Show WARTIME WAR TIME WOE AND FUN copyright and all rights reserved by goffrey williston Willi Bion christine for years past ever since the close of the late civil war in fact I 1 have asked every great gener general generalou alof of both the northern and southern armies whom I 1 have met to jot down for me in his own words what he considered the funniest and also the saddest incident that had come under his observation arising from our great conflict this request was kindly complied with and it was thus that the appended symposium was obtained the last of the contributions comprising it having been received from the th late gen sherman only a few months before his death doubtless some of these anecdotes may have been related by their present narrators to other correspondents prior to their publication here and thus may have t been een previously published but so far as I 1 know this is their first appearance in print as it most certainly is in their present attractive form over the signatures of the distinguished gentlemen now telling them GOFFREY WILLISTON WlL LISTON CHRISTINE geu gen haest it was in a field hospital within whose canvas walls many of our brave boys lay wounded and dying among them mire were two comrada who were more like damon and pythias than any other two men anen I 1 ever knew in real life they had been born and bred in the same town had enlisted at the same time and had never been separated for a moment since they first donned uncle sams blue uniform I 1 ant am sure that either would gladly have laid down his lif life e for the other they had both been slightly wounded before the one having received a bayonet thrust in the left arm and the other having had the index and middle fingers of his right hand shot away now as they lay side by side their injuries are ot of a much more serious character er the surgeon looked grave as he turned from one to the other and the gravity of his expression deepened ashe s he concluded his second examination then as was his custom for he held it a physicians duty to inform a patient of the tahe true state of his case he told them plainly but not without feeling that ibe they both had but a few minutes to live ml AU right said one faintly but firmly we will die together as I 1 always hoped we would 1 I want to go if tom goes murmured the other said give me your hand dear old boy said tom and his companion reached out his left hand the dying man grasped the extended hand but finding it whole and ei he cast it from him saying no no not that hand I 1 want the one partly shot away on the battlefield his comrade extended his wounded hand and tom his eyes fast glazing in death clasped it and felt for the stumps of the missing fingers this is the hand I 1 want he exclaimed and raising it to his lips his spirit passed without a struggle his friend by a great effort raised his head and looked at his dead comrade seeing that he was no more he uttered a loud cry and the two friends were reunited in death old jaek jack jae k there was no better more loyal or more fearless soldier than old jack buddin but he had one fault and that was an overweening over fondness for the whisky bottle or rather for its contents he had a boon companion whose real name I 1 never knew but every one called him uncle si while in camp old jack was taken ill of a fever and despite the unremitting attention of uncle si died the corpse developed an unusual rigidity after death and a strange tendency to fly up into a sitting posture accordingly on the night be tore fore its burial it was stretched out at full length upon a board resting upon two wooden trestles with its head and feet tied down by ropes old uncle si insisted upon watching the remains oi his dead friend shortly after midnight he became very thirsty and stepped out to a neighboring butlers sut lers to procure a drink during his somewhat protracted absence two large cats found their way into the tent containing the remains of poor old jack and when uncle si returned he was naturally indignant at seeing these felines sitting on the corpse one at the head the other at the feet seizing a billet billea of wood from the ground le he aimed a powerful blow with it at the pussy sitting at the head it missed its mark end and struck and severed the rope holding down the head of the corpse which immediately flew up into a sitting posture seizing the dead man by the shoulders and forcing him back into a recumbent position uncle si exclaimed in an aggrieved tone darn ye e old man lie down dow ill and kep keep quiet ill ill attend to the cats U S GRANT oen gen lees ra eathelle thelle many ot of the most beautiful and pathetic incidents of the war occurred after it was all over at a hotel in washington in 1868 a gentleman whose face I 1 could not remember exactly though it seemed strangely familiar introduced himself and asked permission to present me to his mother a singularly beautiful old lady of queenly and dignified bearing to whom he said mother let me present to you gen R E lee ot of the late confederate army whose sober thrust gave me this scar scar on my right cheek and who bears the mark of a I 1 gave him the beau beautiful tiNt old tidy ady threw her arms around my neck an and wept on my shoulder in that tender embrace and in the fervent clasps clasp j of that federal officers hand and mine we buried the animosities of the war forever his HB most MOB humorous one of the most devoted adherents the southern cause ever had was col M no matter how thick and black disaster lowered upon our arms the colonel never saw anything but brightest hope and absolute surety of success in in the near future in fact he might not inappropriately have been styled the caleb balderstone of the confederate army for just as the original caleb was always representing his master as bein being 9 in the most affluent and prosperous circumstances cum stances and inventing the most in genious lies to make it appear so the colonel constantly represented the resources of the southern people to be limitless in the same clever fashion at length when defeat stared us plainly in the face and my surrender to gen grant was inevitable a y young un off iter deliberately hinted to the colonel colonel that perhaps his confidence in the ultimate success of our arms which was till as boastful as ever might be just a trifle overweening the th colonel looked at him for a moment with an expression in which contempt N anger horror and amusement struggled lor for the mastery then with hands uplifted hair standing on ends and eyes flashing fire he hel roared out at the discomfited lieutenant in the voice of a stentor dam I 1 upi api niagara falls with tissue paper bottle i up the atlantic ocean in a whiskey flask paste to let on the sun and moon catch a flash of light lightning nin id between your thumb and finger b u a worm fence around a winter supply of summer weather harness a thunderbolt to a sulky waft all the clouds out of the sky with a ladys fan saddle and ride a hurricane fasten a dishcloth to the tell tail of a comet pack apall the stars in a beer keg knock a tornado out of time with your fist put hades to cool in a spring house put the sky in your pocket unbuckle