting all the Information I can of the life of these two towns and their people. If you are a person born In either of these towns or lived there, I would love to hear from you. Also, if you had ancestors who lived in Desert Lake or Victor I would appreciate any information you could send me. I am interested in any family histories of this area I am also interested in stories that happened in these communities, the building of the communities and the reasons people moved away. I am compilings list of all who lived there. I already have a good record of the Victor cemetery and the graves in Thayn Field. But I would like a story about any of these people who are buried there so they . become more than just names. Send any Information you are willingto share to: I Responsible Parties In response to last week's article on cigarette sales in Emery and Carbon counties, one reader had this to say: I would like to know wrhen is it the parents responsibility to stop kids from smoking, not the under paid clerks in the stores? Where do the kids get the money to purchase cigarettes? Ellen Russell Cleveland Great Show We wish to congratulate the Emery and Green River High Schools for the extraordinary performance of Guys and Dolls. We saw the production last Monday evening. We have seen several performances of this fine musical. How ever, this is the best performance we have seen. Our hat goes off to all who were involved. Especially, we wish to express our appreciation to the individuals who were in charge of this production. You, as well as the cast did a great job. It is wonderful when our high schools can take part in such a fine production together. Lana Christian VVame & Zenna Linton P.O. 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