Show OUR CHICAGO LETTER OUR oun REGULAR correspondent SHOWS UP SHAMS AND PUNCTURES THEM WITH THE SWORD OF TRUTH I 1 CHICAGO june 1884 editor deseret mows news N bics the republican party has opened the campaign cam laign in dead earnest earliest tile the noise which characterized the national convention bention attends the party arty into the field of battle if the od old saying that EMPTY VESSELS MAKE THE GREATEST SOM SOUND id be true the hollowness of this party must he be something inconceivable to the imagination bands and rockets and fireworks roman can dies chinese lanterns display and bunting all these are not lul tul clent without bringing real artillery captured in some mythical battlefield into play in milwaukee we find salui salutes 0 of f guns and concerts of lococo lve tive ive whistles and oin oln ominous inous bell beli owings I 1 from roin the foghorns fog horns of lake steamers attending the ratification meetings of what used to be called the republican party there may be some bome philosophy in all this pandemonium of sou nd the chinese frighten demons from the path of a dying friend by making a most unearthly noise and by emitting fiendish yells bees are kept in the vicinity ficini ty of the parent hive by the rin ringing 0 of f bells clashing g of cymbals and rattling of old iron perhaps it is on this principle the quasi republicans are exerting themselves so industriously to produce the greatest known volume of sound to frighten democrats and keep recalcitrant pharisees Pharis ees in n the old camp the joyful news comes from milwaukee that snyder a prominent german and what was considered a KICKER has joined the party and delivered himself of a ringing speech when snyder is investigated ile he turns out to be a mr brucker of medford owner of a bank editor of a newspaper and on the whole a man of undoubted financial stability going back a few years we find findur mr brucker was not always editing and banking we find him selling beer and preaching the wildest kind of communism kari karl marks mares or blanqui or Mez in their pal pai palin lest iest days could not approach rucker brucker Ti in socialism and its its kindred subjects ile he would grind up monopolists land grants railroad legislators etc and rive live c every man a good honest living me he grew fat on this doctrine his wallet waxed heavy and very shrewdly he turned over to become a blaine and turned his communistic mu muni money into banking and his talents to lauding flauding the quasi republic can party ile he made a ringing speech all ali hirelings make ringing speeches he is influential so are 0 all ali renegades rene gades fades tades their oratory is convincing w when en a co column I 1 u nan ran of armed police are guarding the rostrum yes brucker made a speech in german and he called his countryman carl schurz it a political tramp and he sai sal said sald blaine aBlaine would make bismarck eat american hog and he said the spoils and office hordes were the best companions for the working men of america from this faction protection could be obtained ile he grew eloquent as he proceeded and some of his old communistic fire returned as he contrasted the work performed by the senate and th the representatives senta tives this session the H house ouse of commons did nothing absolutely nothing would not even give a little money from a plethoric treasury to a poor hungry famishing crowd of officeholders onice office holders who cant contribute a cent to campaign f funds As to living the astute brucker sald said that grocers and butchers would trust but it was cash we wanted for political purposes this the niggardly democratic house withholds v officeholders office holders and camp followers assemble and crush this vile house lie ile continues and contrasts the action of the senate look at what the noble lords have done they have passed bills in abundance their theli paternal solicitude extends even over ovel the MOUNTAIN fastnesses FAST NESSES OF UTAH there they found atly a fly on a barn door and wisely resolved to crush it elles elies are dangerous they walk on orl the ceilings they perform the most supernatural antics and they have been known to take mountains and place them on other mountains like lik like ilke c the gods of old greece ina lna in a word these grave and reverend and dignified fathers have discovered all the baneful balieff ua effects present and pros prospective ec ti i le of this terrible fly and they have hase wisely resolved that THIS FLY must GO or else jeopardize the integrity of the union yes my friends adds the philanthropic brucker this great and venerable body of patricians have solemnly and earnestly passed a ilor dior mormon mon bill you all know what that means weans that is the highest type of morality you all know what mormonism means why these mormons cormons actually support their aged and infirm and bury burt them with rites and ceremonies what a vile economy this Is kill all the aged and skin their corpses and support the young that Is the right philosophy but mormons cormons do worse than this burying buryin their poor kinsfolk kins folk de decently y whon wile n a woman gets old and has no longer riger liger youthful charms these vile mormons cormons insist on maintaining her on terms of equality with the younger