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Show Tkarttlajr, October 3. THE DAILY HI KALD. Pruto. I I th BJ Fa ri'Jc.'p Some singles taking their time to get to the altar By TANANARIVE DUE Mwspapf Kmght-R-dct- One day, you wake up and realize: You're over 40, and you're still single. And you know people are secretly wondering: "What the heck is wrong with you"? "1 hate' that," says Tarn Nesbit, a 4 year-old secretary from Pinecrest, Fla. "My sisters have finally stopped saying, 'Well, you'll find "someone." Nesbit knows plenty of people just like her. "I meet more and more all the time. I'm always surprised at how many people I've met who are my age and older and never did it." According to a 1994 report by the Census Bureau, 9 percent of women and 1 3 percent of men age 40 to 44 have never been married. For men, that number has more than doubled since 1970, when it was only 6 percent; 5 percent of women had never married in 1 -- Jeremy Skinner Call Staci Lee Talbot Talbot, Call ' Staci Lee Talbot, daughter of Craig and Barbara Talbot of Spanish Fork, will marry Jeremy Skinner Call, son of Warren and Cheryl Call of Spanish Fork, on Friday, Oct. 4, in Spanish Fork. A reception will honor the couple that evening from 9 at the Canyon Ridge Ward LDS Church, .1750 E. 750 South, Spanish Fork. The bride-to-b- e and her fiance" from Spanhonors with graduated ish Fork High School. Staci is a student at Utah Valley State College and is employed by Day's Foodtown in Provo. Jeremy graduated from Utah Valley State College with a degree in auto collision repair. He is employed by J & S Enterprises in Salem. Bridal attendants are Heather Talbot, Amber Robb, Lisa Call and Chelsea Call. Attending the groom is Brandon Call. 7-- their own. Somewhere around 40, you come to grips with, 'OK, this could happen to me for the rest of my life. What am I interested in? What do I like?'" Amen to that, says Nesbit. who says she has always been a loner and never wants to marry. She has been engaged three times, but always called it off. She says she can't afford to adopt children, so she has pets. "I'm not afraid to be alone," she says. "People don't know how to amuse themselves, and they just constantly have to have someone else around. I don't want to chitchat with somebody when I'm in the middle of a good book" One reason so many people feel like that, says Dana Dennard, a Tallahassee, Fla., psychologist who runs relationship retreats with his wife, is that American society values individualism more than partnership: "From a very young age, with1970. even realizing what's happenout Geoff Fisher, who's 42 and ing, you're being indoctrinated to he to unmarried, says didn't, plan alienated from the other become be single this long. But he's conand, at the same time, believvinced waiting hasn't been a bad ing you're successful " idea. So what does he think when "Some people marry their collifelong singles like Nesbit go on some of them lege sweetheart unencumbered bliss? about live happily ever after, and some "I've talked to people in jail divorced two after get years," who tell me it's really not that says Fisher, of Hollywood, Fla., who is music director at Love 94 bad," Dennard says. "Lourdes," 47, a Miami radio. "You haven't made the woman who has never married, But decision you right (yet). haven't made a mistake, either. I says, yes, she would like to marry one day, but, no, she won't marry just don't want to be 80 years old to marry. When she was in her just and not married." late 30s, a childhood friend she in 40s The reasons people their seen since elementary hadn't and 50s have never married vary. in love with her after school fell Some have decided that living with their longtime partners is they struck up a correspondence. He even proposed. enough, they don't need the piece "He wanted marriage, maybe a of paper. Some are gay and can't she says. "I said, 'What child," legally wed. And some just don't is a dream. Most of us you say want a long-terrelationship. He said, 'Well, you it.' want But there are also plenty of accidental singles, too. And once know, we could try it.' And it seemed like such a cold thing, they turn 40, the marriage pressureeven though he didn't mean it that -cooker turns up to high. "As you get older, more and way. All those years, I hadn't been more of your friends are settled, married, and this is how it would so it's something we yearn for," happen?" If marriage were really her top says Fisher, who once had a seven-she says, she would year he that priority, relationship says like leasing came close to marriage. He and "make it a project his both wanted to a car, getting an apartment." But but never at the she says she isn't willing to comget married same time. promise her most important The pressure to marry is often requirement: love. If she doesn't keener with women, says Carol find it and ends up staying single, M. Anderson, of the then so be it, she says. Solo: book "Flying "I don't think singledom is Single Women in Midlife" (Norton, healthy," she says. "It absolutely is not. But if you find yourself in $12.95 in paperback). "I knew women who got that situation, you have to make engaged to people they didn't care the most of it." about because they thought this Bonnie, a Miami Beach resiwould be their last chance, and dent in her 40s, says she has they got desperate," says Anderbegun to accept that being single son, a University of Pittsburgh may not be a temporary phase. A psychiatry professor. "Women product of the '60s, she has need to know they can make it on always spent most of her passion m n v ft Vi then-girlfrie- in Piirfh. Tony LaForett Emily Gurney Gurney, LaForett Emily Gurney, daughter of n. Allen and Sandy Gurney of will marry Tony LaForett, son of Joe and Frances LaForett of American Fork, on Friday, Oct. 4, in the Santaquin 4th and 5th Ward LDS Church, 345 W. 100 ;North. A reception honoring the cou, ple will follow from 9 p.m. An open house will be held the following evening, Oct. 5, from 4-- 7 p.m. at 634 N. 600 East, American Fork. The bride-to-b- e ; graduated from Payson High School. ; Her fiance" graduated from ;" American Fork High School and earned a one-yedegree in nurs-in- g from Utah Valley State Col- San-taqui- or 1 25 ct. TGW triple opal and diamond, 14k gold band. BEST BUY $316 DENTAL BRACES FOR $1,998 plus retainer and bonding tee WeVe solved the major problems that prevent kids and adults irora getting trie smile of their dreams. x No Down Payment No Interest Free Consultation Appointments after schoola- ii a- - Salt Lake jf) Ogdea I 800-11 1 -- 445 1 tuUly Care lar 25 Yean Provo -- d .MS Li-1.06 ct. oval opal and diamond, 14k gold ring. BEST BUY $357 Utrntmr MS L.... .. 