Show I 1 arsam sam slick stick an english dinner party dinin out here is both heavy work and light feadin its monstrous stupid one dinner like ilke one rainy day its rained ever since I 1 been here almost is like iise another one draw n room like another drabin room one peers entertainment in a fineral way is like another peers the same powdered liveried lazy idle good for bothin dolittle do little stand in the way of each other useless servants sar same picture pic piet urs same plate same figins fix ins same dont know ow ewt todon todo to do n avith itil yourself y bursek kind er ol o lookin master waster great folks are like great folks marchands mar chants like mar marchands chants and so on its apic tur it looks like life lire but it tante tints the animal is tamed here he is fatter falter than the wild one but lie he haute hante the spir spier folks are up to the notch here een wien alen dinner is in question a fact fat gouty broken winded and fil foundered as they be its rap rap rap for twenty minutes at the door and in they come one arter another as fast as the servants sar cali can carry up their names cuss them servants sar it takes seven ore or eight 9 lit of em to carry a malls malis mails mans name up stairs stair they are so awful lazy and so shochin kin full ot of porter if a feller was so lame lie he had to be carried up himself himsel fg I 1 dont better on my soul the whole whore gang of them from the butler that dresses in the same clothes dollies as his master to boots that aint dressed at all make out to 61 bowse liim him up stairs upon my iny soul I 1 dont well you go in fit along with your name walk up to old aunty aulty and make a scrape and the same to old uncle and then lail lall back this is done as solemn as if a fellers name was called out to take his place at a funeral that and tile the mistakes is the fun of it there is a at a house I 1 visit at that I 1 suspicion is a bit of a bam barn and the critter shows both his wit and sense he never does it to a somebody cause that would cost him his place but when adobody hasa has a droll name he aist gives an accent or a sly twist to it that folks cant help a carfin no more than mr nobody can beelin like a fool iles hes a droll boy that I 1 should like to know him well arter noun cin is done then comes two questions do I 1 know anybody here and if I 1 do does lie he look like talk or not well scein that you have no handle to your name and a stranger its most likely you cant answer these questions right so you stand and use your eyes and put your tongue up in its case till its wanted company are all come and now they have to be two and tw and lock and go into tile the dinin room to feed when I 1 first came I 1 was nation proud of that I 1 title the I 1 now I 1 am happi fied its bothin but bu tonly toniy only an till atahlie Ata clie cile 9 and ill tell you why the great guns the tiie big bugs have to take in each others ladies so these old ones have to herd together well the nobodies go together too loo and sit together andave and ive lve observed these nobodies are the pleas amest people at table and they tiley have the pleasant est places because they sit with each other and are aist like yourself glad to get soine some one totals to somebody Some somebody bory bogy can only visit somebody but nobody can cali go anywhere and therefore nobody sees and knows twice as much as somebody does Some bodies must be axed if they are as stupid as a pump tut but nobodies and never are unless they are spicy sort 0 folks so you are sure of them and they have all ail trie trio full fail and wit of the table at their end and no mistake 11 1 I take a title irali y would give it to me for if I 1 had one I 1 should have a fat old purblind dowager detailed oil on to me to take dinner ai at d what the plague is her jewels and laces faces and silks and satins gatins and wigs to me As it is I 1 have a chance to have a gal to take in ts a jewel herself one that dont want no settin oil off and carries her diamonds in her heroes eyes and soon so on ive told our minister not to introduce me as an no more but as mr nobody from froin the state of lothin in america natu ragin agin but to get back to the dinner arter you are in marchin order you move in through two rows of servants sar in lit uniform I 1 used to think they was placed there for lor a show but its to keep the tiie air off of folks a going through the entry and it aint a bad thought nother lord the first time I 1 went to one ol 01 0 these grand let offs I 1 felt kinder and as nobody was allocated lo 10 me to take in I 1 I 1 goes in alone not knowin where I 1 tv Ws s to fettle