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Show r ,iyyyirrmnrvrrTv,VT,r,,rrr, yrrryrr? 'orr ,rr ,fTi Patrick J. Buchanan Thp Salt Lake Tribune, yy r Saturday, Nevember rfv' r 29, 1975 23 Solution: Bus the Politicians! New York Times Special Features WASHINGTON Last Sunday Sen. George McGovern, defeated Democratic candidate in 1972, flew into Louisville to admonish his rattled party "not to sell its sold on busing. Forced busing of school children, he said, remains "one inescapable remedy of the Constitution for a proven case of bias. Chiding his for the public dialogue to he counseled that, all of us should warn any candidate who turns to the tactics of racial division and fear that in conscience we cannot support him even if he is the nominee. Vintage McGovern It was vintage McGovern '72: make Jackson and the party moderates look like trimmers to the true believers, on the issue of civil rights. In an instant, "abandoning demagogues, Senator Soaper One measure of the changing times is hat you couldn't bribe a baseball player to do a commercial for the kind of money the Black Sox took in 1919 to throw a World Series. i Top scientists agree we could survive a nuclear war. Sure,, and the human mind could probably survive a steady day of television. But that's no reason to try it out. Shotgun Schultz soys ol a friend that he's the type that when he says, "Have a nice day" and invites you for lunch, you have to make a choice. Retailers are optimistic about the coming Christmas season. It will be "ho. ho, ho" again for the department store Santa Claus who last year had to lay off one ho. Football coaches are fond of saying they like to draft an athlete and figure out later what position he can play. Sort of the way Elliot Richardson has been in government. Science keeps producing evidence that Man existed earlier and earlier, but makes up for it by predicting that he is going to disappear sooner and sooner. the old prairie populist was, to the partys liberals, the hero of Louisville. Yet, what is to be said of those delegates to the Democratic Issues Forum who lustily applauded McGoverns defense of this discredited, divisive and detested social policy? Are they our moral betters? Are they men and women with the courage of their convictions, standing their ground upon principle, unwilling to back down in the face of union demonstrators milling about, clubs in hand, outside the locked doors of the Convention Hall? Working Class 1 think not. For the great majority inside that hall, cheering McGovern, were applauding a social policy, the burden of which would not fall upon them and their children, but upon the sons and daughters of the working class. Sen. Kennedy may speak eloquently of integration in the suburbs. But you will not see him over at HUD beating down the doors to get a high-rispublic housing project situated alongside Hickory Hill, or adjacent to his own place on the Potomac. The Democrats on Capitol Hill may talk of the beauties of an integrated lifestyle. But you will find precious few moving their families out of the chic addresses of Capitol Hill, Georgetown. Chevy Chase or Kenwood, over into Anacostia or Turkey Thicket. You Must Be Kidding And if the buses ever roll out of Bethesda and Northern Virginia, to the crime-ridde- n schools east of Rock Creek Park, you may rely upon it; their children will not be aboard. In the matter of integration of the races, the American liberal has not infrequently shown himself as phony and hypocrite. Consider. For decades, academic liberals have nominated the great universities of the Ivy League. But never once have I seen it suggested, for example, that perhaps 200 of the faculty and 2000 of the student body of, say. Harvard University of Cambridge, Mass., be exchanged annually with Howard University in Washington, D.C. On this issue the political left prefers to lead by direction, rather than example. Bear the Brunt Invariably, middle class and working class Democrats bear the brunt of the policies drawn up to soothe the afflicted social consciences of those who cheered McGovern in that assembly hall. When the leadership of the Democratic Party talks of forced integration and busing, you may be sure the discussion is of e, e, other people's neighborhoods and other men's children. And where are the Republicans? Why have they not taken the side of the working man, staked their ground upon freedom of choice, and told Congress and the country that the be they neighborhoods of America WASP, Irish, Italian, Jewish, Catholic, all of the above or none of the above are not there to be rearranged by federal bureaucrats or federal courts, no matter how noble the motivation? Instead, no party has talked more or done less about forced busing, affirmative action, and racial quotas than the