women of the community this it will be seen is subversive of all established and accepted lisa ilsa usages oes of higher civilizations we propose to KILL hlll ALL THE till OLD WOMEN get divorces from allethe all ali the ugly olles olies and any of us who are licentious can go to boston and engage in a business which is legitimate and which la Is supported by the dons of beacon hill this business is the traffic of female human female charms this will be no hardship at all to any right thinking person if we vye deprive him of his wives in utah we give him a better chance in boston in boston he need not work nor trouble himself about the weather orthe or the floods he be has only to rent a house and stock it with puritan then enter a church and become a deacon and rank as the projector of alhime maidens the the yankee poet lowell says keel keep up appearances there lies the test the world will give the credit for the rest the bard who condensed all new england philosophy spiritual physical and political into this completa was worthy of a foreign mission and when he supplemented this by saying paying that vice became when well concealed who can blame him for wearing knee breeches I 1 shovel hat and a white necktie neck tie tle the most serious charge against these DIABOLIC MORMONS is the fact and it is attested by unimpeachable pea ea chable chabie evit nesses that these same mormons cormons never expose an infant babe on a doorstep this will never do we must roust have foundling asylums at least in new england or that old stock of the hoars haars and edmunds will die out this is a fair sample of blaine ratin cation oratory mr brucker is one of some dozen who are posing as blaine admirers and each of whom like brucker has a record in reading the speeches of the native american orators at milwaukee tile the intelligent foreigner will be taxed to the utmost of his discerning faculties to tell whether the speeches are a vindication of blaine an excoriation of curtis hoar and edmunds or a plea for lack of party principles occasionally a gentleman like gen uen fairchild significantly asks wira whar A democratic VICTORY WOULD MEAN it would mean he says the dl missal of oooo good oillie holders from the civil service it atwould mean the taking away of allour all ali our fat places it would woul mean the benefit of our utah legislation going to democrats just fancy church trustees and commissioners being appointed by payne of ohio or bayard of delaware just fancy us deprived of making a good haul out of these mormon vaa vagabonds bonds who pick money off the fences in mail maii utah the thought is horrible we who saved the union fillou we who liberated blacks we who maintain 10 monkeys in cages free irom from care we who protect working men we who build and equip equi railroads with water and the sweat of honest farmers and godless are we who do all this not to have the chance of enriching our families clothing our wives and daughters in silks and linens with spoils grabbed from the lazy and thriftless informers Mor INform mons oms ors just fancy what hideous malignancy must reside in the bosoms of those 15 senators every one a democrat who voted against our bill and would go further they would assert that those MORMONS HAVE SOULS that those mormons cormons toll toil and spin i that those mormons cormons are fashioned after aften r the image of ordinary humanity this w cant of course we dont want livers to hurt the mormons cormons Mor mons provided he delivers peaceably taud tand gives us control of his treasury and lets us as manage the affairs of nis kitchen we the great leat beat republican party NEVER ROBBED EXCEPT udel UNDER COVER I 1 OF THE LAW we are the party of law and let us pray for senator edmunds who is sick ardd arid senator hoar who is ina lna in a lunatic asylum and mr curtis who is lunching on a confederate ilag nag picked up by the new orleans commission in chica chicago o the I 1 republicans ieans leans I 1 have girded the themselves ms elves f for or the fray mr storrs has succeeded in coming to the front the tho fact is ORATORY IS ATA AT A LOW EBB EBU in the party and storrs is better than nothing there was a time when that class known as the scotch irish used to orate but their day is gone they are supplanted by the irish frish the douglass of the not the douglass of today to day lynch ot judiciary iame faine is not tile the lynch of tt to lay ilay and that count ohara who wilo fought a hundren duels and broke a hundred maiden hearts in the pages of so song ng and romance is not the ohara of today to day if blaines name gillespie Gili espie and if logan did not swear so much and u use sessell suell licentiousness in his oram gram grains mar they say these men donld pass for scotch irish at all events we have liberated of tes aesthetic africans and we have crushed the scotch irish intellect this is hard on chester Arth arthur tir lir joe medill emery kinery storrs and parson go goodavin dwi vin but natures lav law must bo be obeyed intellect like ilke gold do does e s not exist 61 everywhere erv Y ere and bolt jolt if it has run to the negro irishman the scotch irishman must not kick by a judicious use of A SCORE OF CAPPERS mr storrs has taken his place in the party A capper is a person hired to do some seme kind of dummy