1 V WicMfaucrfbCMdnbst) ,... TW oval e 12 ct. opal, 1 4k gold drop earrings. BEST BUY $179 - -- 45 ct TGW f ft , pear-shap- e opal and diamond, 14k gold earrings. BEST BUY $230 ct. TGW pear-shap-e opal and 14k diamond, gold ring. 1 BEST BUY 1 23 ct. TGW pear-shap- e opal and diamond, 14k gold earrings. 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Nat to be used m conjunction with wry other store coupon or discount. Zi - ct. TW opal, E. rymtat Mm: i x Announcing our Utah Centennial Fee 4 7 wedding policy 54 seemed so wjien you were 25. That's exacth what happened with Ed O'Dell, a reporter for WTVJ-TV- . Last month, at 46, he got married for the first time. Suddenly, he has a wife and a son. And he's ecstatic. Age made him more flexible, the Miami resident says. "It's an interracial marriage, an interfaith marriage, I'm 20 years older than she is," says 0Dell. "I Lane Banbury nr n--. VOW UM DUUH Basil ZCMI elsewhere in Utah p.m. (except ' told her I could think of a thousand reasons we could not be together, but we are." When he was younger, he felt that work kept him from being at home enough to truly take part in a family. "I guarantee you, I'd be working on my second or third marriage, kids all over the place,; and not raising any of them," he' says. "This, for my kid and my wife and myself, is the best time.; ; I'm glad I waited." to you today might not have 41 Daily Herald d Photo Geoff Fisher, program director and DJ at LOVE-9- 4 FM, in Miami, Fla., is still looking for that special someone. Fisher, 42, says he did not plan to be single this long, but he's convinced waiting hasn't been a bad idea. set in 14k gold aWi Both are employed at the Utah 1 State Developmental Center. Bridal attendants are Rachelle ; Lafferty, Tina LaForett, Jami Gur-- ; ney and Ashley Gurney. - ' Attending the groom are Ralph - Brode and Bill Henderson. j first-serve- if - (tiSfcg October's birthstone Fiery, fine quality opals ar e, one-on-o- Best Buys on 7-- Because of the high volume of weddings in the area, announcements are published on a first-combasis and either a wedding or announcement engagement will be printed, but not both. announcements Wedding must be received at the newspaper one week prior to the desired publication date. announcements Late accompanied by a photograph will be accepted and held for publication after the event. An earlier policy which stated that wedding information would not be published if the event was more than two weeks old, is no longer in ejfect. Information on weddings must be submitted on a form available at the Herald office. Announcements are published free of charge; there is a processing fee of $8 for photographs. Golden weddings . and phoannouncements tographs are published without charge. The Daily Herald reserves the riid to edit all copy. on political causes: civil rights, the anti-wa- r movement, women's rights. "While I had a number of relationships with men during that time, they were never as successful or satisfying as a lot of my activism," she says. But she adds, "It infuriates me, but there's a part of me that says, 'Right, you're a failure.' Mostly, I feel good about my life. But there is that deeply ingrained, nagging creature that goes, "nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah"." There's a big difference, though, between occasional blues like that and depression. That's why older singles, in particular, have to make conscious choices about personal goals. Which is more important to freedom or companionyou Are you simply in the habit ship? of being single, rather than choosing it? Are you unconsciously shutting out potential suitors? What about kids? In some cases, our life patterns do tell us what we really want, and age gives us the clarity to embrace our choices. We've had opportunities we chose not to pursue. And, with hindsight, we're happy with where we are. In other cases, people manage to sort through how much of w hat they're feeling stems from societal pressure and how much is true personal longing, and they decide they want a change. But they may not be sure how to make that happen. Some, like Fisher, believe that once you've recognized what you really want, things take care of themselves. "I guess I'm kind of a firm believer that you meet the people you need to meet when you need to meet them," he says. "I think, for whatever reason, people appear in your life when they're supposed to." And the dating scene that seemed so tight when you were in your 30s may actually start to loosen up as you get older, says Anderson. "The good thing about the 40s is that you start getting the retreads; the ones w ho are getting divorced start coming back around." Plus, she says, you've also figured out to quit wasting time at singles spots and learned to pursue sincere interests that will naturally bring you in contact with compatible people. Then, of course, your expectations may have changed, too. The person who seems like the perfect match Saturday 10 and in the U.S., a.m.-- 7 ' p.m.). Closed Sunday. s : |