Show A NARRATIVE SHOWING HOW MR JONATHAN JINKINS GOT PAID FOR LYING BY PROFESSOR SANDERS ABRI abridged DrED FROM THE COLUMBIAN ANI GREAT WEST the great king of bagdad was sitting in his divan with his ii pipe to his mouth enjoying enjoy ing the fumes fames of a mixture of ito baco 0 and opium and dreaming of the seventh heaven the hie haal filial home of all true mus simen and of the houri noun whose transcendent lovil ness was created expressly for such of the faithful as the king himself the 1 he kin king felt remarkably corn coal in fact quite gracious and kindly disposed toward his slaves of the whole kingdom but wherefore was the tang king in such gracious humor that king ohmar the twenty decoud the individual of whom I 1 now speak hid had been at war for several years with a neighboring nation during which time he hail had become consider bly worsted in several skirmishes and all through the did aid and abetting of several curse curea 1 giaouris Gia ours from a land across t the be ocean afar to the west of england king ohmar was accordingly wrathful that these bar banana should not stay at home and there do their own fighting he hud hid even hurled maledictions male dictions at their heads he ids and vowed owed t that hat should the prophet deliver one ot them into his hinds hands lie he would make such an example of him as aa would put that nation afar over the water into a furios eunous tremble and soon bung bring ambassadors over to him to apologize and to lay down to his feet peace offerings of frank frankincense mense end myrrh and pretty women in abundance one of our princes had that day been taken pris pensioner ioner II 11 said sigid he turning to his vizier who salaamed sala amed to the floor as he spoke what kind of looking bellow is is this frank who is is waiting our commands may alay it please your H highness he is a hardy looking follow fellow with a short red beard and keen blue eyes 11 hardy looking is is not the wretch on his knees making his peace with his bis god in anticipation of instant death 1 I 1 ant an sorry to say to your majesty that tins this is ib not the case but on the contrary the infidel is discussing a savory meal with an appetite which h i really wondrous 11 what eating not only eating you majesty but the fellow lia actually come coma into possession somehow of a bottle of the forbidden liquid and is absolutely drinking it down with marvelous gusto 11 his majesty started and dashed down his pipe joi bi milah milad the infidel bogl has he no feeling fe elin no thought ol of the we fate I 1 te that awaits him no fear bring the rascal bither buher I 1 and we will see whether he does nut not quake in in om pie ence 11 the door of the divan opened and mistapha Mast apha the vizier entered fall followed owed by the prisoner who v is as a rather medium sized man with a quick keen blue eye brown chestnut liar ha r and red whiskers it was evident that this prisoner was one of those restless beings termed among Chri stains a yankee Yat kee the king fixed filed upon the yankee a glance of extreme hauteur anti and severity it was one of those looks which had terrified many of his own criminals and brought them and horrified at his leet tor mercy the yankee stood the king aad staring at hini him as if demasa he w as a wild beast in a new england caravan and thus they stood for a moment aall ell what on arth are you staring at old ft fallow illow did you 5 ou never look upon p 3 n a gentleman before exclaimed the yankee as he dove 0 v e both his hands deper into his breeches bree clies I 1 pockets and straddling out his bis legs like a colossus continued to scan curiously the king by bi the beard of the prophet but the infidel dog laughs in in our fare face but perhaps mustapha it is the bashon in his country remarked the king appealing to hn vizier izier III 1 I believe it is your highness 12 the vizier re spectrally fally in the hope of avoiding an explosion af the royal wrath 1 I 1 hen the barbarians of that far off land have a curious way ot addressing their sovereign frank where are you I 1 horn from a long tale your majesty and would require considerable sid erable wm win dwork for I 1 perceive that conr king is as ingnor ant of the land of stars and stripes as a porpoise of nava navigation gation 11 As these last words were addressed to mustapha that individual in I 1 bidual remarked rem irked that his royal highness did not stoop to make inake inquiries ting such infidel countries considerable win dwork stars and striped stripe what does the gimour mean asked the king he means may it please your AD majesty that the recital of his adventures and wither he came from would comprise a ions and deeply interesting s fiory ies haa so shiar mains full of stories t r eh exclaimed the king let the rascal be heartily fed and this evening after pr prayers avers be brought to us we will listen to him firt first and strangle him afterward mustapha salaamed sala amed low rind led the yankee out see here follow he said inn in a low voice as soon as they hid left the kings presence if at y u are politic ind and follow my adlite ad vi e you are saved otherwise ere many hours pass away you will be food fur for dogs or fishes not a very enviable state slate is the latter I 1 must confess so p proceed proceed and I 1 will