settle down as a squatter and kinder lugged logged behind when the butler comes and rams rains a napkin lapkin in my hand build and gives me a shove and sais he gi gand G stand sta 11 d behind your master muster sir gaid paid lie oh solamon how that waked me u up I 1 how flow I 1 curled inwardly when he did that youve vow vou ve mistaken the child said 1 I mildly and slid I 1 held outtie out the ahe napkin and aist as he went to take it I 1 gave him a sly poke in the bread basket that made him film bend forward and say leugh cleugh wake snakes and walk your chalks sais bals 1 will you aud and down I 1 pops on the fust empty ch ir lord liow ilow low white lie he looked about the gills afterwards arter wards I 1 thought I 1 should a split when wilen I 1 looked nt at him guess hell liell know an when wilen he sees him next time well there is dinner one of plate lr ir is 14 like another of plate auy any any auy one dozen of servants aar sar are like another dozen of is hock flock and champaigne is champaigne and one dinner is like another dinner the on lv difference is in the thing tiling itself cooked veal wal to be good must look like anything else but vea ven veni you know it when you see it or its vulgar mutton must be too beef must have a mask on anything any thin that looks solid take a 0 spoon to anything any thin that looks light cut with aj inife if a thing looks like fish you may inay take your oath it is flesh aud and if it seems rael flesh its only disguised for its sure to be fish noth noih bothin iril lill must be iia lia cateral teral terai is out of fashion here this is a manu mallu fac turin country everything is done by bryand ervand that that aln ain t must be made to look like it and I 1 must say the dinner machinery is perfect servants Sar keep going round and round in a ring slow but sartin and for ever like the 04 arms of oa a great big windmill chovin dish after dish in dum show afore alore your nose for you to ta see how you lilethe like ilke the flavor when your glass in empty its filled when your eyes if off your plate its off too afore you yon cali can say nick biddle folks speak low here hare steam is valuable and noise noisa on ou polite they call it a subdued tone toile poor tame things they are subdued a fact slaves sla vesto to an all arbi tary tiry tyrannical fashion that dont leave sern tern em ifo fib free will at atall stall all ali you dont often speak across a table any M more nor you do across a street araps mr somebody of west bend of town will say to a mr nobody from west bend of america niagara is noble mr nobody will bay say guess it is it got its patent afore the tile norman conquest I 1 reckon and kind afore the subdued toile tone come in fashion then mr somebody will look like an oracle and say great rivers and great trees in america you speak good english and then he will seem surprised but not say it only 3 jcu you ou cali can read the words on his faces facet face upon my soul you are almost as white ES as us dinner ia is over its time for ladies to cut stick aunt goosey looks lo at the next oldest goosey and ducks her head as if she V mas was as a goin through a gate and then they all come to their feet and tile tiie goslins come to their feet and they all toddle off to the room together tile the decanters now take the tiie grand tour of the table and like most travelers go out with full pockets and return with empty ones talk has a pair of stays here and is laced up tight tiglia and stife larnin is pedantic politics is unsafe religion air alti t fashionable you must tread on neutral ground well neutral ground gets so trampled down by bolh both sides fides und and so plundered by al all there aint anything fresh or good grows on it and it has no gover cover for game nother the ground is tried its well beat but bothin is iq put up and you get back to w where here you started uncle gander looks at next oldest gander hard bobs his head bead and lifts one leg already for a go and says will wili you take any abre wine no sais lie he but I 1 take the lint lets jine the ladies INN ell elf when the whole flock is gathered in the goose pastur the drajin room other little flocks come came croopin tro opia opla in and stand or walk or down on chars and them that know each other talk and them that dont twirl their thumbs over their fingers and when they are tired of that twirl 1 I their findeis over their thumbs im nobody and sti so I 1 goes and sets bets sid ways wass on an ot like a gal on a sidesaddle and look at afore me ine and fust I 1 always look at the gals now this I 1 will say they are amalin fine I 1 critters are the women kind here