national Republicans. A matched pair, the Democratic Party and the Republican Party, the tin soldier and the cowardly lion, unable alone or together to stand up to the terrible Wizard of Oz, the United States Supreme Court. Small wonder the tp appear on the placards of the infuriated citizens of Louisville was that of the Governor of Alabama, George C. Wallace. only-nam- (Copyright) Russell Baker Franco Died New York Times Service YORK When Francisco Franco died he went to the New York - NEW trance Motor Vehicles. of Department At the enad- he dressed a man who was dreaming of quitting time. My name is Francisco he Franco, said. "Start at Win- said the man, who could not have cared less if he had been speaking to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. He had, in fact, sent Mozart to Window One two centuries ago. Francisco Franco went to Window One and waited at the end of a long line. When he got to the front he said, My name is Francisco Franco. Need Certificate! "1 need your Defunct Certificate, a notarized form from your last place of residence stating that all your tax bills dow One, Michael kalian Move Over Medicare, Heres Sports Aid Chicago Tribune And now for the ultimate in weUare recipients: The world of sports. that Yes, the world of sports mindless extravaganza of manly competition and shaving cream commercials that invades your home every w eekend with an endless succession of idiots running, jumpstrangely-dresse- d ing, and falling down as they try to hurl an assortment of balls, pigskins, and pucks through hoops, into nets, between posts, and at each other. you think I've taken an elevator ride without waiting for the elevator or that someone has sneaked hashish into my tobacco pouch. But these are not insane ravings. The sports bailout is not only a possibility, it's actually happening. An agency funded by the federal government has promised $200,000 made up mostly of Small Business Administration and Model Cities funds to the Virginia Squires basketball team. Not as a loan, but a grant. The promise was made by the Norfolk Investment Co., one of 78 p business groups licensed by the SBA to invest in minority enterprises. self-hel- you like to see all that put on the federal dole? How-'- To put it more personally, how would d and you like to see your quickly-snatchetax dollars spent to hard-earne- d Douglass, the fearlessly tumbling quarterback of the San Diego Chargers (0 and 10 for the season) in uniform? How would you like to see money that could go for our vital defense needs or our vital school lunch programs instead lavished on one of those weeping basketball stars who cant bear to face the world at less than $100,000 a year? To put it as bluntly as possible, how would you have liked to have seen the federal government bail out the now defunct World Football League? Doubtless, you would not. Doubtless, Bobby keep l)r. T. K. V The Norfolk firm said it saw nothing wrong with making the grant to a ball team because Congress hasnt any rules against it and the team qualifies as a minority employer because nine of the team's 13 players are black. Also, the team is considered economically disadvantaged because it is losing money. Only Nine Employes could point out that the Congress has no rules against giving money to inventors of time machines or cardboard space ships. I could note that, at the rate of $200,000 for every nine employes, the Ku Klux Klan would be happy to become a minority employer. 1 Instead. I shall merely scream. Scabies Can Hit Anyone ashamed, be-cau- know this is a disease of skid row bums and unclean peodon t unple. derstand whv I should get this because I take a I and hair clothes. Partners You should not feel ashamed. Scabies, which is caused by Sarcopetes scabiei, an itch mite, has been assumed to be a disease of the unclean, but it also d can occur in persons as well. The disease is marked by nocturnal itching and the mite can be identified by microscopic study of the skin scrapings, or by a biopsy of a piece well-bathe- il have established a new federal program Sports-AiAnd, as history tells us. there's no manmade creation on earth as indestructible as a federal program. Remember when the food stamp program was an experimental plan to provide poor children a little extra nourishment and not a means for college students to pad their allowances? Remember when the oil depletion allowance was adopted to encourage struggling oil companies to stay in business? Sports-Ai- could spread like an the ultimate in socialism. d epidemic the 77 other outfits got into the act? There are many other teams in the Virginia Squires league that are hard up for loot. There are baseball, football, and hockey teams in the same shape. As long as theyre economically disadvantaged and maintain a majority of