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Show The Humorof the Candidates (Continued from page 16) game, he discovered a short cut to his suite BEFORE Men...say goodbye to gray hair! Another little-known facet of the Goldwater personality is his tendency to clown. Once in a while he turns up dressed in a Western string tie, a cowboy hat—and an evening jacket. He haselicited a big laugh the President told this anecdote: “In 1861 a certain Texan left to join the rebels, telling his neighbors he’d return soon. The fight, he said, would be easy ‘because we can lick those damyankees with broomsticks.’ Two years later, he re- turned bedraggled, and neighbors wanted to know what happened. ‘The trouble was,’ he said, ‘the damyankees wouldn't fight with broomsticks!’” When the occasion warrants it, the with a blue shirt, white attached collar, President can take a jocose dig at his opponents, He once likened the verbal dexterity of Sen. Everett Dirksen, the Re- All over America, men are raving about “RD”— the new,easy, sure way to tone down your gray hair...even to completely conceal it. And, without changing your natural hair color! and red tie—noting that he’s an All-Ameriean citizen. publican minority leader, to— that—of a -schoolteacher applying for a job in the hill Onthe theory that the best way to fight country : “Questioning the teacher, a mem- You'll find that “RD’s” unbelievable results are so gradual. . . $0 natural-lookifig, that :no dne_suspects you're using anything. Day by day, you'll see a subtle improvement; until in about 10 days — yourgray hair is no longervisible. Then, to keep that gray away, you continue to use “RD” — only as often as needed. ridicule is to laugh along with it, Goldwater has even contributed his own quips to the lengthening list of jokes about his conservatism. For example: “Many predict I might make our finest Civil War ber of the school board said, ‘There is some difference of opinion in our com- the world is round or. that it’s flat?’ The President.” At a Gridiron Club dinner, he applicant thought a.moment and then re- “RD” does not look artificial, does not rub off, does not streak or run — even when you wash your hair! “RD”is as easy to use as anyotherfine hair dressing. Just rub it in — and comb! won his audience with: “I’m looking forward to residing in the White House, especially since Jacqueline Kennedy has done the place“over in 18th-century décor.” In another form of self-deprecation, Goldwater told me this apocryphal story: “T’m supposed to have gone out to play golf at the Phoenix Country Club, where the pro stopped me. ‘Sorry,’ said the pro, ‘only gentiles can play here.’ And I am supposed to havereplied, ‘Can’t I play nine holes? I’m only half-Jewish.’ “Of course, nothing like that ever happened becauseI waspresident of the club.” As for President Johnson, he often in- plied, ‘I can teach it either way.’” So men, don’t let gray hair handicap you. Don’t let gray hair make you look older than youare. Today—get “RD”...and get a “new lease onlife”. Shrinks Hemorrhoids a , which led through the hotel basement. There, he picked up a janitor’s glove heavily—eoated with grease. Donning it, he walked into his suite and suddenly proffered his gloved hand to a friend waiting to greet him. The greased friend reportedly took the prank cheerfully. New Way Without Surgery FALSE TEETH. 7 eee) this Amazing #7 Soft Cushion STOPS ITCH — RELIEVES PAIN Forthefirst time science has found a new healing substance with the astonishing ability to shrink hemorrhoids andto relieve pain—without surgery. In case after case, while gently relieving—pain,—actual—reduction (shrinkage) took place. 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Smoothplastic band wraps around toe, stays on when you bathe, can’t snag hose. Ask for Blue Jay Plasters by name. that a tailor, hired to make two suits for Johnson, had called up to. ask what should be done about them. “Tell him to go ahead with ‘the blue suit,” LBJ instructed. “We can use it no matter what happens.” Like Senator Goldwater, the President can take a ribbing in stride. Last May, when he was kidded about his fast driv- ing a card game when one of the boys looked across the table and said, ‘Now, Franzblau said: dinner, he urged a gathering of businessmen to help keep prices down and assured them he was asking labor leaders to do the same about wages. Then he said: “I will lay the cards out just as straight for them as I do for you. That way, everyone will know the score. Like the conversation dur- Reuben, play the cards fair, I know what I dealt you.’” 0 SHOW that you can push some things STOP CORN PAINFAST! RESIDENT JOHNSON is capable, too, of P jokes that may seem trifle grim. About 10 days after his heart attack, Lady Bird came to his hospital room to report ing, he remarked: “When lightning struck Lady Bird’s plane out in Cleveland the other day, it scared us for a moment—but a lot of good has come.out of it. Now she is willing to drive with me again.” What do these samples of LBJ and BMG humor add up to? A New York psychiatrist, to whom examples of the candidates’ yarns and jests were submitted, offered a cautious interpretation. Dr. Abraham N. OYSTEX at drugwists. Feel better fast. WOMEN! munity about geography, and we want to know where you stand. Do you think that just so far, President Johnson likes to recall an incident he says happened to the late Sen. Tom Connolly of Texas, a long- winded orator: “In a speech down home, the Senator started out talking about the beautiful piney woods of east Texas, moved on through the bluebonnets and out to the plains and down through the hill country to the Gulf Coast. When he got all around the state, he started all over again about “Both of the candidates have the quality of being able to stand back and see themselves with a certain detachment. They can view themselves as fallible, instead of as ‘the Big I Am.’ Both are capable of spotting humorin a tense situation, of relaxing and relieving tensions in others.” According to Dr. Franzblau, Goldwater appears to be usinghis self-deprecating jokes as a charming way of disarming the opposition, undercutting criticism, and beating the other man to the punch. As for the President, the psychiatrist believes that LBJ’s folksy yarns aré homilies, used to communicate a truth. those beautiful piney woods and bluebon- Whowill have the last laugh? After the nets. Finally, a little old fellow got up in the back of the room and yelled out: ‘The ballots are counted Nov.3, one of the can- next time you pass Lubbock, how about letting me off?’” In explaining why huge funds were needed for the missile race with Russia, ; maz KENDALLcomrany BAUER & BLACK DIVISION CORN PLASTERS 18 Family Weekly, October 18, 1964 didates will have’ need ‘of his sense of humor. He might well recall the classic quip of Adlai Stevenson after his second defeat, in 1956: “A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House ., .” |