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Show Family Waclcly are first -a- id their children won't pAtoiTs Aof Orice friends make this state and have fun. affairs is achieved, they worry about what is going to happen to them in all these new, bright, gay situations which suddenly loom alarmingly. If parents were completely honest they would probably admit that their deepest, unspoken goal is to keep their adolescents alive and unscathed until the age of discretion and they wish they knew when that is. s usually center around going somewhere too recklessly and too fast, and becoming involved with the other sex. This has been going on since' boy first took out girl. word which . means manyv Dating is a catch-a- ll things to many people. When we say "date," we the first girl-bo- y relationmay be talking-"abouships a stop" at the corner drugstore after school, a group movie party. A boy makes a date with a girl for a formal dance, or for Jennis, or to park on a side road. be on a date that the boy will ask the girl to be his wife. Many of the problems of4 dating, which loom more importantly than the cold war in the mind of youth, can seem trivial to adults. Teen-age- rs spend hours discussing who likes whom, dissecting conversations of the night before, trying to discover tiidden meanings and assurances that the boy or the girl of the moment is serious. They worry about how soon to kiss a boy and how soon to try to kiss a girl; how soon before a party to call (boys) and how late they can accept (girls) 4 It is a complex series of adjustments, this road that starts with a soda and ends with a wedding. bring their friends home so parents can meet them. 5. Parents should provide suitable privacy. 6. "Lights out" has no place at a - well-order- ed gathering. 7 "Going steady" should always be, considered with great seriousness. Most young people profit by a variety of friends. 8. A girl and her parents should agree on a definite time for arrival home. A boy should meet the girl's parents before the date and discuss the time Their-worrie- t It-w- f for her expected return. 9. Parents calling for young people should , Spcsh the Szme Language ill Tti Fluids of tha "Game" For parents there is one relief. At least this is an area of tangibles. The codes of social behavior are very definite about what to do and what not to do. The language is ageless, clear, and concise, leaving the exact interpretation up to the parent. - Wencould call it a Decaldgu oFDating: and rare impor:li Sincerity of and discussion friends activities. tant in the for There may be good reasons modifying or reversing an opinion. 2. Family plans should be organized so that transportation for young people can be provided, and members of the family can be reached in case of emergency or change of plans. 3. Group dating in grade seven and group or double dating in grades eight and nine, rather than single dating, is to be encouraged. 4. The home should be the center of young people's social activities, with parents' cooperation and support. Young people should be encouraged to opn-mittdedn- f ess a ap- pear at the designated time, neither early nor late. 10. It is equally important that both parents and iildren.cieyiderstand yhal '"the other means when discussing these matters.; The last point emphasizes the need to know what our children are talking about, and they need to be told what certain words mean to us. Dr. Willard Abraham of Arizona State University suggests it is this lack of communication which misunderis at the bottom of most parent-chil- d standings. Many words simply do not mean the same thing to different geheraUons. wGooct girl "nice boy," "clean hands," "balanced diet," "early," all are interpreted differently on the basis of age and experience. To be sure we really have a meeting of the minds, families must go beyond generalities. If a parent wants a child home by I! o'clock, he can't vaguely say "early." The child may consider 12 or 1 o'clock early. If 40 miles an hour is your idea of the proper speed for a young driver, don't say "drive carefully." He may feel he is driving with the utmost caution at 75. Having gotten together on the vocabulary, the next step is to discuss behavior in more detail If parents insist on knowing where and with whom their children are spending their time, they must put ISbeinselves in aposition to be told. Teen- plaweanT to know where at least one parent can be reached in an emergency. Another obligation of, parents is that of calling for young people, and on time, if they have offered age to do so. gatherings are noisy and a responsibility. Parents who are happy to have them around until say 11 quite rightly feel imposed upon if they are used as sitters until midnight In the seventh through ninth grades, group dating is not only more suitable, the children have a better time. This is the stage at which mothers should be as hospitable to them as their , means and nerves permit. . . Teen-ag- e ovember 19, 1951 ine poys will throw potato chips and splash drinks on the girls, and you will ask yourself "This is dating? These are forming social relationships?" They are, and their actions are perfectly correct at this age, Bv usage, it'is the bov's mother who Drovides much of the'transportation and chaperonage for afternoon skating, matinees, and the athletic occasions which form the young man's idea of a proper date at this stage. Within the home, the pa rents' obligations are not difficult, but they are definite. There should be plenty of records and other music, and the record player in working order. Lights should be arranged before the guests arrive. Too bright lights and too many will be regarded as a challenge. If the lights do go off, turn thena on againwithout making a big thing about it. Be on hand, but don't be obvious. Don't keep walking through or peering into the room. If something really does go wrong, have the courage to deal with it If a boisterous guest is spoiling the party for the rest of the young people, tell him so quietly but firmly; if he persists, send him home. ''See'thailiverOTe'doea go home at the agreed, time. Remember how much you worry when your child is late. On the other hand, the hosts must never send the group out on the town earlier than originally planned if they have been told that they may stay at your place. v Ccasidsr tlss Coy's D2r.!srcI1 As young people grow older, the boys and girls tend to pair off. But once paired, they usually show no aversion to eating and dancing at the expense of some parent (Boys tell us they feel they can afford to spend only 10 percent of their money on dates.) It is quite true most boys have to get bv on a certain allowance which thev must spread throuiout the week or month. And mey willshiemway from a girl who makes too great demands on their pocketbooks. What young people say they really like through high school are single dates for the movies, games, or bowling,and then to get together as many couples as possible for a "party." The party may consist of dancing, or the young people may merely sit around and talk, argue, or listen to records. Parents will find that definite hours for ending both single and group dates are welcomed by young people. The vagueness of girls about when to come home is a constant gripe among boys. "They tell you it doesn't matter when they get in, and then we catch it for keeping them out" ( Continued on page 15) well-intention- ed ? It's an awkward stage for youngsters and even more so for parents yet it needn't be if both groups understand some simple rules Excerpted from "The Intelligent Parents' Guide to Teen-Ager- by Thetma C. Portell, published Nov. 15 by Paul S. Eriksson; Inc., New York, N.Y. Family Weekly, November 19, JS6I |