listen I 1 his majesty has his head full fall of the arabian ni nights gats tale talea i act well your dart tell him al all I 1 that which may be interesting I 1 and I 1 will manage the rest are you good at invention allying lying I 1 suppose you ou meana mean if there is is any thing to be made by the nv operation eption I 1 would have no objections to trying nil my hand band at it Is your life nothing asked mustapha in in a astonishment no great shakes a fellow leatine a little gold by by the speculation I 1 what strange beings are these yankees Yankee 1 ive often heard i that you are all expert at making money but this transcends we faithful i 11 1 I visited this country on a speculation and I 1 cant return I 1 without the things paying quietly remarked the american then ym yiu y m shall have money since your life dont appear 1 to be of any value for I 1 have taken a fancy to you and I 1 do not wish to see such a bold fellow throttled here you will please walk in this room dont attempt to escape for foi y you on cant do doit it while in attempting it you will lose that valueless life of yours put your wits to work and invent his highness highbe 5 s a tale full fall of strange things or b bi the beard of the prophet I 1 would not give a sequin for your life to morion morning and thrusting the yankee into a small apartment lie he securely bolted the door lest his curious prisoner should avail himself of the opportunity and bolt too when hen his own head bead would be the forfeit after the devout monarch had gone through with ins his pray ers ere aad had sipped his coffee lie he ordered his bis pipe and then sent ant for the american but as the latter was at the time deonly absorbed in in discussing some hot rolls and a cup of coffee he coolly returned for answer that lie was engaged and come com cant comer come exclaimed the enraged king as he dashed his second pipe upon the corper and fairly started from his throne with ast ni ament bung our executioner hither with willi the bowstring bow string we will see whether this barbarian or we are to command here 2 Mu taplia bowed low as he s suggested ug I 1 we would 1 ild it not be better yo 5 our ur majesty to hoar hear the infidels infidel s hondr wondrous ous narrative and then put him to death afterward true mustapha I 1 had for forgotten gotton the fellows story go to him again and if he refuses to come drag him in our piea ence by force 2 what a strange people those yankees are muttered the I 1 azir as he left the royal presence here in one apartment is is the instrument of execution prepared while in the other the loomed doomed sits coolly discussing his meal as if he w eie the monarch himself hello there hello yourself what do you want cried the voice within are you through with your our coffee for the kin g wishes you to repair immediately to his presence 1 I 1 come in in then for I 1 calculate im about as ready now as I 1 ver ever shall be the vizier entered accordingly and found the barbarian sitting ittin g on a cushon with a bottle poised to his mouth and about extracting from it the last of its contents what dogs yoh oil american franks are ex X aimed the devout Mus saiman snatching the bottle from the linkees Yin in kees lips and emptying its remaining contents into his own let us repair to his majesty who is is awaiting you in no T ory amiable humor have you lir invented vented any yams bams for the oc decision emion upon my soul I 1 never thought of it however I 1 shall t trust rast to that which never failed me in in an emergency yet 1 what is that my own wits and impudence go ahead and I 1 will I 1 follow the went accordingly and was soon in in the presence af f the monarch followed by the yankee matacha Mat apha 1 said gaid the monarch laying lading his hand band on his atoma stomach tto mach ch aud and assuming the look of ofa a man inan in pain does the prophet absolutely turbid forbid the juice of the grape when the stomach is la cold and the whole person shivery and sick no your majesty for then it is expressly written w that the shall sip atas it as medicine for in that easert case it warms the whole hole system and imparts life tu to every lamb 2 and well knowing his duty the faithful vizier drew from recess close by a small bottle and poured into a glass what ain in Anie american rican barbarian barban in would term a stiff dram As I 1 it t went down the royal throat the yankee whose acuteness tt c it smell equaled that of his other faculties recognized the avell vi ell known fragrance tra grance of first rate brandy tho tha r replaced the bottle in in its receptacle and the monarch grew gracious the malignant glitter of his e ee e I 1 i fielded to an expression of rather rai her good matuie while his I 1 gest became pr amiable and condescending jie ile then ordered his pipe and prepared to listen to the yan rees talk now pay attention to what we tell you if you tell us a single 11 n I 1 I 1 lie ie your head bead is instantly the fir forfeit feit said the king then of course I 1 shall confine entirely to the 1 truth I 1 h hns has your gracious majesty heard of the united 1 states 1 ites of america PI I 1 we never heard beard of the barbarous country before I 1 then I 1 would inform your majesty that it is a highly en I 1 I 1 lightened i country but still the