when they are taken proper care of the english may r slump flump the tiie universe uni varse acost for bosses and gaia gala they give yem lem em both plenty of walk walkin waikin itil exercise exercises feed yem lem em regular shoe sern tern em well trim em neat and keep a beautiful skin on yeni lent em they keep em in good health and dont house em too much they a are arb re clippers a fact there is few things in equal to a hoss boss and a gal thata well trained and in good condition I 1 could stand all day and look at em and I 1 call myself a considerable sid erable of adjudge ofa judge its singular liow flow much they are alike too tile the moment the is over or neglected neither of efem yem lem is fit to be seen they grow grov out of shape and look coarse they are tire considerable knowin in this kind ol 01 0 ware too are the english they vamp em up so well its hard to tell their eg ag and slid I 1 aint sure they dont make em live louger than when wilen the art aint so well practised practiced tiie the mark almouth is kept up in a hoss boss liere here by the tile file and a hay bay cut ter saves his teeth and helps his digestion well a dentist does the same good for a woman woman it makes her p pbs ss for several years younger and helps her looks mends her voice and makes her as smart is a three year old that its music well that as artificial tod tog its scientific they tiley say its done by rule aist look at that gal to t the first comes a little garman thu thunder otier otter good earth and seas what a crash it seems as if shed bang the instrument to a thousand pieces I 1 guess sties siles vexed at somebody and is a peggin it into tile ciany out of spite now comes the see what faces she makes how she stretches her mouth open like a barn door dour and turns up the white of her eyes like a duck in thunder she slie is in a musical ecstacy ls is that gal she feels good all over her soul is a goin out ont blong along with that ere music oh oil its itys divine handshe and she is an angel aint she yes I 1 guess she bhe asand when I 1 aman am an angel I 1 will fall in love with her but as I 1 am a man mail at least left of me id adjis aist t as soon fall lubove with one that was a leetie aist a leetie more of a woman and a leetie just a leetie less of an angel but hullo what onder the sun is she about why her voice is goin down her own throat to gain strength and here it comes out agin as deep toned as a mans while that dandy jeller teller along gie gle sie side of her is what they call fal setter they ve artilly c anaed voices the gal sings dikea man and fluit screamer like a woman this is science this is taste this is fashion but bang me if its im tired to death of it but one good thing is you listen without you like for everybody every body as loud as ever 10 lard lo rd how extremes meet sometimes as minister says here now fashion is the to top of the bokon botand pot po tand and that pot hangs bangs on the highet higbe hook on the tha crane in ill america cant go on no farther its the rael thing look loot at the romeu kind now an ali indjian gal down south goes most naked well a splendiferous company gal here when wilen blie hile is full dressed is only half co covered verea and neither of sem lem em attract you one mite or morsel we dine at two and sup at seven her they lunch at dine at seven the words are diffie different rent but they are identical the same I 1 well the is amalin like likes too who ever heerd them italian singers reciting rec itin their jabber sll sli 0 win their teeth and cuttin I 1 dedoes at a great private con connart cobbart sart bart that take hib liis his oath lie had heerd biggers nt tit a dignity ball down south sing jast st the sam same e and aist as well Andt and then hendo do for goodness gracious sake hear that absent mail man bel be longin ODgin to the house vouse 0 Com oom commons when the chaplain says let us pray sing bing right out at once as if he was to home oh by all means as much as to say me and the powers above are ready to hear you bul but dont be long about it aint that for all the world like a when a reformed ring tailed calls out to the tha minister a fact welly bobus by gosh amen arnen or when preacher says who will ba be saved answers me and the boys throw us a hencoop the gals will drift down stream on a bale 0 cotton colton 1 well then our very lolist lowest and their very highest dont always act pretty th ts its a fact sometimes they repudiate you take takes dont you there is another party to ight the flock is thinnie thin nin off agin and as I 1 want a cigar most lets go to a divan and some other time ill lil tell you what a is |