minority employes, why shouldn't they qualify, too? What if ol skin. Care Important There are several medications that are used to treat scabies. However, since the mites spread from one individual to another by personal con in Sex Mites also can be spread by sexual contact. So the sex partners of anyone in the household must also follow these instructions. Since the treatment is uniformly successful, failure to respond usually means that someone did net follow these instructions. In a few rare cases, a secondary infection, or pyoderma, may occur. In these instances, antibiotics may be required to combat the infection. Persistent itching may be due to irritation or sensitivity to the medications used to get rid of scabies. Be patient. With proper treatment w ill go away. I the scabies lusssssessisussseun And Went to New York have been paid and your burial number, said the clerk. "What is a Defunct Certificate?" asked Francisco Franco. "Go to Room 111. commanded the clerk. "Next!" Francisco Franco went to Room 111. A large crowd of people sat on benches waiting for someone to think of them. After two years, F rancisco Franco was called to a desk. "1 seem to need a Defunct Certificate, he said. "So what am 1 supposed to do about it? the clerk demanded. Come to Room 111 "I was told to come to Room 111, said Francisco Franco. "It's not my fault they don't knew said what theyre doing downstairs, the clerk. They should have sent you to Window Seven. Next! Francisco Franco went downstairs to Window Seven and fell into line behind a man in silk knickers and powdered wig. "Aren't you Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?" Francisco Franco asked the man. "No." said the man. "Mozart is still back at Window Five. I'm Alexander Hamilton. The angry voice of iiie clerk at Window Seven interrupted further conversation. The clerk was furious at King Henry VIII for wasting his time by a appearing at Window Seven properly validated statement of the resale value of Tudor England. Go to Window Four VIII was ordered to Window Henry Four. "Anybody else who hasnt got a statement of resale value of real property is wasting my time in this line unless he's been to Window Four, the clerk bawled. Francisco Franco went to Window-Four- . defeated man. "What century outside?" is it Francisco Franco said he thought it was the 21st or 22nd century, and a young woman clerk came over and announced that anyone who did not have a Complaint Authorization form approved by the Commissioner would have to go to Window Two. Francisco Franco went to Window Two and stood in line. A policeman came down the line. "Let me see your line permit, he said. Francisco Franco asked what a line permit was. "The document granting permission to stand in line at Window Two, he said. Francisco Franco said he did not have a line permit. "Then get one at Window Five, said the policeman. Not Mussolini Francisco Franco went to Window-Five"Are you Mussolini?" asked a man in a powdered wrig. "No, said Francisco Franco. "1 am Francisco Franco. "A pleasure, said the man. "1 am Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. i Copy right i Tin; Way Jl Was Here are briefs of news in The Salt Lake Tribune 25, 50 and 100 years ago today: Nov. 29, 1875 If proficiency of our citizens at pigeon shooting is proverbial, but on Thanksgiving Day three experts of the Wasatch Shooting Club treated the lovers of the sport to one of the finest exhibitions of skill ever displayed in the West. Everybody seemed to enjoy the shooting and heaped expressions of upon the experts, except, perhaps, the birds themselves, who, although excellent flyers, and a strong wind prevailing, arose only to fall again without any signs of appreciation. praise "Please give me a statement of the resale value of Franco Spain, he told the clerk. "Do you have a stamped copy ol Form 3774? asked the clerk. "What is that? asked Francisco Franco. Francisco Franco hummed a line from "Cosi Fan Tutte," and was immediately collared by the chief clerk. "Let me see your humming license, he commanded. "I have none. said Francisco Franco. "You will have to get one at Window Eight or face an immediate fine," said the chief clerk. "And as for you, tunesmith, he said to Mozart. "1 want to see your permit to listen to hummed music. Permit Expired Triumphantly, Mozart produced his permit. "Ah ha!" cried the clerk. I thought so. This permit expired 50 years ago. Back to Window' Three you go!" "Listen. said Francisco Franco to I think I get the the chief clerk, message here and 1 am ready to proceed to Hell without further argument." The chief clerk smiled an exceedingly thin smile. Its message lodged like a sliver of ice in the heart of Francisco Franco. "You will need a Hell visa," said the clerk. "Go to Window Six." Nov. 29, 1925 Leon