customs of its people differ ci catly from those who have the honor of being your subjects for instance when a man gets sick he boes not do as you have just done take his own medicine go degoes he goes to a man whose business it is to cure diseases and y A lie ho consequently is interested in keeping him sick as long s possible as he charges a fee for every visit he makes it i s also similar bifilar when two people quarrel instead of adjusting the matter between themselves each man emrys what we tei ei m a lawyer who lives by the quarrels of others and consequently ly whose interest it is to prolong the quarrel ashe as he gains bore fees b by y ah thu is operation I 1 what a foolish people said the king aing I 1 when a man mis kills another lie he is in in return killed failed by twelve others who are employed employ ed by the nation to administer this I 1 i kind indof of revenge it is done publicly by hanging the T maidby by lie le neck till he strangles and this we term terin administering i justice ustice for orthen then the murdered man is avenged and thelah the law is i s paid aid to be e satisfied this ibis public method ot of murder is done i beranse cranse we think it has a tendency to prevent others from committing like lice deeds and exerts a moral influence among the people which is is strikingly illustrated in the feet fact that generally ally on the day on which the man is hung a variety of deeds eeds are committed by the people such as cutting each 0 others hers t throats knocking each other down aown thieving getting d runk bic this we term moral influence of capital punish ment ws wa administer our laws aro are termed courts of J justice us aice because there each man receives strict impartial justice of station or wealth pr for if a man is bound guilty of a misdemeanor and i 1 able to tee lee a lawyer well lie goes out on bail he his freeo through a process ter med habeas corpus the lawyers laoj ars and court pocket the fees and the man goes ab about mt his business but if he his poor he must of course go goto to jail and to the state prison where he lines does hard la labor horlor fur several years this is the way we do in our conits of justice in e base our idea of justice on two grand principles first tn extend to all rascals a more certain opportunity of getting off than the honest man and second to compel a host of words and technicalities to outweigh what is is true and capable of proof a slight informality is quite sufficient to defeat the cause of an honest map and to advocate that of a scoundrel but this Is is the spirit of v ahai hat we take to be jui justice and consequently our lawyers law ers practice it we adm administer ace ter this impartial justice throughout society if it a man who is w wealthy balthy fails in business lie he i is allowed to go free and whithersoever lie he pleases and to retain his purse well filled with gold but if mother another who is i poor takes lakes a loaf of bread to sive save a sick family from starvation he is is caught torn away from ins his fainie fai nil and sent to pi prison ison where he be is fed on many loaves of bread at the ex pense of the country with dobing no hag but cold water to drink and his family who have done no harm are not fed at all but are aie left to staige this we call strict impartial justice what a h strange people eh mustapha 1 very strange answered the vizier I 1 our religion continued the yankee is derived from the bible which teaches leaches us t the lie purest of moralities the mot fam familiar aliar code of which N is to do unto others as aou a ou on would have them do anro you this and other equally beautiful morals are pre ached weekly from our pulpits to the people who then return home to their business anti anil commence a general system of imposition upon ea ettah hAher this we term piety and t those hose who go to listen to these godlike morals ne aw n e termed acus T or religious people we baa have e another system astern of piety among us which has become general we leave leac our own pe people pie to starve our own children to want ant and in rags wago while we form large societies and work hird h rd to furnish clothing and food for foi the children chil dien of the infidels who generally live in countries where the clitia aliu ate te is is su so mild that the they do not need any clothing and w N ho would not biow tiow how to 10 wear them if they did this we consider the very essence of charity and religion for we believe that this thi s is really a loan to god and we 0 of course expect that lie he will r repay pay our kindness Aind ness with interest but it is not considered cha charity r ity or a loan to god to give this cb clothing thing and food to those among us who are without them and exposed to th rigors of our climate and as it is is nit n t believed to be loaning to god in this instance of course coure these needy chi children idren are left to freeze and starve directly under our eyes for we cant mate make any in terest on this operation our book unlike yours does not teach that wine is hurtful but we have societies hucie ties in n which people sign their names binding thein not to drink in public we also have many other societies whose teri tendency dency is just as moral and whose results are jut as successful but we are |