work A kind of decoy duck among humanity at a public meeting he sits away down the hall and at s some c convenient moment calls storrs storrs stones the cry is taken up by other cappers and storrs must come lt it is believed then the public wants storrs and as he is still oblie good I 1 as a reformed communist he is accorded a place on the platform prominent preachers employ empio y this method of climbing into public favor the tiie procedure is raised a little away back in 1876 when joe cook was working himself into notoriety it was found that after his lecture a few persons always professed a change of heart soon it became known that cook could reach the heart but it wasi through the pocket in financial circles the capper is an institution the latest instance of this came out in the transactions of ward and esli esil where grant and the casays and dents were the cappers gamblers also use cappers in his last oration mr storrs never alluded to the shoemaker of political economy in fact it may be said that he has taken a new departure ile he has actually quoted from edmund burke to prop tiie tile expediency POLICY OF THE HOLDING FACTION it is supposed that preacher newman has written to mr storrs on the crispin topic mr newman being in early days a shoemaker took it as a personal allusion to be parading the prosperous american shoemaker as compared with his brother of england mr nir storrs says to the republican party we vye owe every good thing wo we have at the present time when I 1 arst first came west from new york I 1 know I 1 was born in new york and I 1 know I 1 had ancestors but the family records were mislaid millaid mi and I 1 have a tion tiou of even seeing some of the immediate ones when I 1 came west I 1 had some stump tall tail currency I 1 was beating my way in a stockcar stock car when a brakeman spied me when he found I 1 had nothing but stump tail he kicked me out of me tile car and told me to go east again and change my stump tail tall the republicans have changed this I 1 now ride ina lna in a pullman and the conductor takes my greenbacks green backs and I 1 ride unmolested and have my boots blacked and anet my coat dusted all for a quarter and why should I 1 not be a republicans republican republic ani the way all us republican b boys ys travel look at the democrats T they ey are shoeless unshaved and dusty they drink fusel oil and get jim jams and go to the county house we drink good kentucky bourbon and go to the washington house and get et straightened 0 out t and nobody t knows it of course I 1 am a republican and was always one since I 1 got kicked for having stump tail and by the powers I 1 mean to be a republican as long as the party keeps in office however I 1 must say that at present I 1 am independent in politics but in my choice at present is the republican I 1 I 1 may be in the future something else our candidate blaine Is a man of policy he means to bring england to time he is now planning a subterranean tunnel to get some dynamite right under the centre of yorkshire he is also planning the location of an island or hardon away up in the clouds and held there by balloons anchored in france and in greenland then if ever england sa says s a word against a murphy or a gy lespie I 1 he springs his subterranean mine and of couise course england goes up into the clouds and iest lest any Eng english listi scoundrel should escape the stores and arsenals and barracks of ill lii his S aerial harlor hartor are opened and everything english is utterly destroyed julius verne has given his hearvy hearty nearly co operation cooperation to this plan with blaines foreign policy I 1 we ve will fl ats x europe what ke contemplates for bismarck I 1 cant divulge but I 1 have bespoken a pair of shoes from Bis marcks hide or skin or pelt or whatever it is that covers the AS TO LOGAN slander cannot touch him he is a sol dier and an emancipated democrat the first gun at fort sumpter took all the democracy out of him except nis his honesty li his native honesty he has that still he luses profane language and is careless about his synonymous terms but we must attribute that to the democrats they had no hymn books or grammars or in fact no religion or moral morality ils lis ty logan is a great man and he owes his greatness to the trea son of mcclellan and fitzjohn fitz john porter if mac mav run and crush the rebellion there would be no afeld left eft for grant an and logan 0 gan hooker and pope burnside burne barne ld e a and sigel yes mac could do it 11 in nn a week though it took grant wit with h suca such generals as sheridan da n f fully ully three years with two million of men to ado do tit yes mac could do it in a week with a few connecticut yankees who practised practiced go as you please at bull run mac is a traitor he ought to go and get killed and let the rebels come coad up to washington fitzjohn fitz john porter is also a traitor when we want men to go up in blaines balloon or down into the tunnel we dont doat want fitz porter we want men who can see a hole hoie e in a ladder yes logan is our man IV we are going to fi my y PROTECT THE LABORER J I 1 the laborer first must do leq ilk lik e udie asre publican publican boys get shares in rail rall railroads roads hang jurymen juryman jury men and andret get ourselves in a |