Trotsky, although seriously ill and somewhat down and out politically, gave a characteristical MOSCOW ly pungent interpretation of the Locarno agreements and the part played in their making by the United States, at a meeting of the local Soviet at Kislovodsk, the watering place in the Caucasaus, where the former war chief of the Soviet is trying to recover from catarrh of the stomach. Nov. 29, Window Nine d Spur Pay Raise And, if the weeping basketballers and fearless football tumblers are able to knock down $50,000 and $100,000 a year now. how much would they go after if the federal government was paying the tab? ball League from making a comeback? What would prevent others from starting up a United States League, or a Global League, or an Amalgamated League? As long as it didnt make any money, every high school team in the country could go professional. Nightly news shows would have to be expanded to three hours just to handle the sports. You'd have Monday Night Football every night all night. You know how bad it would be? It would be like having Thanksgiving every day of the year. By Theodore Bernstein , . Everyone they. Duma (she doesn't like to be rclerred to as Mrs. Diana Justus) supports the use of the plural pronoun they or their after a singular antecedent, as in such, sentences as Everyone rose to their At least she hopes she can get feet used to it because she thinks that is the w ay to handle the problem of the lack in English of a sexless pronoun. By coincidence the same mail brought a letter lrom Abbey Shoemaker of Little Rock, Ark., which in effect supports the same position. That letter cites the Oxford English Dictionary, which lists half a dozen English wri . well-know- sV . "That, said the clerk, "is proof that you have been to Window Nine. No one may apply to Window Four without first having appeared at Window Nine. 8 Next! Francisco Franco went to Window-Nine"Francisco Franco, he said. I am making the required appearance at Window Nine. Will you be good enough to give me a stamped Form 3774 so that I may go to Window Four and obtain a statement of the resale value of Franco Spain to take to Window Seven in order to receive a Defunct Certificate so that I begin at Window One? . t . Sound QIF: tcrJ i r - : wwsFwr- Familiar? Can't you see I'm busy eating lunch?" the clerk replied, slamming down the window. Francisco Franco's cool temper snapped. He decided to make a complaint. He went to the Information booth. "Where do I register a complaint? he asked. "Room 217. said the Information clerk. Francisco Franco went to Room 217 and sat on a wooden bench beside a pathetic, defeated man. "Francisco Franco." he said. "Attila the Hun, said the pathetic, ' Enjoy a unique Planned Unit Commumry which will include parks and shopping centers. All homes built on delightful South East Bench View Lots. Schools and Golf Courses are close by! From Bernstein on Words M. 1950 TOKYO Chinese Communist hordes drove a widening wedge down the middle of North Korea Wednesday, compressing the 80 mile United Nations , line in the west to 30. The reds plunged toward the rear of the U.S. Eighth army, threatening its forces north and west of the Chongchon River. The growing wedge also barred aid for the Eighth army from the 10th corps in northeast Korea. self-hel- l) another the next morning and the third that evening. The fourth and final treatment should be on the morning of the third day. In addition, all underclothing and bedding must be washed in hot water. bath every day and am very careful about my 8 tact. it is important that everybody in the affected household be treated, irrespective of whether or not they have svmptoms. The topical agents should be applied four times over the entire body except for the head and scalp. The first treatment should be in the evening of the first day after a warm bath, with 1 am not being an if this interesting little alarmist, for we shall arrangement goes through What would prevent the World Foot- an Delict G.J.. a reader front Atlanta, writes; "My doctor recently told me that 1 had a scabies nute infection. I feel very Screaming or not. I . . . ters who used they or their in similar locutions. Without doubt the use of those pronouns is the popular and conversational solution to the problem, but also without doubt that solution, as Fowler says in "Modern English Usage." is one that "sets the literary man s teeth on edge. Fowler goes on to ask. "Have the patrons of they. etc., made up their minds yet between Everyone was blowing their noses (or nose)' and Eieryone were blowing their noses'?" The advice here is either to reconstruct the sentence to duck the problem or to use him or his, ignoring the masculinity of such pronouns, which is only nominal anyway. 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