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Show OPINION THE UNIVERSITY JOURNAL FRIDAY, JANUARY 5, 1996 SOUTHS: TIN UTAH UlSUVFRi 11Y It was another banner year for Beehive state. Governor Mike Leavitt continued to tout economic growth in the state (ie; The new Micron company will use and waste thousands of gallons of unreplaceable water to wash just one computer chip. Citizens near the proposed site are just discovering that means less water for them and drastic drought problems within 15 to 20 years.) Infamous Utah politicians introduced several bills to Congress demanding that it be made illegal to bum the flag (a symbol of the freedom of free speech), have pressed for the management turn over of all federal lands in Utah to the state, and submitted a "peoples'" bill (a bill for large oil corporations, the mining industry, lumber interests and ranchers) for 1.8 million acres of wilderness when the majority of citizens overwhelmingly supported from between 2.3 and 5.7 million acres. By the way, did you know that the Olympics are coming to Utah? They are. ..in the year 2002, and the committee better start praying that there will be snow a lot of it. Someone forgot to tell the international committee that Utah is a desert and doesn't have snow every year. That will become another headache when there isn't any snow and the resorts have to use all the water to make snow. The fun doesn't stop there, though. ..the luge and speed skating rinks are expected to draw phenomenal debts not more money. That means that the Olympics won't be as big a supporters have convinced money maker as all the green-eye- d themselves it will be. Oh.. .and there's one more thing to remember the one story that put Utah on the front page of every national publication for a month. Yes, it's Enid. The Enid who, when questioned about her election funds, during her infamous campaign said "Well, Rod Decker. ..we've been truly blessed." The same intelligent corporate lawyer who pled that it was her husband's fault because, she was, after all, only a woman. (Never mind the fact that if a man had pled innocence and blamed his wife he would have been laughed out of Washington, and forget the fact that by taking no responsibilities for her own actions she contributed to the destruction of the respect in politics that women have fought for years to build.) Though the media gave Enid almost as much coverage as the doctored wilderness bill, and a little less than the O.J. trial, she's and all the managed to slip through the cracks of self-pit- y d supporters. generous sympathy of her Overall, a very interesting year for all of us in the Beehive state. die-har- Heather Green is a senior history major from Salt Lake City. UNIVERSIT N2 Y LJU SOUTHERN UTAH UNIVERSITY PROFESSIONAL STAFF AND DESK PHONE NUMBERS: Editor Larry Baker 5867751 Jim Robinson 586 1997 Campus Editor Neil Gardner 586 7753 Consulting Sports Editors Brett Jewkes 2 Kellie S Lee man 865 8045 Assistant to the Editor Jennifer Morley STUDENT STAFF AND DESK PHONE NUMBERS: Associate Editor 0 Enc Roderick Opinion Director Curry Edwards Sports Editor Tim Maxwell 586 5488 Arts Editor Jennifer Durcan 586 5488 Advertising Manager Trevor Clements Classified Ad Ass't Laquetta Carpenter AP Wire Editor JoAnn Lundgreen Copy Editor Amanda Packard Photo Editor Lonnie Behunin University Journal is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday of the academic year as a publication of Southern Utah University, its department of communication and the SUU Student Association The views and opinions expressed in the Journal are those of individual wnters and do not The necessarily reflect the opinion of the Journal or any entity of the university Letters to the editor must be typed and include the name and phone number Only the name will be printed. Names will not be withheld under any circumstances and the editor reserves editing privileges Letters must be submitted by noon Fndays for Monday editions, Tuesdays for Wednesday editions and Thursdays for Fnday editions. Grievances: Any Individual with a grievance against the Journal should direct such problem first to the editor. If unresolved, that grievance should then be directed to the Journal Steering Committee, which is chaired by The secretary ia Lois Bulloch, Dr Pram G Pearson, University Jamtab Offices m SUU Technology Building 003. Mail at SUU Bax 9384, Cedar City, Utah 84720. FAX . adrireag jnmnaMfcnnLfAi JjPRINTED ON RECYCLED PAPER PLEASE RECYCLE THIS COPY LEON SATTERFIELD COMMENTARY Gender equity confronts genetic destiny "I just want you to know," I say to my wife, "that despite my new nose and clipper, I have no immediate plans to desert you for a ear-ha- ir younger woman." I have this nifty new battery-operate- d gadget for clipping hair from my nose and ears. It's a small enough kind of miniaturized weed-eate- r to clear out the excess nasal and auricle foliage and it makes me look 30 years younger. "Oh?" my wife says, not looking up from her crossword puzzle. "I want to reassure you," I sav, "that despite my new youthful appearance, I am not at this time contemplating trading you in on a newer model." She puts down the puzzle and looks at me. I brace myself for the extravagant gratitude she's about to lavish on me. Instead, she laughs. "I've made you very happy," I say. "Haven't I?" "Let me get this straight," she says after she catches her breath. "You think just not having hair growing out your nose and ears will make you attractive to some bimbo who hasn't yet discovered the effect of gravity on the body?" "Everybody knows," I say, "that the male of the species becomes more attractive to the younger female as he gracefully ages. It's natures way of keeping the gene pool from getting dumb. My clipper is just helping me fulfill nature's intent. Its no big deal." She guffaws, convulses and gets teary-eye"See, it's right here in the paper," I say. "Clint Eastwood's young girlfriend just had a baby. He's 64, you saw how that young woman in 'Line of Fire' couldn't resist him." d. She wipes her eyes and goes back to the crossword puzzle. "What's a word for macho senility?" she asks. "It's not macho senility," I say. "It's genetic destiny. I settle back, having once more won with my male logic. But she's not finished six-lett- er 'What makes you think the January-Mabusiness only works with old men and young women?" she says. "Barbara Streisand is very friendly with a tennis player less than half her age. Liz Taylor and Cher have found happiness with callow youths. ." "Don't be silly," I say. "Lets talk about something else now." "Remember what the Wife of Bath said," she says. "The best husbands are 'meke, younge, and fresshe What makes you think I might not want to have my way with your hypothetical bimbo's hypothetical brother?" She winks lasciviously. I snort so indignantly that coffee comes out my nose. It's a minute or y so before I can speak. "I'm just glad," I say, "that the children aren't here to listen to their mother talk like that. That's the sickest thing I've ever heard." "Why is it sick when I talk like that?" she asks. "It's perverse," I say. "It's grotesque. It's... it's ERA talk!" woman's libber, "You missed a gray hair growing out of your left ear," she says. "It's twitching." "Gigolo pandering!" I holler. "Cradle robbing! Contributing to the delinquency of a minor!" "There, there," she says, handing me my new clipper. "You go trim up and it'll be all better." I go to the bathroom to get the ear hair I missed, but when I switch on the clipper, it makes a little buzzing noise like a dying drone, then expires. "Oh no," I yell. "I need a recharge, my battery just ran down." There's five seconds of silence while she digests the tragic enormity of that news. Then she speaks. "I wouldn't touch that line," she says, "with a 10-fo- pole." Leon Satterfield teaches college English at Nebraska Wesleyan University. Reprinted with the permission of The Lincoln (Neb.) Star. |