the bellyband belly band of eternity but never never allow yourself to fancy that the poor little insignificant north can ever whip the great sou southern confederacy R E LEB what uen gen bherman w one of the most magnificent specimens of manhood I 1 ever saw was a soldier who was constantly laughing at the poor lel fellows lows who became fatigued lati iati gued after long marches or who sank under seemingly trifling wounds his cour age health and strength seemed in vui cible one day a heavy projectile from the cannon what we call a spent ball came rolling along the temptation to put out ones foot and stop such a ball was almost irresistible the soldier I 1 have mentioned yielded to it with a merry smile he put out his foot and in an instant that member was cut off and he sank to the ground a maimed shattered cripple for life weeping like a child at his awful misfortune old Te rumps funniest I 1 think the funniest incident I 1 observed during the civil war were some of those that occurred among the colored people during my march from atlanta to the sea many of the negroes hailed the coming of the yankees baw bringing i agn i ng the frie freedom edom of the colored people with them as a certain indication of the immediate approach of the judgment day and the end of the world consequently there was great religious excitement among the darkies and by many of their preachers protracted or di revival meetings were held the incidents that occurred at some ot of these meetings beggar description I 1 remember on one occasion the preacher tried lis his utmost to induce one big buck negro to come to the mourners bench but without avail at length losing all patience tience he exclaimed by de fir holy coly apostle de gohd ob de gohd shall done smite dat culled man and suiting the action to the word h he felled the buck senseless to the ground by a tremendous blow on the head delivered with ith a ponderous volume of the scriptures W T SHERMAN joe johnsons Job naona yarns perhaps the most touching incident arising in connection with the war that Is now recall came to my notice on a railway train which also bore as a passenger er the very pretty young wife of a I 1 grave brave soldier who by daring bravery had secured promotion from the ranks to a confederate captaincy his wife whom he had was a pennsylvania girl married and taken to his southern home just before the breaking out of the war he was one of the first to enlist in the confederate army and in order to devote himself wholly to the cause he sent his wife at the first boom of the guns at fort sumter back to her parents in in pennsylvania to remain until the great struggle was ended now in 1866 she was on oll her way south to rejoin her husband and place in his arms their four year old daughter whom he had never seen it was not long before all the passengers knew the romantic story of the pretty little woman and her beautiful child and there was not a man amongst us who did not feel a tender protecting An interest terest in both there never was a woman whose heart was more full of love and joy she could do nothing but talk of the captain and wonder if he had changed so that she could not recognize him or if he would not be able to recognize her then she would fall to wondering if he would know his little daughter by her resemblance to himself if he met her in the street which as he had aad never laid eyes on her scarcely seemed probable throughout that i long jong days ride we all entered most heartily into th that at dear little wom comans womans an s hopes fears doubts and joys and shared them to such an extent that we were quite as anxious to see the captain as she was we reached our journeys end and before the train had fairly stopped a tall elegantly proportioned handsome fellow of 27 came bounding into our car the little woman gave such a scream of joy as I 1 shall never forget and in less time than I 1 can tell it was standing in the car aisle clasped in the young soldiers manly arms while tears of joy unutterable coursed down their b dutiful young faces as their lips met for my own part my own eyes eves were so full of of blinding moisture that I 1 could see nothing when the proud and happy oung wife and mother led her husband ar for the first time to the place where their little child lay sleeping ml file moat lanoble Lanh ble in one of the early battles of the war in the hottest part of the action I 1 felt my coat tails pulled by a young fellow whom I 1 recognized as having been engaged in a tobacco fa factory tory prior to the enlistment why are you not fighting in your pi place ace I 1 asked angrily well I 1 just wanted to tell you boss that it if you dont mind I 1 think ill take my time off today tody JOSEPH SEPH E JOHNSTON two good ones from P coridan two sold soldiers ierg of the opposing armies engaged in a hand to hand band st struggle amid smoke so thick that their laces faces were unrecognizable each received and inflicted a mortal wound the smoke cleared away and each recognized his brother tom harryt harry passed like pistol shots and they fell forward and died in each others arms A lauah maker M cpr once in camp myself and my brother officers fell desperately in love with a female voice which we used to hear si singing neing at night it was simply angelic an and resolved to see the singer we followed its sound through thickets and ravines till we came to a lonely cabin whence the singing proceeded creeping n up to the window I 1 peered in and befeld beheld a fat greasy middle aged ne barefooted and clad in a sinie single garment of dirty calico browning co coffee ee e with a long iron spoon while she gave vent to the sweetest notes I 1 have ever heard in my surprise I 1 staggered forward with a noise that attracted her attention grasping her coffee skillet and waving it around her head she bawled out gway from deah white man ef yo dont ill frow ais dis yeah bryin pan right at yo head P H SHERIDAN what maddened and pleased ll aRd admiral porter at the death bed of my friend col H I 1 witnessed what I 1 think was at once the most touching incident of the war it was some years 1 after the great conflict and the colonel had long employed as his childrens governess v erness a young southern girl of great to beauty e a uty and refinement As fis I 1 stood with his wife py by his dying bed he called this girl to him told her how he had killed her father a confederate conle conte captain in a hand to hand conflict having recognized her by her resemblance to her parent and by y hiis his miniature which she wore in in a bocket handing hanging brorn from a chain about her neck an and asked her forgiveness 1 I have nothing to forgive she answered you only did your duty and if you have deprived me of my father you have filled his place with one last supreme effort the colonel placed her hand in that of his wife whispered our daughter and was dead A funny incident lneida nt I 1 once asked a friend who had tough fought t all through the war if he had ever killed a man that he positively knew of yes said he remorsefully one at cebull run I 1 ran at the first fire A rebel chased me for io 10 miles and was then so exhausted that he dropped dead DAVID D CR |